Balancing Religion with MRP

[deleted] · 2015-04-17T10:39:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

theultmatecad · 2015-04-17T10:42:09+00:00

You have made a major change. You no longer have faith. That's ok, as you said it makes you happy.

If you really feel this way then do it 100 percent. Talk to family about how you feel now. Tell them decisively what you will and won't be doing. They need to see you committed to it to believe it. Otherwise they will ask you to participate in every ritual as sometimes you do it and maybe you will come around later.

Be a man who has had a change of heart. Not a boy who doesn't want to go to mosquito this morning because he his tired

TrainingTheBrain · 2015-04-17T12:51:12+00:00

There doesn't need to be this over-analysis of a situation.

You do not believe in the religion, so why take part in their practices?

There's nothing more to it, don't pretend to be something you're not - we have enough people like that and do not need any more.

You know how you see people lie, cheat, and steal then go to church on Sunday? You'll be one of those, a fence sitter who plays for both teams.

Confidently tell your wife and family of your decision and face the consequences.

I think it's better to be hated for truth than loved for a lie. Do not avoid the conflict or be ashamed of who you are. You can explain it to your kids as well (not sure of the ages).

I have a 2 and 5 year old and when the questions are asked I answer honestly. I explained why people believe in certain gods and why I don't and why we don't go to church like their friends do. I'm usually met with an, 'Oh OK. Do you want to go outside and play baseball?' I say sure, then it's solved.

We are who we are and we need to stop trying to conform to who we think others want us to be.

Sepean · 2015-04-17T08:48:02+00:00

Think what you will, but act like other people.

I'm anti-democratic - I don't care that I get to vote, it is still just a bunch of guys with guns threatening me to pay them and do as they say, so fuck them. In a just world I'd have the right to self defense against these extortionists.

But talking about that in "civilized" company, that's just asking for trouble because everyone loves democracy so much. No good will come of it, people get so riled up.

I you don't want to cause further upheaval, dont. Do the fast, or at least appear to fast.

Or work it into your diet plan. I just starten on LeanGains, where I fast 16 hours a day. Use it to improve, drop a few % of body fat.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-04-17T14:53:22+00:00

Well I think you should convert to Christianity and save yourself but...given your religious background I also think the man should participate in the family and religious rituals of your culture. There is nothing wrong with fasting or praying for that matter.

As the Captain you should be leading and you are certainly not leading if you are not even participating.

NeedHelpBeta · 2015-04-18T12:22:08+00:00

It's like at one point you had drive, purpose and goal. Now you don't you have lost that drive.

Your wife sees it.

Chuckwagon1645 · 2015-04-17T10:21:16+00:00

From what I could tell, I think coming out as no longer a member of a faith your spouse is a part of will make them see you as weak or weird. It happened with me and my wife. As soon as I mentioned I didn't care to be a Christian anymore, the bullshit began.

Countpudyoola · 2015-04-17T13:53:00+00:00

Hmm. I think this is broader in scope than just the relationship angle.

You're on a personal journey. You have to decide how important it is to do or not do certain things. REALLY depends on the rest of your relationships and how far down the rabbit hole you want to go.

Technically anyone out here can say: I'm going to be the man I want to, shave their head, dump their family and move to a Buddhist Monastery. If that's one's calling I'd say go for it in the least destructive way possible. But then there's just those that are like...eh yeah, this 2000 year old way of looking at the world doesn't really jive, so I'm not going to let it control how I think. YET. For family and cultural reasons still go through the rituals. Some of those rituals are designed in ways to maintain family ties. I see no problem with that.

It's pretty easy to say when my choice is going to Christmas dinner or to a church to watch a wedding. I don't have to fast for a day. But hey, there's lots of people that say it's good for you. And like the others said. Just sneak food and drink when you can.

UEMcGill · 2015-04-17T15:19:48+00:00

First one point, Redpill is amoral. Whether utlra religious or an atheist, it fits in the confines of both, because it is neither.

Second, if you are an integrated male, who is leading his life, you give freely because you chose to. In other words do not be a caretaker, but instead be a caregiver. Whether you fast for Ramadan or not isn't the point. If you can do it freely, because its a gift you can give then by all means do it (caregiving). If you do it, because it will keep the peace, then you are being a caretaker, and this is wrong. It's akin to a covert contract. "If I do this, you will shut up and leave me alone".

No my friend, we do things that suit our purpose. If the women in our lives, and family that goes along with it, don't like it, that's their problem. Let them deal with their feelings. Remember, you are the prize! It's you who allows them to be around you, not the other way around. If they don't want to play by the rules, they can be removed easily. If you're in the US, the courts are somewhat favorable to you from a custody standpoint. So think in abundance. Not what's to loose, but what is to gain.

