Are literally all the men sitting there laughing at us as they ask us on "walking dates" and try to get us to come over to their apartments?

mizchanandlerbong · 2020-11-06T20:38:39+00:00

Lol I can walk by myself. I'm short and they rarely match my step and I end up slowing down to see how long until they notice. So disrespectful.

I don't want to get to know anyone during this pandemic, anyway. If I can't properly vet them, I don't want them. I don't care if they want to talk on the phone or zoom or dinner, whatever. We're in a pandemic, I'm not interested. I don't do long-distance, I don't do virtual. I need touch, I need to see faces, I need to see microexpressions. Call me high-maintenance all they want, I'm spending this pandemic working on myself, even if it never ends.

Breaking up is a bitch and I don't have time to wallow. It's too much.

So if they want to use whatever trick they've got, more power to them because I'm immune to their words. For real, I'm not listening. I have friends, my art, my music, my fitness, and I don't need dick that badly. I'm done stressing and being a pickme.

FleetingDaisy · 2020-11-06T19:23:15+00:00

Did you guys know women are REQUIRED to message men first on Bumble, like for men there isn't even an option to initiate the chat? Where are we going as a society? for a walk I guess.

ceramicunicorn · 2020-11-06T15:05:54+00:00

I don’t think it’s as coordinated as that. I think the majority of men on the apps are either 1) just lazy and this is their time to shine bc so many quality guys are off apps or 2) exhausted but also seek company, not fully processing that, you know, if you’re that exhausted, it’s a time to learn how to be alone for a bit to gather your energy 3) jaded but still secretly need us so they claim to be on because they’re “just bored”.

All wastes of time. People really need to learn how to cope being alone! It’s not ideal, but it’s what you have to do if you’re in no position to give of yourself.

But the confidence of men is such that it doesn’t even occur to them that they must keep in mind how they’re affecting other people. They just...go for what they want 🤷‍♀️ (Lord knows I could use some of that confidence).

So for any of those reasons, I see these profiles (saw many today) that scream “I don’t want to put too much into this”. It grinds my gears. For the lurkers, what message do you think you are sending, man? Maybe some of them are nice men that put in the work later (I know a few), but there’s something in the ether or whatever that is deluding them into thinking they don’t have to work at these opening steps- even 5 years ago profiles weren’t quite this rampantly bad.

I have to do hair, makeup, lighting, outfit, angle, background, etc....and these mf’s just point and shoot 4 selfies in 4 shirts and expect I’ll come running. Do I feel goofy taking so many pictures? Yes I do! Not every woman wants to stand and pose for 5 minutes. I promise you, it’s awkward. Yes people will stare and sometimes laugh at how the sausage gets made. We push through anyway. So men can do it too. Sometimes I catch them doing it in public and I think “Good for you”, but most are too proud.

You know what also feels inauthentic and pandering and “look at me selling me!”? A resume. And no one in their right mind is going to turn in a handwritten piece of paper with simply a list of duties.

I think this shift is really starting to affect men. They probably haven’t had to work this hard to get sex since the 50s (and even then women would tolerate so much more in a marriage), and in a society that is so messed up right now to boot. Sorry COVID happened, but it is not an excuse for women to go back to relaxing standards and accepting non-dates! You FaceTime until you feel ready to take her out properly. She doesn’t have to be “bangable” to be “worth” that. You don’t need to assess her body first to determine if she has enough value for a real date. She just has to be a good time- a decent conversationalist making an effort who is not an asshole and shows clear interest in you.

What I’m hoping is that men will finally get it and make a firm decision- “I am dropping out of the pool and paying for escorts when I can because this is too hard”, or, “I am going to take a cue, lay off the porn so my motivation kicks up, and level up”. I don’t know how long that will take.

Anyway, you’re not alone. The amount of walking date suggestions I’ve seen (when outdoor dining is available in most places) is demoralizing and I find myself taking it personally. But who knows, they might very well take Gigi Hadid on a “stroll in the park”. OLD is probably a waste of time. I’m only on it because I have exactly one interesting conversation running, the first in months.

Imaginsanion · 2020-11-05T14:48:42+00:00

Men have a hive mind.

(Joke since some claim women do)

Buckley92 · 2020-11-06T11:13:47+00:00

I know two guys. They're both fairly immature. One is more low key but if you read between the lines it's there. The other is a walking advertisement for LVM which is a shame because he's actually really good looking. But calling women in their 20s young blood and bursting out laughing at the suggestion that maybe you should pay for most dates is LVM.

