~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
curlygirl507
[–]inlovewithaloserFDS Newbie269 points270 points271 points 3 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
I’m 25 and it’s so easy to forget how young I still am, when I feel like I lost my early 20s to anxiety, depression, and chasing relationships with LVM. In a way, it’s comforting to hear I’m not the only 25 yr old struggling with this.
[–]wolf_townPickmeisha™️42 points43 points44 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Same 🥺
[–]HmtnswFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I'm about to turn 28 and feel that way. Like people make you feel that life is about over when you hit 30
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 20 points21 points22 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's not. It gets better, promise.
[–]Apricot_IbexFDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And they only do that to women. Men do it as a scare tactic to make women feel like they will “lose out” if they don’t hurry up and “settle,” while whining that marriage is a trap for MEN. They have severe Peter Pan syndrome while raging about women’s so-called “expiration date.” Guys like that are useless and dull AF.
[–]berned-outFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's a giant lie, and it's the exact opposite. Men say that bc older ppl are a lot harder to take advantage of. It's just a big "negging" lie society tells you. Life gets outrageously better the older you get.
[–]isv1234FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am too sister. Especially being very family oriented.
[–]hotvenom64 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
S A M E
[–]photocynthesize3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Me too! It's not over, it's just beginning 😊
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice102 points103 points104 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I like that it's 25 - when I was 25 I finally got to start in my profession. A profession where you do a bachelor at uni, followed by a very tough grad dip whilst full time working (CPA). I remember the other girls in my graduate group at work were talking about how they "just can't wait to be married". I said that I don't mind about finding someone and getting married - getting married isn't reallt a goal for me. Boy did I get looked at like I was the biggest weirdo, that being a housewife with children was not the end goal.
I'm not here to study hard for 6 years to make my life goal be a house slave, and throw my life and passions away as soon as some LVM sends me a "wyd" text
[–]scarnoir7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
“And throw my life and passions away as soon as some LVM sends me a “wyd” text” has brought me much laughter - I love that last paragraph, because gosh it’s accurate.
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm glad it made you laugh! Sadly these ladies are very bright, and it was really disappointing to hear that getting married (note the language - it wasn't "finding love") was their top priority. It was a little bit like Mona Lisa Smile!
[–]sagisisterThrowaway Account164 points165 points166 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish I’d seen this years ago. It’s a message too many girls and women aren’t given.
[–]CastleInTheAtticFDS Newbie190 points191 points192 points 3 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
I needed to see this today. I just got out of a long term relationship that was all wrong for me. And I’m 24 but I still feel like I’m “running out of time” But you’re right. I have my whole life ahead of me and I can do anything. Thank you.
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 196 points197 points198 points 3 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
I'm 32 and feel like I'm just getting started. I've been to 27 countries and just in the last year have learned how to cook absolutely delicious Asian food. I'm also studying for a new career. Twenty-four is nothing.
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie150 points151 points152 points 3 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
I was similar to you...my life only really 'started' after I got out of a dead 7-year relationship at 30. Suddenly I realised that I could just go and do all the stuff I wanted to do without some whiny dude dragging me down. Within a year of the break-up I'd visited Japan and South America, got a better paying new job and moved where I'd always wanted to live. Four years later, I was retraining for a different career in tech and learning to code, having achieved a bunch of personal goals, from becoming fluent in Spanish and passing the tremendously difficult C2 exam, to completing a half marathon to visiting Frida Kahlo's house in Mexico on a solo trip. It was so liberating and exciting to set myself these goals and work towards them.
That dude is still working in the same place, with the same people, drinking at the same pubs. If I had stayed, that's what my life would have been. In place of all the memories I made over the past five years, it would have been a blur of the same thing, the same people, the same places. I barely even have any memories of my twenties, when I was with him, because we never did anything memorable.
Men hold you back so much.
[–]greatcathyFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I went to Frida Kahlo's house and it was AMAZING, especially seeing her artist's illustrated journal.
