HIS GREEN FLAGS

I have been with this guy, let's call him Adam, for a few months. He had some promising traits: well-paid job (similar to mine tho, not better), always eager to pay, always cleaning after himself. Good manners, in general, healthy relationships with family and friends and colleagues. Even during our worst fights, he never ever dared to insult me or shout at me. He was (still is) in therapy, for no mental illness in particular but for self-improvement goals.

HIS NOT-SO-GREEN FLAGS

However, Adam also had some yellowish flags. The worst one: a very long strike of short-term relationships. Some women left him in very abrupt ways (with petty revenges and stuff), and I always thought "Well, I bet he wasn't treating them very well, was he". We are the same age basically (in our 30s), and while I had only 3, long-term serious relationships, he had like a dozen of virtually meaningless ones. It never sit completely right with me.

STATING MY BOUNDARIES

I am friend with one of my exes, because we were childhood friends and after all these years behave like siblings. So, I didn't have strong prejudices about being in good terms with exes. I hence told Adam he could have still some contacts with some of his exes, but, I would have liked to know about it (just as he knew about that one ex of mine, they even met). Adam told me yeah, sure, he would have been transparent about that.

THE BREAK-UP

Guess what, I had to discover myself that he was still chatting with his latest ex. I noticed the name of this girl in his notifications, and made my computation: she wasn't a colleague, not family, nor friend. So, I confronted him, and he did admit she was an ex. Now, the details will blow your mind:

- the chat was about the fact that she still had her stuff at his place, and he tried to arrange a way to give them back (some heavy things included). I never knew she even existed. I was hanging out at his place too, but I never noticed her things because they were hid. Also, he had told me no other girl ever lived with him.

- she was 7 years younger than him.

- he said he didn't openly lie about that: he knew I could have asked him directly by seeing the notification.

- he said the things were not so well-hid anyway, so he said I should have noticed them myself.

- when I told him I wanted to break up with him because all of this, he went sobbing to his friends. They apparently said I was exaggerating, and that probably I was too immature , having such a reaction for this thing. He, of course, was eager to tell me their opinions.

- when I told him 7 years younger was a giant red flag to me, and wouldn't have got with him in the first place if I knew, he reacted in all the most ridiculous ways. First, he said it was only 3 months and then he broke up with her, so he did realize it wasn't right and wasn't a serious relationship he felt the need to talk about. But, she was living with him, and they went on holiday together? And, why was him attracted to her in the first place, a girl that just started university? And, if she wasn't important, why hiding her from me so carefully?

NOW

I am so mad at myself right now because I didn't discover any of this before but only after a few months of being with him. As if his strike of failed, short relationships, and the way women broke up with him, was not already a proof of the bad partner he is. It would help me to receive from this sub I respect the confirmation that I, at least, did the right thing dumping a scrote.

TLDR just dumped a scrote. He had some green flags, but some green flags apparently aren't enough. Learnt the lesson.