Men who ask for commitment too early are as dangerous as those who refuse commitment

BasieSkanks · 2020-03-16T10:27:54+00:00

YES, so much this! I needed to hear this when I was 19. I met a guy online and we started talking on Saturday morning. By Sunday evening, he had asked if we wanted to be exclusive before we had even met in person. Things went okay until we met in person and had sex. After that, he started gradually lowering his efforts. Ladies, think about it: if a guy is willing to commit so soon before knowing you, that means he sees you as disposable. You could be anyone. It’s not a compliment.

not-mrkrabs · 2020-03-16T12:34:16+00:00

I would like to add that 'love bombing' is a technique used by abusers to get someone to quickly fall for them so they find it much harder to leave when the abuse begins to emerge. Be aware of any man who is head over heels for you way too soon.

hoIds_up_spork · 2020-03-16T13:18:54+00:00

Yes, there was a recent post here where the poster indicated that her boyfriend asked for exclusivity from the beginning and already declared his love for her despite them only having spent a weekend together. She was saw it as a reason to trust him while everyone else was trying to point out what a huge red flag is. No HVM is going to want to be your boyfriend after a weekend. They vet women too and they also have options. Only desperate men who are trying to lock you down or abusive men who are love bombing would do that.

The ex that asked for exclusivity the soonest (the same day we met) and said I love you after only two weeks was also the only ex that cheated on me and dumped me via facebook message less than 48 hours after telling me how much he loved and missed me (he was on a trip with his friends, including the girl he cheated with).

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2020-03-16T12:01:26+00:00

120%! I was just thinking about this today. One of my most gorgeous best friends has started seeing a guy, and he has crammed 5 “dates” into 5 days. And they are low effort dates! They went for drinks the first night, she paid for two rounds, he paid for one, and they slept together. They went out fo dinner the next night - she paid, then he came to her place for dinner twice - he cooked one night, then fell asleep, and she cooked the next night. They went out for lunch another day - she paid!!! This girl is drop dead gorgeous and funny and smart. But he’s picked up on her pickme vibes. He doesn’t put in ANY effort. He drinks and smokes to excess (she hates both and he knows this), he leaves his rubbish all over her house... and he wants to be exclusive already. It’s been less than a week!!! He’s already calling her pet names and asking her to move in together.

Just goes to show no matter how drop dead gorgeous you are (seriously, she’s like barbie), these guys do not care and will take advantage. He flatters her alll the time - this is his way in with her.

happyduck18 · 2020-03-16T13:35:31+00:00

I’d say this only applies to OLD and other blind dates though. If you’ve known a guy for awhile & he asks you out, I’d expect commitment early on.

honeybeeroll · 2020-03-16T13:38:46+00:00

Exactly! I'd like to add a second reason for guys committing super quickly: he is super desperate. If he's asking that early, he wouldve committed to ANYONE who he reached 2 or 3 dates with.

So no matter his reasons, it's almost always a bad sign lol. I know only one woman who is happily married whose husband asked her to be his gf on date two, but they were also coworkers for a few months beforehand, and she even says herself "it worked out for me but I wouldn't recommend it"

Parking-Act · 2020-03-16T13:59:52+00:00

💯! Yup the ex love bombed me and I was so ensared and trauma bonded that I let sexual, mental and emotional abuse become a norm! If it wasnt for that nagging feeling that something was terribly wrong and that I wasn't crazy and as a result reading up about pathological people by questioning my relationship and trying to find a solution for myself then who knows what may have happened.

I'd also like to emphasize the importance of high quality girlfriends. If I had close women in my life they would have been able to talk some sense into me and help me see the truth much sooner. But I had no friends to confide in.

_linay · 2020-03-16T13:55:17+00:00

This is my warning story about this: My most recent ex demanded exclusivity by date 2. Air headish me didn’t think much of it (you’d think after being stalked, still currently am) id be a little more aware...but this man was calm, quiet, charismatic....no red flags at first. I consider myself very smart these days and usually 3 steps ahead of the shit games men attempt, this ex fooled me for a bit. So the first few months went by without any issue but ladies by then my gut was starting to tell me RUN RUN RUN. I couldn’t pin point why the hell I felt this way, he’d given me no reason whatsoever. I’d go over to his place and again that feeling was overwhelming, every inch of my body wanted to run away. I could never nap or sleep over at his place because my body was NOT having it. He never felt safe and I could not understand why. I should’ve ran then.

