Last night my wife gave me a gift (new $90 gym bag) and I suspect it's because of the dread she's feeling (lifting like crazy, getting defined, making new friends, taking dancing lessons, going out on weekends) as well as because of the improvements I've made in our relationship. Later on we got to taking about the future, kids, etc. This was a genial talk, nothing hostile about it.

While we were talking she said:

"you know what you need when we buy a house? a man cave. Somewhere for you to have a nice TV for your video games, a punching bag, your computer."

Wow! I thought. That's an awesome idea. I can't believe she loves me so much as to let me have a man cave like that.

This morning, that conversation didn't sit well with me. I've been ruminating over it for a while and realized...wtf! I'm going to bust my ass and go out on a limb to get money for us to buy a house. I'm going to pay for the child's expenses. And I'm getting relegated to one room in my fucking house?

Again, AWALT and I by no means think that my wife was consciously thinking this. But it's part of the BP imperative that has been programmed into so many of us. The woman owns the house and makes house decisions, you're a beta and provider. You should feel lucky to have a man cave, some men don't even get that.

Men, own your homes literally and figuratively. Run the show and decide what goes on where. In reality, I will likely limit my space to a man cave but if I decide to expand that will be my imperative, not hers. I respect her and expect us to come together to make decisions, but at the end of the day I will lead us, not her.