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, it was a truly magical experience. I can't believe I ever tried to convince myself that a drab existence living in a dull London suburb, commuting to my crap dead-end job and never getting to travel anywhere was a life I was OK with. I cannot wait for this to be over and to travel more!
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 37 points38 points39 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I am so so proud of you 💕
I've been on my current path since I broke up with my ex at 28. He's still at the same entry-level job at 34 that he started almost 7 years ago. This is a job where everyone except him has been promoted after 6-18 months. He was whiny too! We have so much in common. The career thing is taking me longer than I'd wanted, but I'll get there.
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So happy for you too! My loser ex got promoted but is still on terrible money...he just thinks he's so important now because he gets to be the boss and order people around. Meanwhile, his wife's parents had to gift him money to buy a flat, because he's incapable of providing for his kid with what he earns.
[–]VorpalSingularityFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I've had such a similar experience. I separated from my ex last year and finalized the divorce in July. Since I've left him, I've backpacked across southeast Asia, travelled all along the east coast of the US from Florida to Maine and everywhere in between, completed two Tough Mudders, had more time to dedicate to my art and podcast and spirituality and outdoor adventure, climbed out of depression, got way more fit, and am nearly done with my chemistry PhD. My apartment is also way cleaner, and my roommate actually contributes to her fair share of the bills instead of me being guilted into paying for everything (though the ex could certainly afford video games and huge amounts of weed everyday!).
For the first time in my adult life at 32 (we got together at 18 and married at 24... bleh), I can afford to buy myself things. Three weeks ago I realized it would be nice to commute by bike to campus, so I bought myself a really nice $600 road bike with accessories. I never would've been able to do that if I were still with that loser. Meanwhile, he's still waiting tables at a large chain Italian restaurant, playing games and smoking weed and making nothing of himself. My life was also mostly a blur until I left him, and now I've lived so much and made so many memories in the 1.5 years I've been free.
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
So happy for you! That all sounds so amazing...I would love to start a podcast or a blog!
Totally know what you mean about finally being able to afford things. I was scared to leave for the longest time because I was afraid I would be so broke and it would be horrible. Turns out that it is actually possible to save money for trips and hobbies when you're not wasting it all drinking with people you don't even like and your partner isn't spending all your money on expensive groceries because he's too lazy to walk another 8 or 9 minutes down the road to go to the cheap supermarket instead of the fancy one.
It's just so nice not feeling trapped, isn't it? Knowing that if you want to go somewhere, you can just go. You don't need to convince someone else, or be guilted into not going because 'we can't afford it'. If you want to buy a bike, you just buy one. No guilt tripping or whining about how expensive it is.
It's insane how many things I had just written off as being 'not for me' and accepted that I was always going to be poor. My world was so small with that guy. We once took one trip in two entire years - five days in Spain - because we were apparently just too broke for anything else. Now, I sometimes decide on a Monday that I'm going to Paris for the weekend, and just go. Book the train (I'm in London) and hotel in 20 minutes on my lunch break from work, and a few days later, I'm drinking coffee and eating croissants by the Seine. Weird how that loser dude would have considered £100 too much to spend on a train to Paris, but wouldn't have hesitated to spend £100 on an average random Friday night, drinking pints of crappy beer and eating a mediocre pub burger, talking shit with the same people he saw all day, every day at work.
The change in mindset is just the best!
[–]MostlyToasted0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm so happy for you and honestly it sounds like you're having the best time. I'm also London-based (there are a few of us - reckon we should hang out sometime!) and I'm going to start booking more weekend trips to Paris/Amsterdam when the pandemic clears up. My work is also giving me two months sabbatical and I'm dying to go to Vietnam for that. Solo travel is so enriching.
[–]VorpalSingularityFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am so happy for you too! Your new life sounds so much better. It brings my heart such joy to see women starting to realize how much more they deserve and following their dreams!
[–]Aurelia_rFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
More power to you!
