Why does therapy so often suck for men? | Chris Williamson

Educational_Mud_9062 · 2024-06-19T00:10:12+00:00

I think one of the reasons therapy may be less effective for men would also make coaching or any approach meant to "focus on improving the level of agency a man feels" potentially of limited benefit. And that's the differences between how social reality treats men and women. I've talked about this before, and so rather than go over it all again, I'm just going to link a comment I wrote in a discussion a while ago using body image issues in men versus women as an example:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/4EafwvMbSA

Suffice it to say, I think there are many cases where a woman's self perception is what's holding her back in some way and therapy that helps her challenge that can lead to positive results. While that can be true for men, I think there are many cases where their self perception is a reflection of reality and so attempting to change it can feel at best like ineffectual gaslighting and at worst make them worse by convincing them that the social reception they receive is all their fault for not trying hard enough or "doing The Work" properly.

Skaared · 2024-06-19T01:15:31+00:00

I’ve been saying this for a long time.

Reddit loves to tout therapy as a solution for all of men’s issues but refuses to recognize that therapy, as it is today, is not designed for men.

FlaccidInevitability · 2024-06-19T03:25:02+00:00

My GF had a therapist keep telling her to take "a break" from me to "heal as woman" even though she never said a single negative thing about me.

Crazy the lack of accountability in that field.

AbysmalDescent · 2024-06-19T03:30:27+00:00

Not only is the entire academic/professional practice of therapy heavily biased against men, but the entire culture of mental health is heavily biased men as well. Most people aren't even willing to openly recognize how there might be issues in society and culture, or even just the way women treat men, that have negative impacts on men. Most people can't even recognize how the problems men face, as individuals or at a systematic level, aren't actually being solved or recognized, or how much men are effectively being silenced from discussing these issues in the first place by society/women or culture(the left just blames everything on "patriarchy" and the right will just tell men to suck it up because other men are doing okay).

2024-06-19T02:36:19+00:00

Looking at the predominant ideological movements that are pushing therapeutic approaches is a good place to start when evaluating why men struggle with formal therapy. A disproportionate amount of therapists and counselors are social workers, or hold social work degrees. Social work programs typically focus heavily on third wave feminist philosophy, in which men are seen as willing participants of the patriarchy, whether they admit that privilege or not. This creates subconscious biases toward male clients.

Hatethehater33 · 2024-06-19T02:29:07+00:00

Therapy gave me ptsd and made my mental health worse off, biggest mistake I’ve made tbh

FlatlandPossum · 2024-06-19T07:03:46+00:00

I don't want to be that person, but sometimes it is because the therapist is a woman.

I've had a therapist, a woman, who was wonderful. I've also had one who literally kind of had it out for me, partly because of being a man, which was evident.

Honestly if you can...trying to find that loving, calm fatherly figure is your best bet, if you can find it. Or someone chill, maybe spiritual but not necessarily religious.

Because men can be kind of cold, shitty, and judgemental too.

I personally wouldn't stick with one therapist. I'd keep looking around and not feel bad about it. You could go through six crappy ones before finding a really good one. And then, you wanna keep that one. And not break the partnership.

SchalaZeal01 · 2024-06-18T22:54:52+00:00

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Impossible-Garlic-12 · 2024-06-19T11:29:33+00:00

My ex girlfriend was an LCSW and is the last person on earth who should be giving anyone therapy. She cheated on me with her ex-f*ck buddy and used dating apps the whole time we were dating. Tried to gaslight me with her therapist woo into believing I was the problem and accused me of trying to control her and keep her on a "short leash" (because I wasn't ok with the cheating)

On top of that she takes anti psychotics and mood stabilizers for "anxiety", but has schizophrenia and won't admit it. Didn't tell me about it until over a year into the relationship because she said she was afraid I was going to put poison in her meds. Totally paranoid and insane.

Therapy can be extremely helpful if you find one who's good. I've therapist-shopped around and only found one decent one and unfortunately she retired. There's basically no vetting of these people and most of them are more damaged the patients. Anyone can become a therapist if they fulfill the education requirements (which unless they're a psychologist or psychiatrist aren't very rigorous), complete the internship hours, and pass the exams. There's a lot of dangerous and sick people out there.

YallGotAnyBeanz · 2024-06-19T13:26:48+00:00

The first one I ever got blew me off twice and I never met her. The second one would show up late and try to end sessions a few minutes early.

leroy2007 · 2024-06-19T21:31:13+00:00

A big factor is accessibility. Therapy runs on banking hours which means you have to take time off of work to go, which means loss of income. Men are more likely to work the blue collar jobs that are more difficult to get time off regularly to go to therapy.

ONETEEHENNY · 2024-06-19T15:13:17+00:00

Therapy is a silent admittance that the fault is in the individual: the belief that struggling young black men "need therapy" is a perspective that it's not the system that's to blame but rather the "black culture" that brews in the mind of youngsters is a good example of the bootstrap mentality that shifts the blame away from any systemic structures.

For this, I don't believe therapy is the solution in the vast majority of cases, and this is speaking far beyond just the problems of men.

flaumo · 2024-06-19T07:18:13+00:00

I saw this video a few months ago and have to agree.

Ten years ago I had a female therapist, she was not exactly bad, but she focused a lot on giving me compassion, telling me that what happened is terrible, talking about feelings. I might have needed this emotional validation and stabilization in the very beginning, but it quickly went nowhere.

I then met my current male therapist in a group setting with my initial therapist and switched sides. One of the best decisions in my life. He is calm, structured and goal oriented. He even is strict with the goals and commitments I have developed with him and reminds me of them. It is very practical, no nonsense and goal oriented, while still grounded in science.

The progress I have achieved with his help is tremendous. Not only did I get my Depression, PTSD, Psychosis, Personality and Addiction in control, I also achieved a lot professionally. The change is so massive, that I can barely relate to my former self from 15 years ago. It is seriously „how could I be this way, who is this guy“.

MannerNo7000 · 2024-06-19T00:38:45+00:00

Because men need action instead of talk.

Talking and venting is good. But applying behavioural changes are better for men.

(As someone who sees a Psych)

throwawayincelacc · 2024-06-20T13:55:14+00:00

Iirc a big part of depression for men is their mental state is often regarding the current state of affairs they find themselves in. I’m not talking about the minority where it’s about someone being bullied and they need to unwind with a professional (still important, just not the same thing), I’m talking about those that are depressed because they can’t feed their family / pay rent / find success despite putting in endless hours. These types of scenarios are not things that can generally be solved by talking to a therapist.

Meanwhile the social support for women, and paths for financial aid, are much higher. There’s very little chance they’ll ever be stuck in a situation where they can’t get their base needs met as long as they put in a modicum of effort. This leads a lot of the therapy being based things that women actively implicate themselves in, such as drama with friends / at work, feelings of inadequacy / imposter syndrome, etc. These are problems that can actively be worked through by talking and shifting mindset.

icantmeme26 · 2025-11-28T04:38:23+00:00

Personally I feel like as a man the best conversations happen when I’m doing something. Like if I’m fishing with my buddies we’ll have super deep conversations about whatever but then if I’m in a therapy session just sitting there it doesn’t happen. Like maybe if i could have therapy while I’m fishing or grilling or something it’d be different but there’s just something about just sitting and talking that makes me not want to talk about those things.

Title	Why does therapy so often suck for men? \| Chris Williamson
Author	SentientRock209
Upvotes	117
Comments	47
Date	June 18, 2024 10:54 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/1dj40c5/why_does_therapy_so_often_suck_for_men_chris/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/why-does-therapy-so-often-suck-for-men-chris.1521987 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521987

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