Relationships Counselling

C0CKPUNCHER · 2012-12-16T11:33:23+00:00

She should be asking you not telling you.

PartTimeBadman · 2012-12-16T12:34:45+00:00

I'll be sure to tell all the women I sleep with that their sexual fulfillment is irrelevant- that's me being honest AND providing conversation. What a man I am.

SKapper · 2012-12-16T11:31:56+00:00

What the ??!!

So a man doesn't need "honesty and openness" and a woman doesn't need "sexual fulfilment"?

"In order of importance"? I am sure it's great to have a sheet of paper tell you what your greatest needs are.

Damn!

altxatu · 2012-12-16T16:16:07+00:00

My ex wife and I went through counseling 8 times over 27 years. 5 were man haters, 2 were incompetent, and one refused to allow gender to define the roles we were expected to fulfill. My ex would start her usual crying, blaming and ranting, and the counselor would simply say, "What was your contribution, and how do you plan to address what you need to do to make this work?" She refused to allow my ex to blame me, or absolve herself.

I'd like to tell you that worked, but it really did nothing but point out the obvious; my ex wasn't looking for a solution, she was looking for someone to blame, and this counsoler was having none of it.

This one won't do you a lick of good.

ErasmusMRA · 2012-12-16T11:31:51+00:00

What do women want.

JustSoundItOut · 2012-12-16T17:05:48+00:00

What's been working in my relationship is that we've each gotten individual therapists. If you think your spouse has psychological issues make sure she sees a psychologist and not a relationship counselor.

My counselor is an older 55+ y/o man and hers is an older 50+ y/o woman. I think, for me, his age has been a big help. He's not a "white knight", as you guys say, by default. He did warn me that I can't really know what the personality and/or politics of her counselor might be and I might start out hearing bits of classic man blaming from my wife after her sessions (which I did) but her therapist pretty quickly determined that this was not the case... because my wife started to do more housework.

My counselor has suggested that it is important that we wait on "couples counseling" until my wife has been shown to have addressed her psychological issues in therapy, ALONE, otherwise he said that what'll happen is that I will just get blamed for not doing enough housework or neglecting the wife's emotional needs.

It's been a slow road. My wife spends most of her sessions beating around the bush (apparently) but she's slowly starting to address more of her deep-seated issues and communication and affection has been returning slowly.

freckle2760 · 2012-12-16T16:03:38+00:00

I'm a little unsure if this is entirely right.

That's because it's wrong, that sucks. Maybe you can find a therapist who doesn't subscribe to outdated sexual stereotypes/gender roles. I know if I was in your shoes I would try to explain to my spouse that I don't feel this one is a good fit. If you have a few alternative counselors you've already looked into and you bring those to the table as well, that could also bode well for such a conversation.

Good luck on everything.

edit: grammar

RealQuickPoint · 2012-12-16T15:34:28+00:00

You were just handed these? Like, she's told you what your greatest needs are?

That seems pretty unreasonable.

Sadiebb · 2012-12-16T17:55:31+00:00

Errr...I'm hoping that since this is relationship counseling you were meant to share the papers and use them as a starting point for discussion. Otherwise, time to look for another therapist!

Since you both agreed to counseling there is yet hope, but not every counseller is right for every couple.

However if either of you is going in with the attitude 'I'm not changing but you are', well, probably there is no hope. Sorry.

Also, according to your list I am the man in my relationship. EEEEK!!!

SKapper · 2012-12-16T21:59:53+00:00

If that's your actual list of what's important to you, then I guess there's no problem. But to me it looks fucking outrageous, a load of condescending sexist stereotypes from like, the 50s. I'd be pissed off. How would she like it if her list were composed of anti-female stereotypes abou shopping, flirtatious attention, gossip and chocolate? (I'm female, in case you need that context.)