[–]AndaQueThrowaway Account7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Wow, congratulations for passing the Spanish exam.
Es mi lengua materna y por los ejemplos de examen que he visto no lo apruebo ni en tres vidas jeje.
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Gracias :) It was super hard going, for sure! Probably the most brutal exam I've ever taken. I just tried to have a positive mindset about it, studied for a couple of hours every day in the month or two leading up to it, and stayed calm and collected. I did NOT expect to pass first time at all, so it was such an amazing surprise to get the results! It made me realise that I was capable of so, so much more than I had been doing.
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple35 points36 points37 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I started a new career at 31, it's def possible! I also feel like I'm just getting started and it's amazing.
I'm very curious about the Asian food now (partly Asian). I love it! What kitchen are you learning to cook?
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 15 points16 points17 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I'm not Asian at all but I've been cooking a ton of dishes from the Woks of Life blog. Just last night I made salt and pepper squid from scratch for myself.
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nice, I'm going to check out the blog!
[–]preppykat3Throwaway Account4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You’re an absolute inspiration. I’m 24 and feel like I’m running out of time to pursue a good career and passions
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Not at all. You could literally start your life completely over like four times and still have time to it again.
Honestly, each year since 29 has been happier than the last for me. My 20s were pretty bad.
[–]nowayfroseFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
31 and it’s been almost a year since I broke off my engagement to an abusive LVM. I needed this - it’s time to get off the treadmill of trying to find a husband. Can I embroider this on a pillow?
[–]datfishd00dFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm 23yo and broke up with my boyfriend a couple days ago. I feel you.
[–]nerezzamoreFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm 25 and I really needed this to pop up on my feed. Thank you. I'm off to study now and improve my life :)
[–]mysthiosFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thank god I never idealized marriage, thanks to my parents' relationship 🙃
[–]ThisAintMyOnlyUNFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is me. It saved me in some ways but it made me really reluctant to commit long term.
Somewhere along the line I realize relationships seemingly only benefitted men so I just went about my life. The men could either run to catch up or be left behind. In the end, they were all left behind.
[–]lightbluemindThrowaway Account72 points73 points74 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm 25 and just now going back to school for my pre-med requirements. Every so often I start to panic thinking "Oh I need to get married before med school, I'll be too old by the time I finish residency" but 30 isn't old! 35 isn't old! (A bit dicey for kids but I don't even know if I want kids!) I can live my life without reference to some imaginary man in my future.
[–]WestAtmosphereFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
25 is still so young, lmao im closer to 30 now and am like damn I wish I would have enjoyed myself more at 24-25 instead of freaking out.
[–]beeetlebeeFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Different circumstances (fresh out of grad school!) but have been feeling the same sort of panic every now and then as a 25 year old and not getting married by 30. 30 is most definitely not old and there is so much more to do in life than thinking about it starting/ending with a husband.
[–]SnooSeagulls2175Throwaway Account65 points66 points67 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
EXACTLY my train of thought at 25.
I remember my best friend at the time said to me, I want to be married by 25 and a kid by 27. She definitely got her wish. We’re 30 now, and she sends me these messages after I post up pictures scaling mountains and living overseas saying, “I wish I was as brave as you.”
[–]lvoncreekFDS Newbie46 points47 points48 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I love how a lot of women choose certain deadlines for these things as if they are projects. Its like it doesnt matter who they marry or have kids with. I dont understand this mindset at all.
[–]SnooSeagulls2175Throwaway Account18 points19 points20 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I cannot tell you how many times I thought the same about her plans. We would get into little arguments about it. I accepted her for her thoughts, and she never tried to change my mind either.
[–]WestAtmosphereFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My one good friend is like this, I love her but damn she needed to chill. I understand how upsetting it is to have plans delayed by covid. But she was so adamant having her wedding this year because SHE MUST get pregnant while still in her 20s. Her and her now husband didn’t have a honeymoon and are just going straight to having kids 🤷♀️. I think its because others in her family have kids and she is influenced by that.