Pillowzzz · 2020-11-06T09:29:21+00:00

I had a dude insist on a walking date. I told him that I didn’t feel safe because it was past dark etc. and if we could do a lunch date or something later that week. Then he started complaining how other dudes were ruining dating for him by making women afraid of hiking type first dates (which yeah, violence against women sucks but don’t get all whiny like it requires you to do more work, ugh 🙄). He said that he was hyper-aware of the Me Too movement and just wanted to respect women. Well, I was pathetic and gave in. Want to know what happened? I slept with him that night and he ghosted me 🤡

Optimal_Grapefruit_5 · 2020-11-05T20:58:41+00:00

I looked it up and it's a "seduction technique" for some because they get to touch you and "direct you" like you're some kind of dog; others admit it's simply cheap.
People out there trying to frame them as more comfortable. Nah sis, men aren't comfortable with women's silence no matter what they say and I hate talking when I'm walking.

Look, walking dates were pretty much the only dates I ever went on with my ex when I was a 19 year-old pickmeisha and he was broke as hell. Guys who weren't broke and were interested in making a good impression actually took me out to dinner.

tossed_salad100 · 2020-11-05T17:01:39+00:00

Some guys really are just lazy/clueless and do it because they can get away with it and they don't think about it.

Manosphere types absolutely DO compete for bare minimum and laugh at us. They love seeing how degrading they can be, and things like this are examples. Just go to any redpill-type sub and prepare to lose your faith in humanity.

2020-11-05T14:57:08+00:00

It doesn't take a dude counsel to find the lowest common denominator.

It just takes a bunch of stupid women letting it happen.

They literally all come to the same conclusion individually.

sashazulu · 2020-11-05T13:30:13+00:00

Coffee dates are being given as genuine advice. Now the apartment thing that’s just their natural creep instincts ^*if it’s an option on the first 6 dates and if you just met him ie via dating app or real life . Refuse both

seadragon6 · 2020-11-05T10:56:52+00:00

I think it’s more insidious because it doesn’t bring either party joy for them to think so little of women. I don’t think the men who’ve asked me on walk dates are laughing about it, but rather thinking, “I’m gonna meet her to see if she’s physically my type (rather than FaceTime to vet during a pandemic) but make sure I don’t spend a dime on her until she proves herself to me.”

It’s still depraved. But it’s so insidious because they go online and find other men who advise walk and coffee dates for those reasons above.

dahliaukifune · 2020-11-05T08:06:07+00:00

Today I went on a date to a very nice cafe (one of the few places with dine-in in the area, very yummy food). He arrived before me and texted me to let me know he was sitting inside. He stood up when I approached the table (and he was visibly paying attention to see me arrive) and asked me where I wanted to sit. Moved the table a bit so I could reach the couch area I liked. He was respectful, had good conversation, didn’t interrupt me. We had to look at the menu on our phones; he loaded it and immediately handed it to me so I could choose before him. When he realized I had only selected a dish, he asked if I wanted something to drink. He paid and laughed sweetly when I asked—as it is customary in my country—if it was okay.

At the end he helped me put my coat back on, held the door open for me, and offered me a ride home. When I said I wanted to walk, since it wasn’t too far and I spend too much time sitting already, he asked me if he could walk me home. I agreed and he did, respecting my body language and desired distance at all times. I don’t think I had ever been treated this way. He’s about four years older than me (we are in our thirties, so don’t picture a nervous child, he really was more of a gentleman), and not American either.

I’m not sure we’ve clicked, but I’m definitely impressed. So those other guys who can’t even treat you to a drink can go fuck themselves!

2020-11-05T07:41:31+00:00

[permanently deleted]

creamtart_ · 2020-11-05T07:40:03+00:00

They know exactly what they’re doing, they are excellent manipulators and will stop at nothing to do the bare minimum only.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2020-11-05T07:15:34+00:00

That’s giving many men too much credit for making a conscious choice (aka the wrong decision) when in reality they are making an offer that perfectly makes sense for them because their standard for what women deserve is on the floor. They don’t laugh about it generally because to them it’s not a joke. It’s legitimately what they think women deserve, what they think they want, and would accept.

That’s why women collectively need to raise the standard. Men generally don’t think women deserve to be wined and dined, and made to feel special.

Title	Are literally all the men sitting there laughing at us as they ask us on "walking dates" and try to get us to come over to their apartments?
Author	curlygirl507
Upvotes	291
Comments	60
Date	November 5, 2020 5:30 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/jod81u/are_literally_all_the_men_sitting_there_laughing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/are-literally-all-the-men-sitting-there-laughing.1193881 https://theredarchive.com/post/1193881

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