“Trauma dumping”

Hefty-Rip-5397 · 2025-05-03T07:03:31+00:00

And they just can't, for the life of them, figure out why we don't "just open up" to them about what's bothering us.

AnimusInquirer · 2025-05-03T06:55:23+00:00

My issue is the hypocrisy. A man and a woman could experience the exact same traumatic event and bring it up at the same time into the conversation. If the guy brings it up he's trauma dumping and offloading his emotions onto her, but if she brings up the exact same thing, at the exact same time, with the exact same intensity, she's just sharing how she's feeling.

The underlying message is that men should just bottle up their emotions and compress them until they become diamonds. But then you will be accused of not sharing your emotions and holding things back.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Interesting-Can-8917 · 2025-05-03T08:03:57+00:00

Many women especially the generation from now onwards only want men to share the emotions that they like. They don't have interest in what he is felling genuinely.

World-Three · 2025-05-03T08:54:25+00:00

Yeah it's the biggest sign to just get away from those people.

They don't care about you.

Reasonable_Elk3267 · 2025-05-03T10:52:23+00:00

And then they wonder why we don’t open up to them.

Suspicious-Candle123 · 2025-05-03T13:04:59+00:00

Honestly it is incredible that anyone would think that "trauma dumping" is something that primarily men do.

Any man can tell you how their gf will spend hours talking about her day, talking about other people from her work and why that one coworker is super annoying all the time and their parents are kinda assholes and this and that and what do you know.

No I am not saying that they all do that, but to suggest that this is something that primarily MEN do? Doesnt get more absurd than that.

Peace_Un · 2025-05-03T09:44:22+00:00

Yeah, my flat mate does that to me and it drags my mood down so much. And I let her because "that poor woman". When I set boundaries, she got upset and now is passive-aggressive towards me

GendhisKhan · 2025-05-03T11:35:39+00:00

Same line as the "I'm not your therapist" imo. There can be valid use cases but often it's pulled out when it's not quite appropriate, to save the partner from having to do some emotional labour in the relationship.

I've had ex's that would need to be looked after and guided through mental breakdowns but I couldn't get frustrated with them or have a bad day.

ChargeProper · 2025-05-03T13:46:14+00:00

Thing is, it's been something of a double standard for decades if not centuries.

Talking about your trauma is not manly because trauma itself is a psychological wound or damage, and men are supposed to shrug off damage.

Things were getting better with people being more accepting of guys expressing our emotions but alot of modern feminist wannabes just use their misandry as an excuse to go right back to those "man up" comments that were more common in years past.

I agree, actually dumping your problems on other people out of nowhere is cringe, bit I do agree that it has become normal to attack and shit on men for talking about our issues or problems in just about any context, especially in male safe spaces (of which there are hardly any left because we aren't allowed male only spaces anymore)

True-Lychee · 2025-05-03T15:16:19+00:00

trauma dumping

but also

emotionally unavailable

bottling up feelings

no emotional intelligence

Sick-of-you-tbh · 2025-05-04T20:33:59+00:00

Always remember that a woman having to listen to a man talk about his emotions is considered “emotional labor” but for a man to do the same it’s considered “bare minimum”.

Naive-Ad1268 · 2025-05-03T10:13:40+00:00

Man I am bi but I faced this too since I entered in teen years. They are not worthy to be listened.

Being volcel helped me so much and plus, online spaces. I can be what I am online but not offline. So, I like this online world

Upstairs-Mud-9906 · 2025-05-03T15:11:05+00:00

Its so stupid, both genders should be able to talk about our feelings and experiences, I mean we aren't robots. (Yet)

LateralThinker13 · 2025-05-04T07:44:38+00:00

"Am I a therapist, let alone your therapist? No? Then knock it off. I am prepared to comfort you, but I'm not your emotional tampon."

Is the only proper response. You can use more tact if warranted, but... yeah, nah fam. Forget that BS.

RikuAotsuki · 2025-05-03T09:48:00+00:00

I understand this complaint, with the caveat that I've only seen it applied to a fairly specific situation.

That is, when guys who normally don't open up finally do, and open up about everything all at once.

It changes the issue, imo. It's not quite hypocrisy in that context--people generally see it as rude to lay everything out at once regardless of who's doing it--but rather just... not having empathy for why it happens.

After all, it happens because they have so few outlets. It's like opening a steam valve. Trauma dumping should be expected when someone's opening up after keeping everything in. Ideally they can slow it down if they open up entirely of their own volition, but if they're being actively coaxed into it, it should be fully expected for them to end up trauma dumping, and it's cruel to expect otherwise.

HypnoWyzard · 2025-05-03T12:25:08+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/s/JcdKcMfrgB

Gleichstellung4084 · 2025-05-03T22:40:34+00:00

so many people are abusing these psychological concepts.... Here is an answer in the same vernacular:

"I see that you are holding space for your self and I hugely support that. This space is nonetheless so vast, that I don't feel you in my vicinity. Bye".

_bisexualwarlock · 2025-05-05T19:41:27+00:00

They're raised as victims remember.

ExaminationLost8819 · 2025-05-07T03:46:41+00:00

Being a gay men in todays society is being like a nazi jew in 1933. "You are one of the good ones, we will take care of you later."

Annika_Desai · 2025-05-07T11:52:51+00:00

As an autistic person, I don't think I know what trauma dumping means. Like, I like it when I talk with a random stranger and they're like this bad thing happened to me, and I'm like oh, this bad thing happened to me, and we're both like hm, hm, hmm, hmm 😔 k then, bye. I feel better, they feel better.

Perhaps the issue is rambling on about my trauma to a person who doesn't want to hear about it, or them to me when I'm not in the mood? Perhaps it's a social faux pas, like... A buzz kill? Debbie downer? Perhaps timing is the key?

Also, it does feel odd when someone blurts their trauma and literally wants us to fix it for them, that's rude bc we all have our own boat to row.

I think a lot of the time though, people are misreading the situation, feeling like the other person is demanding labour when they're really just trying to talk and then go hm ans go home feeling a bit better.

It's just all very confusing, especially when I'm upset/annoyed, don't talk, then someone forces me to tell them, then get annoyed at me for telling them 😫 why!? Humans are so bizarre.

Edited for typos

XBoofyX · 2025-05-03T12:32:29+00:00

part of "being a man" is being able to separate your emotions from your logic. Women don't have that same capacity, they're much more likely to be diagnosed with mental illnesses, and far more in-tune with their emotions. And so I think a lot of women see their male S/O as an emotional pillar to lean on.

I speak about this as a male who has experienced a fair bit of trauma, and bonding with a female over that trauma has never lead to anything good. Trauma needs to be worked through. Don't expect a woman to be attracted to your trauma, but if you open up as friends they can be great listeners.

human-cheesecake20 · 2025-05-08T01:19:47+00:00

because for most men it's either trouma dumping or not showing any emotions at all

and i actually prefer the second it's less harmful for me (both are bad btw )

Specialist_Hunt_8809 · 2025-05-03T21:39:25+00:00

Well honestly since ur gay like people already think ur a woman with a cock and no boobs that why they let u do it but also

In this gen men are soposed to be stronger mentality and physical strong and soposed to suck it up I'm pretty sure men made that system up. Women are more sensitive not just because people say they are. But from hormones too . Ur making this post like ur 5th grade self didn't start gender wars and cooties in ur class

Title	“Trauma dumping”
Author	Snowstormssuck
Upvotes	338
Comments	47
Date	May 3, 2025 5:55 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1kdlxyf/trauma_dumping/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/trauma-dumping.1551308 https://theredarchive.com/post/1551308

Comments