[–]lvoncreekFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah a lot of women want to get pregnant because her friends and family members are also expecting kids. Which is fucking stupid tbh.
I had a friend when I was in my early twenties who said she wanted to get pregnant before she hits 25(!) because she wants to be a young mother.
She managed to get pregnant by a random guy she first met at a pub when they were both wasted. They were in a "relationship" for like 3 weeks when they decided to have a baby together. Social media was full of her posts stating how her dream came true and how pretty family they are when like 1 month earlier she had no idea about the guy's existence lol
We are talking about an intelligent and (previously) ambitious young woman with a uni degree in law.
[–][deleted] 30 points31 points32 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, I fell into this trap myself. It was only after 25, that I started developing a relationship with myself and surprise I don’t need marriage to be fulfilled now
[–]SeaHerSwimFDS Newbie34 points35 points36 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I’m 48, but get mistaken for early 30’s (thanks to genetics! Woohoo!) and have decided that if my job does not come back in January that I’m going to either do grad school or go for a masters degree. You’re never too old to learn, whether it be through dating, education or self awareness/growth. I also have this board to thank for helping me see things in a new light. Yes, even at 48 you still learn to be even MORE independent. 💕
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Honestly 48 is still quite young with plenty of time to start a whole new career. I'm not sure I would do med school because of the cost and how intensive it is, but anything else seems up for grabs. I've known far too many people in their 50s and 60s who have given up on life and just stay miserable rather than trying something new. Proud of you 💕
[–]SeaHerSwimFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
Thank you, that means so much to me! : ) I try to instill some of the things I learn from here into my friends daughters lives. I let them know that they are valued and that they SHOULD be valued by the men in their lives. They are in their teens, but they are bright young women who will pave the way for this world and I’m excited for them. I never had children nor have I ever been married. Not everyone’s life is identical, but valuing oneself is something that can take some mistakes and life lessons to sort through to finally GET IT. For me? It’s high on my priority list! ❤️
[–]feast_or_famine1FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
48 is the new 20! My grandma went back to school at 55. ❤
[–]SeaHerSwimFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I love it! 😊
[–]WestAtmosphereFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Awesome ❤️❤️❤️
[–]htownbaddieFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This! When I was 22 years old I broke off an engagement and thought my world was falling apart. Meanwhile, I had just graduated with an engineering degree, started working for a good company, making good money, and began graduate school part time.
Of course, I felt horrible because the dude tried to ruin everything. But my mother (high-value all the way), was like “girl, why are you stressed??? I WISH I was single and making money....go do the things you want to do! Travel! Spend your money! This is the time to do it”
My mom encouraged some crazy spending habits, haha, but she was right. Why was I a whole 22 year old thinking my life was over because of someone’s dusty ass son lol.
[–]HoneyNJ200039 points40 points41 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Marriage is a trap for women, not men.
If you want to become some lazy slob's indentured servant, then by all means, marry him. If you want better in life, avoid that shit like the poison it is.
[–]SkiesEclipseFDS Apprentice38 points39 points40 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m 27, and I’ve been trying very hard to adopt this mindset. Not gonna lie though, I’m having a hard time bucking societal pressure. Especially when I’m one of the last ones in my family and friend group to be single. It’s weird how I gave 0 fucks in my early 20s whether I was dating a boy or not, but as I’ve gotten older I feel the pressure to “get em before they’re gone!” Especially since men looooove to put us down and say we’re spoiled milk after 30. But FDS deprograms me every day.
[–]WestAtmosphereFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s more of that there is little to no good men after 30 is the issue. Men are more of the leftovers. It’s the ones who didn’t want to settle, sociopaths, incompetent, etc. There are lots of good women not nearly enough good men. Many women end up settling or deciding to stay single. The sociopathic men on the other hand will continue to abuse women and find younger and younger victims. 🤮
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]blanchecatgirlFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
I get what you’re saying but she married at 21 and had a baby at 22. Her goal wasn’t to be a housewife but marrying and having babies young was the norm at that time. She did say of her husband “He was the only boy I ever met who cared that I had a brain.” Might be one of those the bar is on the floor moments but sounds like she had a HVM by her side the entire time.