Cracks began to appear, If I was late to a date he’d give me the silent treatment and not tell me why he was upset, but I knew. He’d make comments here and there about my outfits and say “no wonder men try to flirt with you”, if we had a disagreement he’d wave me away and walk out on me. If I took too long to shower he’d scold me like a child. If I didn’t orgasm he’d pout and become visibly angry with me. Forget ever bringing up something that upset me, I was NOT allowed to do so. If I so much as bothered his highness he’d stomp out, stone wall me and tell me he’s not discussing it. Ladies by now I’m already tired of shit (lol) then the bomb dropped, I asked him jokingly to expect me to do a background check on him, he panicked. I’d never seen him that way, but he began to explain that he had a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CHARGE! I was floored, he gave every excuse in the book, that his ex gf who he shares a child with was the abusive one, that she’d hit him but he was the one arrested. With more digging I find out this poor ex of his lives in a battered woman’s shelter with their son. As I find this all out I’m prepping my exit, wisely of course! By then I thought he was a psycho, still do. He would say he was remorseful but in reality he was more concerned with how I now saw him. Nothing about how he hurt a woman! Days go by and I’m scared ya’ll, have no clue how to dump this guy. As a stalking victim the last thing I wanted to do was go through court again and orders of protection. I’m still not the same from that ordeal. I wisely plan my break up and then he did something that instantly gave me the strength, he made a joke about knocking my son out .....ladies and gents, I saw RED. Never fuck with my babies. I’m not the one when it comes to my children. I kept my composure because in that moment, I could’ve straggled him and much much worse. He went home thinking nothing of his comment, but I was furious and done. As bad luck would have it, maybe the anger? I instantly caught a fever and a throat infection, I kid you not in seconds I was bedridden! It gave me the ultimate excuse to not have him over and avoid any of his visits, I was done with his ass and did not want to see his face. He tried to visit but I was as sweet as a Georgia peach and told him he’d get sick. He could’ve gotten hit by a semi truck and I wouldn’t have given any f’s by then.

I got worse before I got better and needed medication, by then it had been a week since he’d seen me, which is a long time in his world. I can still remember telling him to call me, that I had to speak with him. I gave him a sob story (I’ll keep this vague, you never know), enough that he felt sorry for me. I let him know that with me being ill I had time to think and realized I needed to focus on my kids. That dating wasn’t something I could entertain. I never disclosed it was because I wanted rip his eyeballs out for the comment he said about my son & ladies I so wanted to! But I knew better, this man was dangerous and I had to be wise. I had to exit this gracefully. Things ended and he understood I needed to be a mom first. I avoided any personal slight towards his character, anything he could use as ammunition. Moral of the story: if they move too fast BE CAUTIOUS and trust your gut! This man was also focused on my money and who knows what could’ve happened. He’s tried contacting me through social media even though while we were dating he didn’t believe in social media, suddenly he now does. I know I’m not completely out of the woods, but I’m glad to be done with that psycho. Never will I ignore my gut again. My body knew months ahead something wasn’t right.

stressyandagressy · 2020-03-16T14:12:37+00:00

Why was this post so loud??? I feel attacked and embarrassed

LadyGrimes · 2020-03-16T17:05:30+00:00

Some of them fake commitment until they get you and then you see a whole other side to them.

Nikita_kitty93 · 2020-03-16T17:55:49+00:00

Fuck I fell for this trap from the last relationship I thought I had. I am so glad I found this subreddit because I am learning a lot here

ny-lady · 2020-03-17T01:54:21+00:00

Men that fast, I run. Red flag.

ForevaBubbles · 2020-03-17T03:30:13+00:00

I agree, guys do that crap a lot. It always feels fake when it's that soon and it pretty much always is. The ones I've dated that wanted to define the relationship that fast have all been bad people. Seem like they're super into you then they cancel plans all the time, make up fake emergencies. Sometimes they completely disappear for a while and you think you've been ghosted then they pop up again randomly in a month or so. I can only think that means they have a wife or family somewhere you don't know about. I told them to shove it and I want going to talk to them anymore.

WorkingOnMyself01 · 2020-03-17T08:19:19+00:00

After three dates I don't expect exclusive behavior. However, recently I got furious a guy had lied about his ex being in his past. They were still in contact. Absolutely, I felt deceived, angry, and hurt. I let him have it.

Anyone else I'd been indifferent to.

Thoughts?

Title	Men who ask for commitment too early are as dangerous as those who refuse commitment
Author	pinkyberries
Upvotes	250
Comments	44
Date	March 16, 2020 8:29 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fjho66/men_who_ask_for_commitment_too_early_are_as/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/men-who-ask-for-commitment-too-early-are-as.680094 https://theredarchive.com/post/680094

Comments