I feel like there's a trend these days where being emotional is conflated with being emotionally intelligent/mature. The general sentiment seems to be that women have emotional intelligence for expressing their feelings and men simply need to catch up. But I'd argue emotional intelligence is actually the middle ground between the "feeling" women are known for and the "thinking" men are known for. There should be just as much focus on managing your emotions and learning when and how to better express them.

Emotional intelligence is a skill that is developed; a literacy of sorts. It's as much about control and intention as it is about feeling. It's giving an appropriate amount of space to your emotions, not giving into them entirely. It's understanding and giving an appropriate amount of space to the emotions of others. It's knowing when it's a "you" thing vs. a "them" thing. It's being a good manager of your feelings. This comes with time, thought, and practice, not just feeling whatever you want to feel all the time.

A classic common example is when one partner is upset about something and the other doesn't see the issue and isn't accepting their reaction. Obviously not a lot of detail, but many would say the partner who is upset is emotionally intelligent for expressing and communicating their feelings. And the other partner isn't because they are unable to see the other person's truth and understand and/or validate their emotions. And they wouldn't be wrong necessarily, but what about the times when the emotions ARE inappropriate or not really grounded in reality. Yes, validation would be nice, but surely not at the expense of truth and reason? If the emotion is viewed as an unreasonable response, there should be just as much focus on the other person's perspective to figure out why. And perhaps a concerted effort to prune or develop that particular emotional branch.

There's this weird modern idea that feelings are the most important thing and should be given all the space in the world to expand. Yes, they are very important. But so are logic and reason. Emotional intelligence is the union of feeling and thinking. And I'd say 99% of people are only about halfway there.

Thoughts? Has anybody else noticed this?

Edit: I think 'Emotional Maturity' might be a better term for what I wrote about here. Reading the comments, 'Emotional Intelligence' seems to be understood to relate more to perception and understanding rather than discipline and control. I've seen both used interchangeably but I think they are two different things.