Edit: Also you think the reason women’s rights are a mess is because of “cockholm syndrome?” Girl NO. RBG would be shaking her damn head after spending a lifetime fighting the patriarchy only to have another woman use her name to support the idea that our oppression is actually our fault.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]blanchecatgirlFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I’d disagree that it’s unusual to live within the norms of your time (that’s the opposite of unusual) or that it’s unusual to marry a man who loves and supports you (though sadly marriage doesn’t always work that way it is supposed to and often does). In the context of the modern day I highly doubt we will ever see another woman follow the relationship path she took and still end up sitting on the Supreme Court. It’s a losing game looking at historical figures for relationship role models as they built their lives in another time. She was an extraordinary woman but not exactly relevant on a post about not being wifed/babied up by 25.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Don't be afraid to do all the things by yourself. That's what I do and it's great ☺️ I did meet some good friends that way too.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes, during normal times I travel internationally, go to restaurants, go to events, etc
[–]bevstarr92FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I needed to see this today. As a 28 year old woman, with a younger sister and an older sister, who are both married, I was starting to feel a failure for not being “settled.”
Next year I’m travelling abroad for the first time since 2005. I have a list of places I want to visit, and take my son to. Focus on that, and not getting married and defining myself by being “someone’s wife.”
[–]good-day-throwawayFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thank you for the reminder. I'm 28 this year, and it's very easy to feel pressured by all the wedding/pregnancy/baby photos that keep popping up on my social media feed. I've muted the lot of them for my own sanity.
[–]ariesgalxoFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’m 23, with 4 years of medical school left. I have no time to waste on a man in my 20s.
[–]megiromaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hope I can follow the same path; it sounds like a good one.
[–]ariesgalxoFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If it’s meant to be it will be. Best of luck!
[–]Raccoon328FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am 25 and I did this over the last 2 weeks. Life changing. I don’t know how everything changed but it did, and it is amazing.
[–]quirkypinkllamaFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Life is lived in freedom. Husbands not allowed. 😛
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Finally at that point in my life 😁💕👑
[–]jayohday4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I always put college and my career first, after growing up in a small town where many women settled for being a working mom but I stg none of them were happy. I couldn’t imagine growing up to have a life where I stayed in that town, got married, had kids and that was that. The idea actually terrified me, and I knew I wanted so much more. The choice to prioritize myself and my career only continues to be the right choice. Men who are intimidated by my career and what I’ve got going on for me — NEXT.
[–]washopingyoudaskFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 3 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
I love how this message completely ignores having kids, which you most likely did in a marriage. You cannot do all these things with kids. LVM makes sure to impregnate and trap women. Maybe I'm taking things too personal. Lol
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Having children is becoming less and less common, especially among college-educated women. Of course, you're not alone - several of my (very intelligent) friends had 2 children in their 20s, but they have lots of family support.
[–]washopingyoudaskFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
All of my friends who are parents are highly educated, with nearly zero help from family but maybe that's just NYC. It's certainly a small sample and my personal experience. All the dudes are duds with the exception of like one, and nearly all the women are amazing
[–]ChimeraSmithFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Being also 40, this is a mindset I need to adapt. I hate that my ex put me a difficult financial situation. I need to stop thinking it’s too late to fix anything and I need a man to help me get through the rest of my life.
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Your ex put you in a difficult financial position. Is it more likely that another man would help, rather than hurt you financially?
You're 40, okay, if you live to be just 80, you have another 30 years for a different career PLUS 10 years of retirement. Or 15/15 + 10, or any other combination.
The only thing is that if you live in the US and haven't started saving for retirement yet, maybe prioritize that due to the magic of compounding interest.
