Most of us ladies grow up with all of society telling us that the most important thing is to find a relationship with a man. As a result, we spend countless hours daydreaming about boys (later, men), focusing on them and their lives instead of our own. As we get older, we become smarter and more skeptical of men, but continue to spend time thinking about them. Does action x make him a hvm? Are x, y, and z evidence of him cheating? What do I have to do to get him to marry me? I wonder what his life story is! and so on. There is a large focus on other people - men - instead of on ourselves.

I'm here to tell you today that not only is this a huge waste of your time, but also that the vast majority of men don't function this way. Men understand the value of their own time and energy. Every moment they possibly can is put toward themselves - either working or studying to make money for themselves in the future, or doing activities that they personally enjoy, whether it's playing video games, getting off, or whatever. If you are spending more than a tiny percentage of your time and energy thinking about anything to do with a man, this will never be reciprocated. Never.

Do you think men are daydreaming about women (in a non-sexual way), wondering about this or that aspect of her personality, or whether she would like it if they took her to such-and-such place, or thinking about how to help her in some way? Do you think most of them would even consider putting vast amounts of time into planning something for their love interest/girlfriend/wife? Do you think they really give a shit about your backstory or your evolution as a person? Hell no! Men understand that their life is for them. Masters of efficiency, they ruthlessly reserve each and every last second that they possibly can for themselves. That means they're more than happy to let you do all of the housework, child care, social planning and so on. It is not a question of morals or ethics for them - it is simply them maximizing their time. That's their modus operandi.

Of course, they will think as far as they have to in order to get sex. That's pretty much the only motivator for most of them.

This may sound extreme, but each time you even think about a man who's not 1000% dedicated to you, and who has put in the work, is a distraction from something you could be doing that would actually concretely benefit you.

Imagine if you could go back in time to say, middle school, and completely remove the concept of romance for your life. You might master math or science, get into a better-paying career, and be able to put more money into investments, which would grow exponentially larger, and enable you to have a much better and more secure lifestyle. You might discover a hidden passion that you could be pouring your time into that would really make life worth living rather than wondering what this or that message means from that guy you're in a semi-situationship with. Or you might be able to develop a lifelong friendship with another woman who cared just as much about you as you cared about her. The possibilities are endless and vast, but the difference is, the time and energy you put into things for you is an investment for you. It will come back to you. The time and energy you put into men will always just go that man. They might reciprocate a maximum of 10% on occasion, but that's it. Aren't you worth more?

So do yourself a favor and try severely limiting any time or effort going toward men.

  • Don't get excited when you get a text from a guy - get and remain skeptical.
  • Don't lead the conversation - let them do that, and if they don't, just let the conversation die.
  • Let him do the work.
  • Anything shady, just block - no use in getting into an hours-long texting session for him to manipulate you.
  • Pretend dating isn't a thing and start pursuing your passions. (For me, it's international travel, cooking Chinese food, and studying data science.)

I promise that you will be so much happier when you get that much more control over your own life.