First of all, I’d like to say I’m so enthused to have found this sub with like-minded people. Your posts and comments have already given me and my friends so much hope, laughter and wisdom.

I have noticed this trend and the uptick of it through my own experiences and other women talking about it. Like many other young women who starts to actively date people in her early and throughout 20’s and now has stopped, this is seriously a huge concern and I cannot understand why it is being so normalized. I am of course talking about men (in this case usually ages between 20-40) who love to be dominant over a “consenting” submissive women in bed – and yes, of course it is always a woman younger than himself. Usually it involves acts of brute physical force upon her, hurting her on different levels (choking, spanking, insults, forcing her to deep throat, et cetera) and playing mind games (scaring, manipulating). Men like this sometimes also call themselves a "dom" (it's so fucking cringey I know) on their profiles. These acts are also common to watch on basically every porn site, available to anyone with an internet connection.

I seriously do not understand how we have come to a point where this is becoming the norm. How many times have a man not suggested to do shit like this way too early into hooking up, or men who proudly boast and justify this “kink” to their surroundings? Or women sharing experiences about men constantly yapping about safe sex but still pushing the boundaries as much as possible, causing immense and lasting sexual trauma for women involved? Like bitch you're already oppressing women on every fucking level in society, why you gotta do this. Acts like this went from being in closed controlled circles of experienced kink performers to becoming an outlet for the everyday man wanting to hurt women and hiding behind it being a "kink". And almost every time, when I have declined to do what they suggest, it becomes the whole speech of “you haven’t tried it yet, I think you’d like it”. No, because I don’t hate myself that much.

Before anyone start accusing me for “kink shaming”, hear me out. I am aware that there are ways for both parties to be involved in sex acts like this in a safe, organized and consensual way and I know there are BDSM-communities that work hard to educate about this. However, you’d be denying the reality if you’d think this would be the case in most instances. Most of the times men like this don’t give a fuck about safe sex because news flash… if you fantasize about degrading, hurting and humiliating women in bed, you are a misogynist and should not be trusted around women. Seek help asap. There is no other explanation to men who get a hard on from doing this to women, consensual or not. How are these men’s mindsets different than actual groomers and rapists?

As much as I’m for sexual liberation, shit like this has no place in it. I'd like to hear about your thoughts about this. Or if you think I'm wrong, change my mind.