[–]ChimeraSmithFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
??? Um, I said that I need to stop thinking that I need a man... the wheels are already turning to get independent.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I can't be the only one my age (19) who doesn't want to get married or have kids. I saw what my mom had to go through with my father and it wasnt worth it. He sucked her dry, literally. Left her financially broken, caused her to lose way too much weight way too quickly, and caused her depression. Only for her to have to take care of 3 children on her own.
Even when they were married it was trash. She was working multiple jobs while going to school while my dusty ass dad was at home doing customer service. And he couldn't even do that right cause he lost his job. Now he wonders why all of his kids have issues with him and why we want to take care of our mother 🙄
[–]OrchidLionFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
I like that it says 25. Sometimes I just don't know how to believe I have my whole life ahead. Feels like it's all downhill from 30
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice47 points48 points49 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Downhill from 30? 30 has been my best decade so far. I have a great career, I have money, I'm building a house, I've started taking better care of my health and I've learnt to not put up with shit from LVM.
30 is just the start!
[–]SnooSeagulls2175Throwaway Account28 points29 points30 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just turned 30 and literally had the best couple months of my entire life. Just moved overseas, working at my dream job, and I have a n incredible apartment. If this is downhill.. make it go faster.
[–]chainsawbobcatFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
As a 32 year old woman who is killing it, that is the lie tell tell you.
If you work hard towards financial and emotional freedom from 25-30, 30s is the best decade bc you can do all the things you were to poor or insecure to do in your 20s. Furthermore, it doesn't have to stop there. I plan on getting a doctorate in my 40s and spending a lot of time suntanning on the boat that I'm going to buy. Why not now you ask? Because currently I'm enjoying being the mother of an amazing brilliant toddler, keeping my home (where I live alone with my gorgeous bb girl) a sanctuary, getting to six figures by next year so that boat can become a reality, and enjoying my free time getting into new hobbies like biking, reigniting old hobbits like painting, and enjoying all my current hobbies like hiking and yoga.
Makes me cringe a bit bc I got with my daughters father @24 and remember feeling this pressure of needing a potential husband. We were together for seven years, 4 years living together, last 3 spent having and raising a baby, last 2 spent spiraling into resentment. I left earlier this year on amicable terms and I could not be more grateful that he was enough of a LVM to deny me marriage so the most time/money we spent on the "divorce" was who got all the parliament funkadelic records. To his credit, he didn't ever hold me back from personal growth (saved 10k, got my MBA, changed my career whole together) but he was not growing at the same pace emotionally and that's where he was holding me back. So. I. Left. 💅
[–]feast_or_famine1FDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm going to be 30 this year. I've heard from family and friends that their thirties, even their forties, were the best times/decade of their lives.
For me, my twenties have mostly been a raging dumpster fire, so I'm inclined to agree that my thirties will be nothing but moving up.
You learn a lot in your twenties. I feel like we take that knowledge and apply it to the next decade, making the ride a bit more smooth throughout the next ten years.
[–]VorpalSingularityFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is the lie that men feed to women to get them saddled while they're young and insecure. I'm 32 and my life is soooo much better than in my 20s. My mom is 53 and she says it gets better the older you get. My roommate is 47 and getting her PhD in chemistry (along with me!). Older women are stronger, smarter, and wiser, which means we generally won't put up with LV nonsense that younger women will because they've sadly been led to believe in "the wall" and our lived getting worse after 30. Don't listen!
[–]penelopekittyFDS STRATEGY COACH35 points36 points37 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good Lord girl!!
Why in the world would you think that? I'm in my 50's and I've never been happier and in better shape. It only gets better as you get older. I wouldn't be young again for anything. Get that ridiculous notion out of your head.
[–]sallybkFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And on the way down you yell Weeeee!
[–]notabell88FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Despite being married to an abusive LVM, maybe because of this, I'm so glad my mother taught my sister and I this. And even in her situation she kept her independence so that when she finally gathered the courage to kick him out, she flourished! (My father....not so much lol).
