Do you think AF/BB doesn't happen? or it doesn't matter that it happens?

exit_sandman · 2016-08-01T11:08:16+00:00

I think most of these posts are fake troll posts because they obviously have been written with the idea in mind to rile up as many people as possible.

Do I think stories like that can't be true? Hell no, several comparable ones have been taken place in my extended social circle (AMA). Heck, my own grandmother pulled the non-porn version of this and conned my grandfather into a marriage he wouldn't have entered had he known everything. However, apart from the fact that none of these were as undiluted as the ones we got here, I am simply skeptical because of the context of reddit. Why? Simple: Occam's Razor.

Imagine these two scenarios.

Girl sluts it up in her teens and early 20s.
Girl stops "exploring" at some point, turns over a new leaf and pretends her past never happened.
Girl meets very conservative guy with great provisioning capabilities and decides to leech off of him so she can sit on her lazy ass (bonus points for the potential to cheat somewhere down the road).
Girl twists guy around her finger and makes up story about having a very modest past to further convince him that she's a perfect match for him.
Some time in (can be several months, can be a decade) guy gets wind of girl's actual past, either through a mutual acquaintance or through some video evidence.
The following depends from whom's PoV the story is written. (a) girl's PoV: guy is informed by mutual acquaintance and breaks up with girl/threatens to break up. Girl asks reddit for advice and validation. (b) guy's PoV: guy is informed by mutual acquaintance. Guy asks reddit for advice and support. (c) Mutual acquaintance's PoV: mutual acquaintance explains how different girl and guy are and how much girl lied and asks reddit for advice on how to handle the situation. But regardless of who wrote it, their first reaction is running to reddit for advice.
Bonus points if the OP trickletruthes some additional quite important details into the story in the comment section to make it even more polarizing ("oh, did I mention that she never has sex with him? yeah, I should maybe have said that in the OP because it changes the fucking context of the story even for the worst white knights in existence")

Now, the alternative:

Troll redditor makes up story that is tailor-made to rile as many people up as much as possible for whatever reason.

I honestly ask you, which of these scenarios is more likely?

These threads are good for one thing: check the reactions, because these should be mostly genuine.

midnightvulpine · 2016-08-01T01:40:52+00:00

My theory is that subs like Relationships get so many troll posts, there will always be someone calling troll. Happens on a lot of subs where personal stories are the majority of the content.

Do I think it happens? Of course. Is it epidemic? Unlikely. Is it good? Not really. But people are free to be assholes in life. You can't legislate good manners and honor among humans, short of those acts which are defined as criminal.

GridReXX · 2016-08-01T02:01:50+00:00

How is that an AF/BB situation? Dating a girl whose had more enjoyable sex with someone else in the past doesn't automatically put you in the beta zone. It only becomes an issue if she isn't enjoying sex at all and is missing the other guy.

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future_space_boobs · 2016-08-01T01:37:22+00:00

There's been a rash of people writing lightweight humiliation and/or cuckold fetish material in sex and relationship-oriented subs recently. The cringe subs have started to pick up on it. The mods probably had a very good reason to delete it.

nomnomponytail · 2016-08-01T13:46:54+00:00

The main problems with the AF/BB model, as I see it, are as follows:

It treats men a static type. The "Big dick" type here is mostly like statistically settling down in his late twenties or early thirties as well, it isn't just Bob the Accountant getting married. "Big Dick" might even be Bob the accountant at 35. "Big Dick" ,the hawtest guy at the frat house, has a much more boring fate than "International Playboy" or "Real Life Don Draper"
High partner count men "alpha" care LESS about the partner counts of their partner's. When they settle down and become Bob the Accountant, the tend to marry retired parties girls. They become the couple with the basement bar and the raunchy sense of humor. The trajectory of their life is not dissimilar to other people in their social class and region.

I'm not saying that there isn't perhaps some truth here, but it exaggerated in the way that a pointdexter that doesn't get ANY play would exaggerate it, outside looking in.

TheChemist158 · 2016-08-01T06:27:43+00:00

It all depends on what exactly the claims in AF/BB are. I wouldn't say too definitively that any thread on Reddit is true, but your retelling of the story doesn't sound impossible. I have no issue believing that even the nastiest versions of AF/BB happen to some extent, the question if how often or if it is even an amount worth thinking about.

Yes, most women end up having several partners throughout their life before marriage. If you want to take away any qualifiers on what kind of person she dates first versus last, of course I'd have to agree with it. Most women are going to have past relationships, and chances are if you are insecure enough you can twist it around into the ex being an alpha and you being a beta chump regardless of the reality of things.

If you want to add the qualifier that the previous guys were more sexually attractive, I'd agree that it is common though not true for the vast majority. If for no other reason than people are better looking in their youths. But even that aside, you are more likely to seek out and have casual sex or STR in your youth. Not a commentary on gender or anything like that. It's just that you are obviously not going to have such flings after marriage. They would necessarily come before marriage. And if you are just looking for something casual, physical appearance usually rank higher.

But priorities change as you grow up and experience relationships as well. Things that you think matter start to matter less, and other things matter more. Note that this is very generic. I'm not saying that women go for sexy bad boys at first, and then switch to boring accountants. But as with anything else, if you are learning how to do something, you will probably change how you do it. I use to date an overweight korean guy but switched to a 6 foot, lean blonde guy who is IMO just better looking. But I learned to value how respectful a guy is from the first relationship. And so when I saw how sweet and respectful my current boyfriend is, it drew me in. Before to my first, it wasn't a trait that was super high on my radar. So we learn with experience, and in that way you can somewhat say that AF/BB happens, particularly if women take a certain path.

