Will I ever have an orgasm with a man?

Soulsalts · 2020-04-19T15:23:28+00:00

I had to sleep with eleven different men, over a period of seventeen years, before I got an orgasm from a man. During all of those years, I felt disappointed, cheated, disgusted, and resentful. I knew it wasn't me, because I can easily and quickly give myself dozens of orgasms.

Men are super duper disappointing. That's the issue.

You can find loads of articles, essays, reddit posts and comments, where men say "oh, pleasing a woman is our very favorite thing to do, there is nothing we would rather do, just point the way." But I'm guessing you've noticed that that's bullshit.

If it were their favorite thing to do, they would devote themselves to learning to do it, and then do it. If they just needed us to point the way, then they would actually listen to us in bed.

The fact of the matter is that the huge majority of men just don't care enough.

When I finally found the man who gave me orgasms, I had more or less given up. But I felt really good (like floating-on-clouds good) in his presence, so I thought, what the hell, maybe it'll feel nice even though I won't come.

Imagine my surprise when he refused to do PIV for nearly a month, and just hunkered down to give me multiple orgasms with his mouth and hands everytime we hung out!

When I tried to tell him how surprised I was, he didn't get it at all. He was like "Your previous partners didn't give you orgasms? Then what did they do?"

I don't really have any advice for you. The woman who has the most sexual experience out of everyone I know told me that only one in twenty men are any use in bed. I believe it.

An astounding fact of male psychology is that every single man believes he is that one in twenty. Dudes, that's not how numbers work!

If you talk to them about this issue, they will sit there with a smug face and zero self-reflection, and as soon as you finish talking they will assure you that they don't have that problem, and that, actually, the problem must be you.

And then they wonder why it's such an uphill struggle to get women to have sex with them!

radical__daphne · 2020-04-19T15:24:33+00:00

Ignore the dude whose comment I erased who told you to cOmmUnIcAtE. You won't have to communicate your humanity to a man who cares about you. He'll work to please you, he'll watch your reactions and tailor his movements to what you enjoy and to listen if you do tell him what you want, and he'll ask. This isn't supposed to be difficult. It's not when the person wants genuinely to learn what desire. A high value man who cares about you will NOT leave you without an orgasm. Period. He will do whatever it takes to make you cum.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-04-19T16:34:23+00:00

I learned that I had to play out fantasies in my head in order to cum with most men. If I was in a relationship, they weren't completely selfish in bed, and I loved them, I didn't have to fantasize as much. Anytime a man has made me cum orally, I had to disappear into my own fantasies mentally, like he wasn't even there. I think it has happened twice. But give me a vibrator and it takes me under a minute and that's clitoral or internal. I can have both.

ErikaNaumann · 2020-04-19T19:30:47+00:00

I'm in my 30s. I have had exactly TWO orgasm with men. TWO. I communicate plenty, and I am very active during sex.

I bought myself a bunny dildo vibrator, and and I can cum on average in 1min and 30 seconds.

I can't help but laugh when people ask if as a single woman I don't have sexual needs. Yeah I do, but I fix them myself.

brainsandb00bs · 2020-04-19T15:58:45+00:00

Every man I’ve been with has been overall a sexual disappointment. I’ve orgasmed before and had good times but it’s because I know what I want and direct them beforehand. Some guys are good at following directions so I’ll orgasm but they struggle with getting or maintaining an erection for long enough, or the after care is nonexistent. When guys try to act cool and nonchalant after sex I love to remind them that we both know they can’t keep it hard so they’re gonna have to change their tone and lower their voice. Funny thing is every man thinks he is good in bed when they aren’t.

__kamikaze__ · 2020-04-19T20:54:15+00:00

These comments make me sad. The majority don’t gain much from sex yet we’re expected to put so much effort into it (grooming, birth control, risk of pregnancy etc). It’s just not worth it.

rinabean · 2020-04-19T22:41:16+00:00

You're not an anomaly - most men are just shoddy lovers. And it's because they don't care, not anything else - there's nothing physically wrong with them, either.

It's totally possible you can find one who is good in bed though. Because it's about how willing they are to please you in general, I think FDS is going to be a great tool for it.

idiosyncraticg1 · 2020-04-19T19:16:41+00:00

If you use vibrators on your own, have no shame of bringing one into the bedroom

Deadgirl1888 · 2020-04-19T19:22:13+00:00

Being on top is the only way I can. Being on top also helps a lot of my sexual ptsd issues. Sometimes I can orgasm 2 to 3 times on top its crazy.

missamourcali · 2020-04-19T14:55:09+00:00

Yes?

That's half being an optimist and half probability, sorry things haven't worked out yet

Angrboda229 · 2020-04-20T03:21:51+00:00

I feel the exact same. I'm about to turn 21 and have already decided I'm celibate from men. I will not have sex until he proves himself and even then I'm not going to get attached. My mom always told me a man has to love you more than you love him for it to last.

I just can't do non emotional sex it's so awkward and uncomfortable to know they don't even care about you only if they orgasm.

greatcathy · 2020-04-21T14:49:56+00:00

I have a personal theory about how to fix this. Get your man to slow doooown - around 1/20 of what society thinks is normal. Start by hardly moving at all. Really feel each other. It's amazing. My theory is that's what women need, especially in the beginning, and no-one knows and it's one of the world's biggest tragedies. I happened to sleep with a lot of virgins early on and I always trained them up that this is how sex works and since then I never had any problems getting off. Of course, the guy has to be able to keep it up.

TravelingSula · 2020-04-19T18:54:33+00:00

There isn't a yes or no answer ... In my experience it takes time and a little bit of luck...

Latins and Latinos are all about going down I don't know if they are mostly good or mostly bad because I don't find in that practice any pleasure but I guess they try (?) ...

Anyways, as a woman who doesn't find that satisfying and knowing that men are not great lovers either, you can imagine how difficult it was for me to really enjoy myself when engaging in sexual activities... For years I was sure something was wrong about me until I found a man who was an expert in delivering, this whole new world was so amazing to the point I had a LTR with him mainly based on sex... (Btw, be careful when you find a man who knows what he's doing, don't let bed chemistry to cloud your mind).

Long story short, with him I learned the ABC of myself with a partner and I can teach them. You might be asking: "but why should I teach them?" And you are totally right, if they care they should know.

So, what I do is, the first two times we are together I watch what are they doing, how much interest and effort they put on me, If I can feel they are trying hard, if I can feel they are putting everything they know to pleasure me, if they rather not finish at all before leaving me unsatisfied. (Normally, when you already know what you like with a partner, a man who's really trying will deliver at least a "meh...orgasm". Is only after these "meh", "plain" "good" or "great" orgasms that I teach them how to drive me crazy happy.

One last thing, I don't give more than two opportunities because the first times is when they should try to be as spectacular as a peacock, they must show you they are the best option in every aspect ... Truth is, It should only be one opportunity but I don't like one night stands.

123heatherfeather · 2020-04-19T19:08:12+00:00

You need a guy who likes eating pussy, that will do the trick.

If you need a lot of outside stimulation (like most women) you can rub yourself during PIV.

It's basically about knowing which areas need stimulating to get you of, and getting the guy to do that for you.

You'll be fine, I promise.

Title	Will I ever have an orgasm with a man?
Author	123heatherfeather
Upvotes	76
Comments	25
Date	April 19, 2020 10:15 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/g45dnh/will_i_ever_have_an_orgasm_with_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/will-i-ever-have-an-orgasm-with-a-man.678038 https://theredarchive.com/post/678038

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