To this day she tells us and encourage us to keep up skilling, having our own group of friends outside the couple, social life, travel. That our lives should be also about us and that we should not be attached or depend on any man.
[–]killerjewelsFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I just logged in, I’m 25 just left a bad relationship, this message is for me
[–]pooperscooper3032 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m 27 and I’ve wasted so many years on depression l, anxiety, bad decisions and PTSD from an abusive relationship. It felt good to hear this, because sometimes I feel like I missed my chance and my life is over.
[–]psw252 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I am 33 now but when I was 30 I thought this is it. Had a shitty job and was soon going to be downsized had an education from a crappy school. I should just accept my life as it is, but something snapped. I worked hard and got into a top business school and at the same time I interviewed and got in to a dream company in my industry. I softmaxxed my looks with the extra money I now had and soon enough every guy I wanted was chasing me. Even the ones who turned me down before. Now I don’t feel like settling down with any guy if he is not the absolute one. With advancements in fertility you can have some control over your biology. Just remember ladies work hard and only for yourself.
[–]sulschuu2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
THIS. Especially coming from a Middle Eastern household. I'm 24 now and I've already gotten a taste of family members asking when I plan on marrying. Why waste your 20s searching for a man when you can take that time to find, build and enjoy yourself? It makes me happy to see more and more women begin to love themselves.
[–]disillusionedidealsFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish I had someone to give me this message when I was 25. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and frustration.
[–]Darkness_PureFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
It has taken me far too long to realize this! I started school this year I’ll be finished in about 4 with one degree. I have no desire to date (plus my kiddo says I can’t lol) and I just want some time to work on me. It’s so weird that guys don’t understand this. I’ve had so many just be totally confused because I’m just not interested. Yes I’m pretty, yes I’m intelligent, but hell no I’m not giving you the time of day.
[–]wolf_townPickmeisha™️1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
🤩amazing
[–]AutoModerator1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[1] - We Just Launched a Website: wwww.TheRealFemaleDatingStrategy.com. Click here for registration information. Please also join our Twitter and Instagram Pages for updates! [2] - Please read the FDS Handbook and Wiki before commenting. Repeated comments demonstrating lack of basic sub knowledge will result in a temporary or permanent ban. [3] - Please REPORT any comments that do not follow the sub rules. If you do not report it, the mods will not see it. [4] - PLEASE REMOVE ALL PERSONAL IDENTIFIABLE INFORMATION from images (Name, Location, Age, Job description, phone number, etc). Failure to remove ID info will result in a 1-2 day ban. Repeated failures will result in a permanent ban. [5] - This sub is FEMALE ONLY. All comments from men will be removed and you will be banned. DO NOT REPLY TO MALE TROLLS!! Please DOWNVOTE and REPORT immediately.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
[–]DJayne421 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wish I had understood this when I was 19.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This needs to be normalized. Thanks for sharing.
💖 LOUDER
[–]soulfoodcrushing1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Needed to read this not just today but this minute
[–]probablySNOW_gold1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Someone had to say it
[–]hope-wallaceFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish I'd seen this 20 years ago...
But I am pleased to report that I can have that attitude at 42. Post-divorce, I have furthered my education, strengthened my friendships, improved my finances (easy to do when you're not married to someone who can't/won't use a checkbook or discuss money), planned vacations to be fun not cheap, and given up people-pleasing. I may get to dating again, but if I never have a LTR again, I won't mind. So liberating!
[–]BrokenMindedMama1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I wish someone slapped me with this before I got married 😅 like literally slapped my across the face with it.
[–]012596At-Risk Pick Me Youth1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
definitely needed to hear this. I felt so wrecked when my long term relationship ended because I felt awful about having to start new at age 24.
