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Thestral-glow6
[–]Sassy_PralineFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Great advice, OP! This also applies to jobs.
[–]kimjongchill796FDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Looking back, there’s a massive parallel between the LVM I dated and the LV jobs I worked. No matter how hard I tried to be “good,” “non-confrontational,” “use good communication skills,” nothing ever changed in those situations. Ever. In the end I was fed up and left both the man and the job for not being appreciated in any capacity. Like a HVM, a good job will work to keep their good employees happy.
[–]Skizzor_SisterFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And like so many women trapped in bad relationships, I didn't even realize this until I got a job in a place that wasn't a seething hellhole. I just thought that's how jobs are, they all make you miserable. Now I work with an amazing (all female) team who are constantly supportive and appreciative and I actually like going to work everyday.
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Going through this right now with my job. 10/10 can confirm this is 100% accurate.
[–]paris_rogue2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Love this feedback and username hehe xD
[–]Sassy_PralineFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yup. I also noticed that I brought my Pickmeisha energy to my LV jobs. I was always going over and beyond for bosses and coworkers that didn’t deserve it, for crappy pay and no recognition. I also projected insecurities and overshared in interviews and at work. I won’t be doing that again, thanks to FDS!
[–]werker115FDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I like this. I notice in past relationships where I felt I was not seen or valued, I felt like I had to “convince” the guy of it...I would end up talking waaaay toooo much, makes me cringe to look back on.
[–]SuitablePerformance3FDS Disciple15 points16 points17 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This!! If you ever feel someone is making you insecure and as if you have to prove yourself then drop them! It's a "them" problem not a "you" problem and you don't owe them anything.
[–]MyDarlingGirlFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Women need to MEDITATE DAILY on this quote. I see way too many women (including me at my worst), associating their value in life with men's opinions of them. It needs to stop.
[–]SkettiNoodleFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes. Happened to me in a car park. I have a very old, banged up car compared to all the rich people in my area. There was a dude in a convertible who was kinda blocking a lane, and my first instinct was to be submissive because he had a better car, but I quickly realised that my life and his life are EQUAL IN VALUE so I drove up to his car and made it clear that I wanted to pass. He looked a bit amazed haha but he moved. I will not be ashamed of my economic status (or any other status) because it does not decrease my value as a human being.
[–]FrequentPoetryPickmeisha™️5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Very important message! ♡
[–]Throwitaway_72946FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Everyone should have this on their walls.
[–]jayohday2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This goes for bosses/workplaces, too!
[–]ScallionOk958FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I just imagined seeing this in the opening credits for the Simpsons
[–]Thestral-glow6FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Haha I see what you mean!
[–]rightioushippieFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Ok Please humor my questioning as newbie though: How people see us defines our value to them. If we are low value to be people around us then doesn't that make us low value? How is value defined in the FDS universe?
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
How people see us defines our value to them.
TO THEM.
If somebody doesn't appreciate or understand your value, the problem is them and you need to move on.
If we are low value to be people around us then doesn't that make us low value?
I'm not sure I understand your question.
Your value is defined by how you conduct your life, your character and values, etc. Other people can't define that for you.
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Especially when what others value vs what you value are vastly different. A lot of men place a high importance on attractiveness to them. However, I personally don't care about whether they find me attractive, and care more about my values and achievements as a person to determinr how I value myself (living authentically with empathy, kindness, good relationships with family and friends, performing well at work).
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
100%. /u/rightioushippie, see above comment.
The point of this whole exercise isn't about other people. Defining our value by how others value us sets us up for relationships situations that are transactional or parasitic.
I like the way /u/just_takin_the_d places importance on her values. Personally, that's how I feel about it for myself, too. I'm honest, ambitious, loyal (within reason), and I have good self-esteem. And I naturally seek people who share those values.
Chump Lady has some great articles on her blog about what healthy relationships look like. She says (and I agree) that it comes down to compatible values/character. Nobody can define that for you, only you can. Value isn't about what you can do for someone else.
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[–]Sassy_PralineFDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]kimjongchill796FDS Newbie30 points31 points32 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Skizzor_SisterFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]paris_rogue2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Sassy_PralineFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]werker115FDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SuitablePerformance3FDS Disciple15 points16 points17 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MyDarlingGirlFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SkettiNoodleFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]FrequentPoetryPickmeisha™️5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Throwitaway_72946FDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jayohday2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ScallionOk958FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Thestral-glow6FDS Newbie[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]rightioushippieFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link