I'm not sure it's the right place to talk about it, but it's definitely a men's issue, and I don't know a better place to discuss it, though it's very personal, and probably (but not definitely) my reaction is not adequate.

In my previous post, I suggested there might be something wrong about the feminist concept of objectification, and many agreed. I hope this post won't look like I'm repeating myself, because here I would like to explain in more detail why I have such a big problem with the ideas of objectification and sexualization.

Reading about such things has a very depressing effect on me.

Today I had another attack of this feeling when I read these two articles:

  1. https://www.unicefusa.org/stories/not-object-sexualization-and-exploitation-women-and-girls-0
  2. https://www.apa.org/pi/women/programs/girls/report

When I was reading them, I felt like I didn't want to live.

I have no moral right to have anything with women. I'd better not even approach them because I'm dangerous to them. My sexuality is harmful to women. Seems like there's something problematic about being attracted to women in erotic photos, sexualized images in media and advertisement. These articles show that such images make women suffer. It affects their self-esteem and can lead to mental disorders such as anorexia and depression. Anorexia is a very dangerous illness – women starve themselves to be thin. Anorexia is an illness with the highest mortality rate among mental disorders. I don't want to contribute to girls' suffering. If I like erotic and sexualized images of women in advertising, on television, or on erotic websites, then I contribute to their suffering, when they starve themselves, often literally to death. I don't want to take part in this. Also, sexualized images of women are connected to violence. I don't want to contribute to violence against women.

Also, if I like sexualized images of women, then there's probably something harmful or at least problematic about my sexuality as such. Seems like the fact that appearance matters to me for a woman's sexual attractiveness is in itself problematic. Or at least there's something problematic about the fact I can feel attracted to women I don't know. Seems like that's what they call objectification. My sexuality is morally wrong in itself. One of those articles mentions the idea of healthy sexuality. Maybe If a man doesn't feel attracted to erotic or sexualized images of women and is only attracted to women he knows personally, then, probably, his sexuality is healthy, and he has a moral right to have relationships with women. And I have no right to have relationships with women because my perception of women is already problematic. I'd better not approach women so as not to harm them.

That's how I feel when I read articles like that. I don't want to harm women, but I can't make myself stop feeling attracted to their looks. Seems like a hopeless situation.

Those articles wouldn't bother me so much if they were from a feminist community. But they are from reputable organizations – UNICEF and the American Psychological Association. So maybe they are right and there is really something wrong with me, there's really something harmful about my sexuality as such.

One feminist woman told me she thinks that because I feel sexually attracted to women on the street whom I don't know, it means I'm a potential rapist. She also told me she only feels sexually attracted to people she has spent some time with. As I understand, she thinks it's how things should be, it's a natural and normal order of things, unlike being attracted to someone's looks, though you don't know them. She said she feels uncomfortable around people like me because she thinks people like me are dangerous (we didn't meet in person, only a short online conversation). As I understand, the feminist concept of rape culture states that objectification of women is one of the things that contribute to rape. Seems like being attracted to a woman's looks is something that contributes to rape.

The concepts of objectification and sexualization seem to me like condemnation of my sexuality as such. The message of these concepts as I see it: you are harmful to women. They literally bring me pain.

Probably there's something I don't understand.

Is it really wrong and harmful to feel attracted to sexualized images of women? Is it wrong and harmful to feel attracted to women on the street whom I don't know personally? Is it not OK if looks matter? Seems like feminists think it's a habit imposed on men by patriarchy. They don't think it's natural. I don't claim they are wrong, though it's one of the versions.

Also, I would like to know if there are other men who see these concepts the way I do. Or am I overreacting or missing something?

To be fair, I must say the first article doesn't present any evidence for a connection between sexualized images and violence against women, while the second article was criticized by a feminist author: https://www.academia.edu/15864430/_Bad_Girls_Rule_An_Interdisciplinary_Feminist_Commentary_on_the_Report_of_the_APA_Task_Force_on_the_Sexualization_of_Girls

Thank you in advance for your replies.

I apologize for my possible mistakes — English is not my native language, and I live in a non-English-speaking country.