I don't know that very many women date bad boys in their youth just because they are sexy, and then later settle for a sexually unattractive guy just because she realized she couldn't get the bad guy. The more traditional version of it, with a rather distinct "alpha" and "beta" characters, and how the woman views each probably isn't a common occurrence. I'm sure it occurs sometimes. Just not very often.

[deleted] · 2016-08-01T12:59:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

stats135 · 2016-08-01T08:12:21+00:00

Do you think AF/BB doesn't happen?

I think people need to step back and look at the bigger picture when it comes to these things instead on nitpicking the most minute details. Here's the thing, people are going to age. There is going to be a time when women are in their prime when they are young and beautiful. And there is going to be a time when women are just old hags. So does AFBB happen? Well, in the broadest sense any women that has more than one man throughout her life is AFBB. The men that get the fuck them when they are young are the "AF". While the other men that get the pleasure of being "loved" by them when they are old hags is "BB".

or it doesn't matter that it happens?

There are many things that are up for debate. What are the characteristics that distinguish the first group of men from the second? Why do women do this? Does the AF group affect how a women views the BB group? Are the reasons for these things culturally or biological? The list goes on. But one thing is certain, some men fuck women when they are young while others only get women after they hit "that age when aging begins". After I came to that realization and start looking at this bigger picture, the list of debates really don't matter. The whole AFBB really boils down to this, do you want to A)fuck young women or do you want to B)be the man women "love" when they start aging. I for one will always chose option A.

goatismycopilot · 2016-08-01T13:45:15+00:00

I am amazed when I read those stories at the level of disclosure people offer current relationships about past ones. Under the guise of being "honest" people tell one another waaaaaaaay too much and then get shocked when the other person is upset. I never dated within a friend group when I was younger so whatever stupid shit I did do was never public knowledge among people who only counted as acquaintances and I never had a friend disloyal enough to disclose to a current partner, hey the last guy goat dated had a bigger dick so I never encountered a lot of these "the past rears up to haunt me" scenarios. I am much older now and I only ever disclosed details to a few people who have shown they are loyal and trustworthy. People are shockingly naive about who they unburden to.

yo_radical_one · 2016-08-01T21:10:44+00:00

I think most of the stories TRP links to are fake. It's not that they're completely inconceivable, it's that they seem too pornographic in terms of how they've been written.

It's like the incel version of Sarah Silverman lying about pay discrimination, they think it's ok to lie if it gets their point across.

MissMaude · 2016-08-01T22:51:54+00:00

I don't believe in AFBB because its existence hinges on the idea that there are not kind, attractive men around. I accept that most women want a man who is kind, comforting and also sexually exciting to them- RPers would all this a mix of alpha and beta traits. In order for AFBB to be rampant, men with alpha and beta traits would need to be scarce. I do not believe that's the case.

lollygagyo · 2016-08-03T03:38:08+00:00

Idk why anyone feels like they have to be the best sexual experience their partner's ever had. My boyfriend isn't the best sexual experience I've had and I'm not sure whether I'm the best sexual experience he's had. But he's a damn fabulous sexual experience and the emotional connection we have is amazing.

This doesn't mean AF/BB is playing out here. My boyfriend is 'alpha' in that he's physically attractive and has had a lot of casual sex. I outearn him by a mile, so I'm not using him for his wallet. Life is complex, relationships are complex. People like each other for a myriad of reasons and it's not always because, "Your dick made me feel the best!!!'

I'm not sure why people don't get this.

OfSpock · 2016-08-01T02:45:52+00:00

Many more men are casual sex oriented than women. If there are people who end up mismatched, it's the stereotypical 'man reluctantly dragged to the altar by girlfriend' and 'girl dumped by player' which are common stereotypes for a reason.

ThatGreekLady · 2016-08-01T04:29:32+00:00

I think it does happen but not in the way the RPillers describe it. I think most women care about the betas they marry and don't do it just for the sake of evil. (if they get divorced years later, that's another issue)

BluePiller1776 · 2016-08-01T04:00:53+00:00

I think a lot of BP people wanted it to be fake because it shatters their world view. They don't like to think that their wife or future girl they married, had better sex with another man.

This doesnt shatter my world view at all and I really dont understand why you believe it would... A person's abilities in bed and how good they are in a relationship are two completely different things.

Picking someone who is more emotionally stable and reliable to date is a much more adult decision than dating someone for sex.

MarriedLifter · 2016-08-01T04:08:18+00:00

I think I remember that post, and it sounded pretty fake too me. It was just a little too stereotypical, and there's plenty of fiction on r/relationships.

That said, I certainly believe that "AFBB" stories sometimes happen in real life. People can be shitty in all sorts of ways, including settling and cheating. I think you can minimize your risk by belonging to certain social classes, and by doing a good job of vetting.

Title	Do you think AF/BB doesn't happen? or it doesn't matter that it happens?
Author	reota2
Upvotes	3
Comments	84
Date	July 31, 2016 6:48 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4viek5/do_you_think_afbb_doesnt_happen_or_it_doesnt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-afbb-doesnt-happen-or-it-doesnt.273801 https://theredarchive.com/post/273801

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