I've been divorced twice now, both due alcoholism that was dormant in husband #1 (never had a drinking problems the first 14 YEARS we were together, and #2 who hid his alcoholism from me the last year we were married until i found out after he damn near died from alcohol poisoning on a vacation.

Were there red flags about booze before this? I don't know. First husband's dad DIED of alcoholism when he was 50 and after we had been together for a year. 2nd husband admitted to having drank too much to cope with a stressful job but represented that once he left that job, the urge to drink went away. I also knew 2nd husband professionally and personally for 4 years before we got married.

Fact is....is that people change. Or perhaps they don't really change, but hide parts of themselves from you for long lengths of time until circumstances change which brings out their bad sides and habits.

It took me two years to leave husband #1 as we had kids together so i stupidly hung on and tried to "work it out", thereby clowning myself. Should have left with the first alcohol induced rage/meltdown.

But i learned my lesson with husband #2. I booted his ass OUT 4 days later after "d-day" after he came home drunk. Make no mistake, i still loved him with all my heart, but looking at it rationally, there was no way i could allow that in my house around myself and the kids. So out the door he went. And a good call on my part-since i kicked him out, he has been to jail, numerous rehabs, DUIs, license revoked. Last I heard he was living in his parent's basement drinking his life away in the dark. It's been 3 years now since he left.

At first glance, this may make you feel insecure in your relationship or marriage. But you CAN NEVER KNOW what lurks in heart of men. EVER. The only thing you can do is be ready to walk away when things go south and have the confidence and intestinal fortitude to do so. If you have an HVM, great, enjoy your relationship with him knowing you have the confidence and strength to leave when the dark side shows up.