[–]berned-outFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I'd like to mention that IN MY LIFETIME women have gained the rights to lease apartments, own homes, get a credit card, buy contraception, and be protected from marital rape, and other assorted human rights that we didn't have before. So there's a really good reason we all thought you had to have a man or panic and die trying. Because not having a good one was extra risky. And the good ones got taken fast. It's that simple. Oh, also, us older ladies are mad proud of these generations after us. Mad proud. PLEASE VOTE LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT.
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This makes a lot of sense.
[–]berned-outFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
"The most common way people give up their power, is by thinking they don't have any." ~Alice Walker
[–]areyoupunk0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I’m 24 and just got out for a 16 month relationship. It hurts thinking about the amount of time, effort and money I put into him and it was not given to me in return. It stressed me out so much, I am in antidepressants. But I have to remember I still have time. I wanted to be married by 25 but that won’t happened.
Why do you want to be married by 25? Your brain won't even be fully developed by then.
© TheRedArchive 2024. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]inlovewithaloserFDS Newbie269 points270 points271 points (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]wolf_townPickmeisha™️42 points43 points44 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HmtnswFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Apricot_IbexFDS Apprentice14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]berned-outFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]isv1234FDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hotvenom64 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]photocynthesize3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice102 points103 points104 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]scarnoir7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sagisisterThrowaway Account164 points165 points166 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CastleInTheAtticFDS Newbie190 points191 points192 points (20 children) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 196 points197 points198 points (18 children) | Copy Link
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie150 points151 points152 points (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]greatcathyFDS Newbie38 points39 points40 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 37 points38 points39 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]VorpalSingularityFDS Newbie28 points29 points30 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]MostlyToasted0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]VorpalSingularityFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aurelia_rFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AndaQueThrowaway Account7 points8 points9 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]MindeskaFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple35 points36 points37 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 15 points16 points17 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]PasdepromessesFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]preppykat3Throwaway Account4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nowayfroseFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]datfishd00dFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]nerezzamoreFDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mysthiosFDS Newbie37 points38 points39 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ThisAintMyOnlyUNFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lightbluemindThrowaway Account72 points73 points74 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]WestAtmosphereFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]beeetlebeeFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SnooSeagulls2175Throwaway Account65 points66 points67 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]lvoncreekFDS Newbie46 points47 points48 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]SnooSeagulls2175Throwaway Account18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WestAtmosphereFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]lvoncreekFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 30 points31 points32 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SeaHerSwimFDS Newbie34 points35 points36 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 10 points11 points12 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]SeaHerSwimFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]feast_or_famine1FDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SeaHerSwimFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]WestAtmosphereFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]htownbaddieFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]HoneyNJ200039 points40 points41 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SkiesEclipseFDS Apprentice38 points39 points40 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]WestAtmosphereFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (4 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]blanchecatgirlFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]blanchecatgirlFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (3 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bevstarr92FDS Newbie19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]good-day-throwawayFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ariesgalxoFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]megiromaFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ariesgalxoFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Raccoon328FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]quirkypinkllamaFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jayohday4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]washopingyoudaskFDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]washopingyoudaskFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChimeraSmithFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ChimeraSmithFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]OrchidLionFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]just_takin_the_dFDS Apprentice47 points48 points49 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]SnooSeagulls2175Throwaway Account28 points29 points30 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]chainsawbobcatFDS Newbie29 points30 points31 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]feast_or_famine1FDS Newbie16 points17 points18 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]VorpalSingularityFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]penelopekittyFDS STRATEGY COACH35 points36 points37 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sallybkFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]notabell88FDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]killerjewelsFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pooperscooper3032 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]psw252 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sulschuu2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]disillusionedidealsFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Darkness_PureFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]wolf_townPickmeisha™️1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AutoModerator1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]DJayne421 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]soulfoodcrushing1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]probablySNOW_gold1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]hope-wallaceFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BrokenMindedMama1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]012596At-Risk Pick Me Youth1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]berned-outFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]berned-outFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]areyoupunk0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]curlygirl507FDS Apprentice[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link