SKapper · 2012-12-16T15:01:47+00:00

Counseling does not work the vast majority of the time, and when it does, it usually comes along with a boatload of compromise - men not getting what they want out of the marriage. Its just another pre-divorce mind, time, and money drain in my opinion. Counseling attempts to legitimize whimsy and emotion over logic, rationale, and reason quite often. They are incomparable. They are not in competition. They accent each other as part of a whole.

Counselors are taught in colleges and universities. They are indoctrinated with this feminist shit. Also, look who writes and publishes the textbooks they study, the whitepapers, biased studies, and who speaks at their lectures.

There is no good way to know if the counselor is a piece of shit or good except trial and error.

You dont need a counselor to tell you your woman isnt treating you right.

You dont need a counselor to tell you what should be most important issues for you.

You wont be changing an adult. She is an adult. Adults dont change.

Do you really want a woman who needs to be forced or coerced (convinced?) into treating you like you should be treated?

shonmao · 2012-12-16T19:34:09+00:00

I will say this, dude. Going forward, I would say that a good resource is Alison Armstrong. At the very least, you will have a better framework of how to deal with women. Here is some stuff on Youtube through the Dennis Prager show. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBLQqLxxcnY

SKapper · 2012-12-16T19:42:42+00:00

It's not right. At all.

It's personal, so you can't make a single list that fits everyone.

SKapper · 2012-12-17T00:38:09+00:00

Wow. Not only should you never go to couples counseling, but especially not one that tells you what you want and need instead of asking you.

mikesteane · 2012-12-17T06:36:02+00:00

That list is the sort of thing that sometimes passes for humour in the world of bumper stickers etc.

Did the counsellor give you any paper work?

Seems like a service you don't need.

Stevieb1972 · 2012-12-16T11:31:07+00:00

Get a new counsellor. Insist on a male. Check credentials and make sure he is qualified. If she wants a female she can get her own personal female counsellor.

CaptainVanderdecken · 2012-12-16T16:02:03+00:00

Objectively look at the role of the therapist. Their job, how they make money. Most people in stable relationships can sort things out on their own. Sure, attend a few sessions & try to correct anything you yourself may be doing incorrectly. However, if the two of you are not both trying to change.. end the relationship post-haist.

I have come to a conclusion (correct or not) that most relationship therapists are not qualified to deal with Psychological or Psychiatric problems (Custer-B, BiPolar, etc). They seem to have no moral problem insisting on enforcing co-dependent dysfunctional family dynamics rather than identifying problem(s) & recommending treatments.

Sometimes it is not possible. If it is really broken, stop making it worse. End the relationship.

On that viewpoint: Val Gibson (author of the Cougar movement) used to write a relationship advice column here in Toronto. She had / has a cable show to the same effect. No one seems to look at her & question the fact that she herself has FIVE failed marriages under her belt. I would think that makes her an expert at how NOT to do it, as well as a pasty faced female pedophile.

rightsbot · 2012-12-16T11:16:19+00:00

Post text automatically copied here. (Why?) (Report a problem.)

5th_Law_of_Robotics · 2012-12-16T15:55:58+00:00

So that counselor just gave you permission to slack off in bed. Don't concern yourself with her needs as sexual fulfillment literally doesn't matter to her.

Just talk to her about why you didn't make the effort afterwards and maybe snuggle a bit.

I suspect she will insist on revising that list pretty quick.

SKapper · 2012-12-16T21:02:12+00:00

Read this: http://marriedmansexlife.com/take-the-red-pill/ . Right now ideally. Scroll to the "Getting Started" section. If you do what they tell you in relationship counselling you will probably become less attractive to your wife.

herbandmargie · 2012-12-16T22:12:32+00:00

What does this have to do with mensrights?

Whenever articles are posted that provide positive masculine insight they are discredited and said they don't belong here.

This is just bait to circlejerk to gender neutrality. Why is this type of shit acceptable?

Title	Relationships Counselling
Author	SKapper
Upvotes	35
Comments	89
Date	December 16, 2012 11:15 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/14xsgr/relationships_counselling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/relationships-counselling.1006465 https://theredarchive.com/post/1006465

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