ForeverAlone and personality

diFFzee · 2016-10-12T21:29:37+00:00

A few years ago I did the whole startup in silicon valley thing. We would occasionally do party weekends, Vegas, Miami, that sort of thing. So we'd all be at a pool party, literally hundreds of girls, the same group of four people would separate themselves, go sit in the back far away from the "party" and play on their phones. Same when we went to nightclubs or whatever. Everybody had some measure of fun mingling around. These four, in their own little world.

We 'd get back to the office monday, they 'd act normal. A couple would complain about being single too.

My personal opinion most FAs problem isn't looks or whatever, it's social. Be it anxiety/inability to socialize with new people, or outright shyness.

MisgenderedCactus · 2016-10-12T21:45:13+00:00

I'm honestly not sure. Every single one of the FA guys I've seen pics of has been a minimum of 5 in looks, and usually I'd put them between 6-7. Never once have I seen a FA with a picture where he got beat with a Ugly Stick.

I can only imagine that they have such crippling self-esteem issues that they truly believe they are "worthless", ugly, inferior, etc. Which makes my heart hurt, since nobody should ever think that of themselves just because. :(

GuitarsAreGettingOld · 2016-10-12T21:48:30+00:00

Romantic delusions that lead to all kinds of problems.
They have a circle of friends they hang out with, but don't meet new people/women
Were focused on school in their teens. Completely missed out on partying and stuff. Now they grind away at their job and are too tired to go out a lot. Never learned how to have fun.
Self-conscious because of a complete lack of experience with dating/relationships (self-conscious and rightfully so)
Fear of annoying/irritating women (not fear of rejection)
They make perfect platonic friends for women. If a woman is both looking for a platonic friend and a boyfriend, chances are that she will choose him as a platonic friend even if he would also qualify as boyfriend material. Why? Because a platonic male friend is more difficult to find than a boyfriend or fuckbuddy. (Sounds far-fetched? It isn't.)

damaskrose · 2016-10-13T14:41:13+00:00

Well, most of the FA-types I've known in real life have seemed very immature compared to the average person. Like if a guy is 22, but his personality seems more like a 16 year old. Part of that comes across as entitlement and feeling like other people should accommodate them. But it goes beyond just that.

The ones I've known tended to have many traits I'd associate with teenagers, like insecurity, lack of self-awareness, poor emotional control, black-and-white thinking, and using immature defense mechanisms like denial and blame. Add that to the fact many of them still have "immature" (according to society) hobbies & lifestyles, and you can start to see why women would write them off as manboys.

I've dated a couple immature guys, and it was awful. Nothing dries a woman out faster than feeling like your mommy.

dragoness_leclerq · 2016-10-12T23:56:28+00:00

A common trait of FA's is their inability to interact with people on a personal level or maintain relationships, be that with family or friends. Friendships with them tend to be very strained and/or one-sided. The idea that one must (or should) make an effort to interact with people on a social level seems all but lost on them. A lot of FA's I've known or have come across seem to have a 'the world must come to me' mentality.

In others I've noticed something of a superiority complex. The hobbies and interests of "normies" apparently bore them and they rarely 'see the point' in a lot of things other people enjoy. Or worse, they make fun of them. There's an attitude of 'everything other people like is stupid'.

It's rare that I've come across an FA/incel/etc with an otherwise bustling social life and a wide circle of friends. Or any friends at all really which says to me that their problems clearly aren't just being unattractive (because even ugly people have friends) or being bad with women (you can be dateless and still have a decent number of friends).

ppdthrowawai · 2016-10-13T00:18:27+00:00

I would agree that the vast, VAST majority of the time it's in their heads. So how do we fix it? Obviously telling them to change isn't working or else it wouldn't be such a big deal around here.

I think the answers are found in child Psychology. Children tend to do best in an environment where the rules are consistent and there are "fair" rewards for good behavior and punishment for bad behavior. Consistency, structure, and the belief in fairness raise an individual who is able to function best. When it comes to a lot of incels, they were never exposed to any kind of structure in the dating world outside of what they see on tv, movies, and the internet. They likely don't have good personal examples to follow. There experiences in rejection have been wildly inconsistent, making identifying their reasons for failure difficult to do. To top it off, they see men who should be failures according to common thought succeeding, leaving a feeling of injustice.

How do we treat these types? With contempt. Blame. And on top of that people are all over the map trying to explain why these people are the way they are.

These people first need to want to change, maybe get some therapy, and find some advice that will both acknowledge their feelings and yet, be harshly honest and not beat around the bush to avoid offending their sensibilities.

Personal life coaching would go a long way IMO, but nobody has the time for that shit so this will remain a largely unsolved issue. Truthfully though, prevention is the best way to do it and that starts with parenting.

trail22 · 2016-10-12T22:55:40+00:00

Looks and personality.

Everyone has flaws. I dont think being FA means you are more flawed neccesarily then most people. I just assume your/looks and personality don't lend yourself to attracting women.

I think people assume FA's are all depressed and insecure so they can't get women instead of depressed and insecure because its so much harder for them to get women then most men.

Your value and success as a man is defined by your success with women more so I believe then anything else you do with the possible exception of how much money you make.

So a guy with an attractive GF is assumed to be better then the one whostruggles with women , despite the fact that truly horrible, stupid and lay men have no problem getting women.

If you have problems with women it is assumed something is "Wrong " with you. Personally its much easier in my life to just let people assume I am lazy rather then the depths of how hard I tried and failed.

SkinnySweaty · 2016-10-12T22:00:24+00:00

Failure to Launch, it's a societal issue.

redmachines · 2016-10-13T01:40:48+00:00

FA = A man who tries to act like a woman. A woman could have all the personality "flaws" stated in the OP and still have a better chance to get laid/have a relationship than most men. Society hates men and sees them as disposable so their needs do not matter.

alreadyredschool · 2016-10-12T21:28:14+00:00

It has to do with stupidity. You got a problem? Change something, didn't work? Change again. Didn't work? Change. Basically it's an algorithm that runs this loop until you are successful.

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bootsandtoots · 2016-10-12T23:45:08+00:00

Its a combination of so many things. As for the pretty boy posters this is not a good sample. Most FAers would never post pics and I suspect many who do already think they are attractive and have at least the confidence to post meaning they might not be kissless, sexless but just in a rut with finding a partner or friends.

I mean some people are just unfortunately ugly or average like myself and also really lack the confidence to believe anyone could be interested in them. I have actually found out that some average looking girls have been interested in me but I would never believe they would be so I would never go for it. Its also just that I lack some motivation to really better myself to the point where I can go after very hot girls or feel comfortable enough pursuing anyone. And tbh as of now I am fine with that. I want to be healthy but not built and I don't want to have to spend so much time cultivating hobbies and habits to chase girls. I reject it. I see myself as a grass eating male. i don't want to cultivate alpha or masculine traits or compete in SMP. If a girl comes along, it would be nice but I'm not actively doing things that would help find one. I think many more guys and girls are like that than people know

KV-n · 2016-10-13T14:57:45+00:00

eing introverted and quiet to the point of eing asocial

bottles_n_models · 2016-10-13T22:11:21+00:00

Fear of rejection. 100 percent. A fear so strong that humans have preferred death for millennia than shame.

thenoorys · 2016-10-13T01:53:20+00:00

Fate

Title	ForeverAlone and personality
Author	LittleWindowpane
Upvotes	7
Comments	76
Date	October 12, 2016 9:20 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/576lmt/foreveralone_and_personality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/foreveralone-and-personality.272448 https://theredarchive.com/post/272448

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