This wedding was highly anticipated, with about 125 guests in a nice suburban outdoor venue. My wife, who is part of the bridal party bought two green dresses and expressed her desire match colors with me by asking if I had anything green and “wedding casual” to wear, since it’s outdoors. I STFU about it for weeks.

Wedding day eventually came around. Bridal party was scheduled to arrive at 12:30 for photos; however, guests were not scheduled to arrive until 4:30, for a 5:30 wedding. My wife wanted me to be there around 3 pm… in something green.

Like any desirable husband, I arrived a little bit after 4:30, in something that is not green. I also dressed one level higher than what most men wore because I’m a cave man. I don’t know what “Wedding Casual” means. I entered the venue and navigated through a couple of, “Oh! You look nice…” from some female acquaintances, which were followed by, “your wife is over there.” The only response I gave was a smile and a “Thank you.”

I eventually found my wife chatting with a girlfriend while holding a glass of Prosecco.

Me: What’s up girl?!

Wife: Where have you been? Blah Blah Blah… (Shit Test)

Me: Damn girl! I love it when you talk to me like that. Bully me some more so I can cum. As I take her drink from her hand, grab her ass, and pull her in for a kiss. (Shit Test Dissolved)

As the evening progressed, the “You look nice” compliments from women didn’t stop. I alternated between “Thank you” and “I figured I’d shower for a wedding.” There were also two single girls who kept doing a fly-by and making small talk with me about a joke that they heard me say to someone else. I was having quite the fun. Everything was happening in front of my wife.

I eventually isolated myself to light a cigar I brought with me. I didn’t want the smoke to bother people. While doing so, an older woman gravitated and sparked up a conversation after smelling the cigar. Another woman followed to say how much she loves the smell of cigars. Soon after, I found myself in the middle of a huddle of guys and girls, while telling a wild fucking story. My little audience was hooked, but I saw my wife had drifted away.

I cut the story short and approached my wife again with some flirty funny shit I say. Not long after, she grabbed me by my wrist and told me “I wanna suck your dick. Come!” I laughed as she went door to door, looking for a place to do it until she found a bathroom. I just stood and pulled me penis out through the zipper but she said, “Undo your belt. This is gonna be messy.” She didn’t lie. She quite literally blew my brains out. Therefore, I complimented her by telling her I appreciate her wearing bright red lipstick that didn’t transfer on my dick. “Good girl.”

I know I said I laughed. I didn’t laugh because I was about to get a blowjob. I laughed because I knew it was going to happen at the first, “You look nice.” I also knew her shit test at the sight of me was for her security. I was laughing at the matrix.

After the BJ, we went back outside to socialize. I found it quite amusing to see two drops of dried jizz on my wife’s cleavage. We didn’t stay long after. We left and fucked again after we got home.

I hope you saw that this is not a wedding story or a blowjob story. This story is about frame. It’s about dread. It’s about passing shit tests. It’s about social status. It’s about preselection. It’s about game. It’s about being attractive.

I’ll close with this… I had a somber moment after I saw how happy the groom was. It was somber because I knew that on the very next day, there will be no DJ, no cake, no party, balloons, friends, etc. He’s going to be alone, asking himself what the fuck happened and how his life turned to shit.