Starting NC

azureangel35 · 2021-04-03T00:31:52+00:00

good for you sis!! it's never EVER something you did or could have changed hon. It's calculated. now he wants to demote you to 'friends' and keep fucking you/keep you in rotation. So you'll try even harder to convince him you're 'girlfriend material'. By pulling back, he puts you off kilter, so you focus on your 'supposed flaws' without looking at his atrocious behavior. Fuck this dude, he's trash. You're a queen-keep kicking him to the curb.

Miss_MossPDX · 2021-04-03T00:30:58+00:00

Also changing the settings on only his messages so you don't get a notification when he contacts you helps a lot of you don't want to fully block him.

Edit: aww! Leaving this comment got me my first hate message and (I assume since I didn't click past the NSFW filter) my first unsolicited graphic photo in two years!

And they're SHOCKED when they're seen for the scum they are.

Bbqchilifries · 2021-04-03T01:02:19+00:00

I kept trying today to convince myself that there was nothing I could have done to prevent my relationship from falling apart. That it wasn't my fault. That it was never because I wasn't good enough.

I didn't do any of those things. I didn't sleep with other people. I didn't take my anger out on my partner or guilt them over our depreciating sex life.

I have been feeling so depressed today. Feeling like I lost this dream future i had built up in my head. That i changed so much of myself to fit into a box and it still turned to dust. No amount of cute clothes will ever bring it back. No amount of weight lost. No amount of makeup or art drawn will turn it all back into when I felt like i had purpose.

I miss it so much. I keep finding myself wanting to attach to the first stranger who is nice to me to fill in that empty hole, but at the same time I refuse to settle. It just hurts so much. And it's still not my fault. All that hurt and pain and tears and sacrifices and all I've lost is myself entirely. My relationship was 7 years but the red flags were glaring at me at 7 months.

I'm so tired.

millennialpink2000 · 2021-04-03T00:52:11+00:00

The first 21 days of no contact are the hardest. It's like quitting an addiction, but by the 3rd week, they're so insignificant to your life.

Focus on you, the things you like. Explore new stuff, reconnect with old friends, talk to new people, do everything you can to expand your life right now. That really helps add perspective because he'll start to feel so insignificant very quickly

Good for you for starting this awesome new journey! It will ONLY GET BETTER

chunkycasper · 2021-04-03T00:52:43+00:00

I know people who have waited a decade to get to where you're at now. You're doing so well, chick ❤️❤️

You don't need that chaos in your life. You deserve someone who knows they want you in their lives and treats you like a queen because of that.

redbirdflies · 2021-04-03T01:01:31+00:00

You need to go beyond just ignoring his texts and keeping the door open and just block him everywhere if you plan on succeeding in no contact.

Ask yourself what you are getting out of this push-pull situation that benefits only him

Stop giving your time, energy and love to a black hole of nothingness and reserve that energy for yourself

To be honest, you know that he’s only keeping you on the hook to tap you for sex and ego kibbles and you deserve so much more than that

Block him sis

level_up_always · 2021-04-03T00:37:54+00:00

don't think we can link subs directly here but just remove the spaces the r /exnocontact also the no contact rule by natalie lue kind of boring and repetitive but gets to the point, additionally 'getting past your breakup' by susan j elliot has a whole chapter on nc and the rest of the book is great too overall better than natalie lues book if you're looking for something more comprehensive on breakups she also has vids up on youtube https://www.youtube.com/c/GettingPastYourPast/search?query=no%20contact and other vids that may help you too since it sounds like you were dealing with a narc w/the love bombing she's a lawyer and therapist who talks about these issues

Watzoo · 2021-04-03T04:12:04+00:00

Good for you! And really, you’re just taking him at his word. He said he wants alone time, and you -while sad to hear it- are honoring his request. It’s quite polished and considerate of you to do so.

The upside is that it frees your time for men who wont be uncertain about how much they want to be with you. That’s none of the ex’s business, but it is a lovely perk that should be helpful in getting over him.

Well-done and congratulations on all the awesomeness that your future holds!

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-04-03T07:57:19+00:00

Please block him. I know you’re hurting and that it would feel so good as a result to see messages from him asking ‘what’s wrong?’ (even though he knows) and ‘Whatever I did I’m so sorry’ (he’s not) ‘I miss you so much’ (he doesn’t, he just misses access to you). If you don’t block him, you increase your risk of breaking NC and running back to him. Don’t just close the door, lock it and never look back.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-04-03T14:36:24+00:00

sit back relax and watch him unravel. Do not break NC. But you will see a new side to him so be prepared. A lesser talked about tactic of "hoovering" ( hoovering being basically love bomb round 2) is the Cryptic message. Be on alert for this, because you might break NC out of sheer curiosity. Dont fall for it examples: one word messages, a message that looks like it was meant for someone else, maybe just a picture or a link without any words, Basically its like the click bate of text messages, like, "i never got to tell you/show you/ take you xyz" or "i had an idea/ project for us i never got to tell you" hopefully you get the idea. keep a look out for it

BWKitteh · 2021-04-03T12:11:07+00:00

He texts you because he wants to remain in contact in case you want sex later. Been there, done that, didn't need the t-shirt to remind me. Blocking is hard but you will feel so much better because you are getting rid of someone that is only pretending to like you to get sex.

ShieldMaidenLagertha · 2021-04-03T15:01:11+00:00

Tips for success:

block on everything ( one Narc contacted me on a barely used LinkedIn account and made a new FB page to message me)
journal. Write down all the shitty things he has done and allow yourself one moment in the day to write down your feelings about the relationship.
other than your journal time, don’t think about him. Stop yourself and do an activity. It’s a great time to learn a new hobby. Stay active and occupied.
if you’re on Twitter. Choose the most gorgeous celebrity you can think of and set it up to receive phone notifications of their tweets. This little trick will fill the dopamine void from no longer getting text messages from the ex.

nom-de-plume_12 · 2021-04-06T11:46:31+00:00

This reminds of the time when ex asked to take a break because we were having a lot of arguments and the workload on him and keeping the relationship going was too much work for him. Sheepishly I obliged, scared to the bones from the thoughts of losing him. Three days in my anxiety got the best of me and I hit up his best friend to ask what his plans regarding us are🤡 and he said that he thinks that we aren’t going to be back together. I was distraught and so pissed I blocked his best friend and him because at that point I realized how tumultuous this relationship was and how it was affecting me mentally. Fast forward on the same way ex reached out to talk, and I say in a most matter-of-fact voice “yes, I agree this relationship is toxic we should part ways”. As soon as I uttered those words that guy literally flipped and suddenly wanted both of us to work it out. He suggested we go to a hotel and talk it out and I agreed 🤡. You guessed how that went, we fucked, and we spoke about stuff. I thought we were fine but the dude started slow fade the coming week, his communication got weaker(he credited that to immense workload that week) yet he had the time to text weak ass things but never call for only few mins knowing how much I hate texting. My anxiety again got the best of me cue the argument and voila he uttered that” I don’t want this relationship anymore”with a sigh. He made me seem like a burden and I never really asked for much and my friend who also calls me out for my bs can also testify to that.In a way she follows alot of fds principles without even knwing such things exists.She pointed out while you guys were together, he never treated you more than a fuck buddy.

Title	Starting NC
Author	Big-Paleontologist13
Upvotes	125
Comments	22
Date	April 2, 2021 11:09 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/miw3cc/starting_nc/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/starting-nc.765515 https://theredarchive.com/post/765515

Comments