Ladies, I’m so tired of being terrible to myself.

Why did I let myself be treated that way? Why did I waste years of my life hating myself? Why didn’t I listen to my intuition?

There’s not much I can do at this point except learn from my past mistakes. Level up with me!

Right now I’m in the middle of a pretty major glow up. I’m also working on strength training and jogging.

This will be pinned on my profile, so hopefully that will keep me accountable. Please feel free to critique or offer any suggestions.

There will be no more dating for me until the following things have happened:

  • Braces off!

  • Ideal BMI range: 20-21 [current: 23.7]

  • I can do 20+ pushups in a row

  • COVID-19 is under control

  • I’ve read all the books listed below

  • 6 months worth of expenses in savings account

edit: fixed credentials

CAVEATS:

  • The BMI range is just my general ideal, but it’s not set in stone

  • Anything marked with an “X” didn’t jibe with me at the time, but I might go back to some of them

[✓] “Why Men Love Bitches” by Shirley Argov *****

[✓] “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” by Mark Manson ****

[✓] “Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft *****

[✓] “Psychopaths and Love” by Adelyn Birch ***

[X] “Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day” by Anne Katherine, M.A.

[...] “The Self-Confidence Workbook: A Guide to Overcoming Self-Doubt and Improving Self-Esteem” by Barbara Markway, PhD; and Celia Ampel

[...] “The Empathy Trap: Understanding Antisocial Personalities” by Dr. Jane McGregor, PhD; and Tim McGregor

[] “Becoming Bulletproof: Protect Yourself, Read People, Influence Situations, and Live Fearlessly” by Evy Poumpouras

[] “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People” by George K. Simon, Jr., PhD

[] “The Art of Deception: An Introduction to Critical Thinking ” by Nicholas Capaldi and Miles Smit

[] “Lie Spotting: Proven Techniques to Detect Deception” by Pamela Meyer

[] “What Every Body is Saying” by Joe Navarro with Marvin Karlins, PhD

[] “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel van der Kolk, MD

[] “Blink” by Malcolm Gladwell

[] “The Gift of Fear: and Other Survival Signals that Protect us from Violence” by Gavin de Becker

[] “Codependent” by Ellen Preston

[] “Who’s Pulling Your Strings: How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life” by Harriet B. Braiker, PhD

[] “The Gaslighting Recovery Workbook: Healing from Emotional Abuse” by Amy Marlow-MaCoy, LPC

[] “How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved” by Sandra L. Brown, MA

[] “Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You” by Susan Forward, PhD

[] “Why Women are Blamed for Everything: Exploring the Victim Blaming of Women Subjected to Violence and Trauma” by Dr. Jessica Taylor

[] “The Laws of Human Nature” by Robert Greene

[] “The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt US” by Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC

[] “The Narcissist in Your Life” by Julie L. Hall

[] “Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People” by Jackson MacKenzie

[] “Red Flags: Frenemies, Underminers, and Ruthless People” by Wendy L. Patrick, PhD

[] “Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us” by Robert D, Hare, PhD

[] “The Sociopath Next Door” by Martha Stout, PhD

[] “Managing Your Mind: The Mental Fitness Guide, Third Edition” by Gillian Butler, PhD; Nick Grey DClinPsych; and Tony Hope, MD

[] “Protecting Yourself from Emotional Predators: Neutralize the Users, Abusers, and Manipulators Hidden Among Us” by Steven J. Wolhandler, JD, MA, LPC

[] “Out of the Fog: Moving from Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse” by Dana Morningstar

[] “Boundaries: When to Say Yes and How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend (note: this one seems to be biblical in nature, so I might skip over parts which aren’t relevant to me)

[] “Sitting Target: How and Why the Narcissist Chooses You” by H G Tudor (note: the author is a self-proclaimed narc)

[] “Psychology Applied to Modern Life: Adjustment in the 21st Century” by Wayne Weiten and others

[] “50 Psychology Classics” by Tom Butler-Bowdon

[] “How to Break Out of Prison” John Wareham

[] “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey

[] “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead” by Brene Brown, PhD, LMSW

[] “Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity” by David Allen

[] “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu

[] “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business” by Charles Duhigg

[] “Warrior Goddess Training Program: Become the Woman You are Meant to Be” by Heatherash Amara

[] “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing” by Marie Kondo

[] “The Total Money Makeover: A Proven Plan for Financial Success” by Dave Ramsey

[] “Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

[] “The Four Agreements: A Toltec Wisdom Book” by Don Miguel Ruiz

[] “The Bullet Journal Method: Track the Past, Order the Present, and Design the Future” by Ryder Carroll

[] “Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More than IQ” by Daniel Goleman

[] “The Empowered Highly Sensitive Person: A Workbook” by Amanda Cassil

[] “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie

[] “The 48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene

[] “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment” by Amir Levine, MD; and Rachel S. F. Heller, M.A.

[] “Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger” by Soraya Chemaly

[] “He’s Just Not that Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

[] “Be Honest--You’re Not that Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve” by Ian Kerner, PhD

[] “Models” by Mark Manson

[] “The Art of Seduction” by Robert Greene

[] “F*CK Him! - Nice Girls Always Finish Single - ‘A guide for sassy women who want to get back in control of their love life’” by Brian Keephimattracted

[] “Not Your Mother’s Rules: The New Secrets for Dating” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider

[] “It’s Just a Date: How to Get em’. Read ‘em, and Rock ‘em” by Greg Behrendt and Amira Ruotola-Behrendt

[] "The Power of the Pussy: Get What You Want From Men: Love, Respect, Commitment and More!" by Kara King

[] “Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work” by David D. Burns, MD

[] “Getting to ‘I Do’” by Dr. Patricia Allen and Sandra Harmon

[] “Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, PhD