As-salamu alaykum

Dot807 · 2015-04-17T15:20:41+00:00

My random thoughts based on your heading and content. Going with the usual captain analogy here in MRP, I would compare this to a ship's captain of a U.S. Naval vessel switching faith to Russia or China. That's such a major change that I don't think your crew will follow, no matter how RP you are. Given that, I would be miserable living a constant lie about being a member of a religion, if I no longer wanted to be a part of it. That misery would probably begin a downward spiral with other parts of my life. However, I imagine where you live may carry a lot of weight here. I would rather pretend to be a faithful Muslim if I lived in a country full of Islamic fundamentalists, than to be outwardly uninterested in the religion. I would imagine things would take a great turn for the worst if I was outwardly against the religion. Also, I think balancing religion and MRP only relates to the captain and crew analogy here. The rest of it is more of an individual survival issue. Good luck with this one.

pcadrian · 2015-04-17T15:28:30+00:00

Well, if you want to lose BF, Ramadaan is an extreme version of intermittent fasting. If not, do what theultimatecad said.

CaptainWasHere · 2015-04-17T18:21:11+00:00

Holly crap... lots of debate and good advice here.

IMHO - Talk with your wife about your new stance on faith. Tell you are 99% certain of your new path but you are not expecting the family to follow you, just respect you. Address that you know it's a darn big change for her and your kids given the society. Pre-compromise that you will pretend to fast with the rest of the family coming up. Tell her you're doing it for her, the kids and your mom b/c you want them to participate fully in what they believe and not to be distracted. Warn her that it's for show while you spend one more year finalizing your new belief structure and then you will not pretend any more. Finish with a statement that none of your belief is up for debate or discussion and that you expect her support no matter what, as you will continue to offer yours.

You get to do mostly what you want. You tell your wife the new rules. You play the game, which is still manly as you do guide the family. She understands what's going on and appreciates you looking at it from all angles.

henkie5555 · 2015-04-22T18:29:57+00:00

Your community might ostracize you for leaving Islam, I've heard bad stories about orthodox muslims turning Atheïst. It is your own call, really.

The law of power quote in Sepean's comment is also very true. I feel many commenters in this thread are comitting a fallacy (mind projection fallacy) here. Religion is not that big if a deal to them, but (I think) it is huge in your culture. Think carefully before you make your choice.

You should be able to skip the fast unnoticed.

[deleted] · 2015-05-13T04:47:29+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TheGreasyPole · 2015-04-17T06:56:45+00:00

My advice is to think about your objective, your mission, and decide if any action will further your goal.

We all have to do things we would not otherwise want to do in order to achieve our objectives. The important thing is the end, not the means.

Take me... I do things at work all the time I would not choose to do myself, but I am trying to reach a goal. If that means saying "Yes Boss, I'm on it" even when I think the task is a waste of my time... You Bet I'm saying "Yes, Boss" because I need him to help achieve my work objectives.

Being an apostate Muslim puts you in a very precarious position in your marriage, which you appear to like. Why would you "annul" something that works for you ?

Similarly, you know that if word of apostasy gets out you'll lose friends, family, opportunities and ... Depending on the religious pond you swam in.. You could even be in physical danger

Does this help you achieve your mission ?

If that mission is to lead a good life with wifey ? Probably not IMO, but you decide.

If your mission is to come out, stop living a lie, damn the torpedoes ... And, hell, maybe an annulment is a good course for me ? It might be.

Assess in light of your goal. Don't do anything to injure those goals. Suck it up if you have to... Everyone has to do that sometimes.

In your position I wouldn't feel at all bad about keeping the fast at home and then having a bacon sandwich at work because "fuck 'em, that's why". You decide what's right for your goals.

Master2u · 2015-04-17T06:01:01+00:00

It is hard to imagine you without a suicide vest on and fucking a goat. But I guess most of that is the crap that we are dealing with lately. If religion was a big part of your family life before I think it would be shocking to just drop it now. I think that keeping up appearance while you are still working on your coming out would really help to keep the family stable.

[deleted] · 2015-04-17T11:50:26+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ProjectShamrock · 2015-04-17T11:54:55+00:00

I know they get crapped on by the rest of reddit, but I'd suggest posting this on /r/atheism because there are others there who have gone through what you are going through, and can probably offer some specific advise.

Just at a high level, what you're going through is very normal these days. We're at a point in history where we have access to a lot more information than anyone else ever has. Those who choose to believe in things that aren't true or don't work either have no will to be informed or are intentionally deluded. I'm not saying all religious people are delusional, but the way you've described the strictness of your former faith makes it sound like you were potentially along those lines. That was simply unsustainable.

The tricky thing is that you aren't from a traditional western culture where you are as free to make massive changes like this. Once you openly declare your lack of faith, you risk losing your friends, family, and more. So consult with others who have had to do it before to ensure you can make a smooth transition without creating problems for yourself.

Title	Balancing Religion with MRP
Author	ZeeyardSA
Upvotes	6
Comments	83
Date	April 17, 2015 5:40 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/32w7kl/balancing_religion_with_mrp/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/balancing-religion-with-mrp.202122 https://theredarchive.com/post/202122

Comments