How would RPW react if the husband does something incredibly stupid?

LifterofThings · 2016-05-02T13:04:11+00:00

Doing something stupid is inevitable. We both do stupid shit and work through the consequences together (with him leading the way and me acting as his support/advisor).

Can we just ditch this stupid fucking straw man already? RPW and self-preservation are not mutually exclusive things. If my hypothetical husband took up meth and gambling and started beating our children, I'd gtfo, as would the overwhelming majority of RPW. You BPers seem to believe that if you can get us to admit that relationships have deal-breakers, that it invalidates the RPW mindset and relationship model. Which it doesn't. So knock it the fuck off.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2016-05-02T13:34:46+00:00

Give a more concrete example of such a decision. Competent people rarelygo so far out if character that they suddenly make ludicrous bizarre destructive decisions without sudden drug addiction or brain lesions

PhantomDream09 · 2016-05-02T15:02:46+00:00

Mistakes happen, and no one is demanding perfection from themselves or the man they are dating/married to. The overall ability/character of the man is what's really important (has a lifelong history of making measured, sound choices, stable, dependable etc). When that man makes an error (and context really matters a lot - what grave mistake has happened?) - it's most likely understandable. It's a decision that was well researched, thoroughly considered, and the potential fall-out (worst case scenarios) were thought of ahead of time.

Stupid things happen, but a stable/measured man does not randomly or 'accidentally' throw his entire world (or the life of his family) into free-fall for no reason.

My SO makes decisions, we discuss the majority of them. He tells me what he's thinking and the plan he's considering. I give my input usually, and we talk about the different pro's and con's. He always has final say - but every decision has been dealt with in a way that either I agree with, or understand thoroughly. When mistakes happen he'll address them.

It's not that I think problems will never crop up - it's that I know any and all problems can be effectively navigated and handled.

I can't imagine a situation where what you are implying actually happens though. I'd need a specific example of what you are talking about.

margerym · 2016-05-02T17:47:16+00:00

My husband has made stupid decisions as have I. Ones that have even screwed the family over in one way or another. I made the worse of those, though. Yay, me!

I agree with what others have said- it depends. If it was just something stupid that annoys me I need to pick my battles. Is it worth a fight? Is it worth damaging our intimacy? If it's something HUGE then I'd expect after over a decade of marriage I'd be able to say "Woah. How out of character. Let's get to the bottom of this." and stick by the man I married and father of my children. Unless it was so serious as to be a continuing danger to myself or the children.

My husband handles my mistakes the same way. Our marriage is based on a lot of things and one of them is helping each other to be better.

Littleknownfacts · 2016-05-02T12:17:34+00:00

It depends. If it's just an 'did the best he could with what he had and it didn't turn out well' situation... I'd ask him what I could do to help set things right. If it's a "knowingly did something illegal to hurt others or our family for no good reason"... I'd begin to question his ability to lead effectively. I know there are about a million situations within that spectrum but it's all very situation specific...

Things that would factor in would be if he asked for help (either my own or another expert), if he shared his decision with me before he did it, how much time he spent considering alternatives. There's about a million other things to factor in that I can't even think of...

DevilishRogue · 2016-05-02T11:52:03+00:00

Don't say "I would never marry someone who makes stupid decisions", it doesn't work that way, everyone can act stupidly sometimes.

It does work that way though. If a guy makes a single out of character stupid decision it was probably a calculated risk that didn't pay off. If it happens more than once then he's not so hot in his judgement and that situation wouldn't arise in the first place.

lady_baker · 2016-05-02T13:17:35+00:00

The line would fall on the extreme side of "fucks up the family." So if we are talking about violence, molestation, or causing us to be homeless, then I would do what I need to do to keep my kids safe, although that still doesn't guarantee divorce (devil is in the details.)

If we are talking about something that causes us big financial problems, but we aren't starving or homeless, or big legal problems, but no one became a violent felon, then I would have one discussion about what went wrong. Then we would move on as best we could.

[deleted] · 2016-05-02T19:51:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

digbybare · 2016-05-02T19:57:10+00:00

RPW aren't slaves. The C/FM dynamic is only a way of dividing up responsibilities within the relationship, but RPW still decide if they want to be in that relationship in the first place (and also if/when they want to leave).

So, if the captain makes some major fuck up for some reason, which causes his gf/wife questions his judgement, then she can very well decide she no longer wants to be a part of this relationship.

But also, you seem to think that captains just randomly make huge, life altering decisions on a whim without any discussion with their first mates, which is a huge strawman. No RPW would choose that man to be her captain. In real life, almost all major decisions are thoroughly discussed between the captain and the first mate. The whole point of the dynamic is that the captain trusts the first mate's advice and judgement, and therefore her input is extremely valuable. The decision ultimately rests with the captain, they still work together as a team to reach a good outcome. Both parties will likely understand the risks and expected outcome of whatever final decision the captain makes.

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winndixie · 2016-05-03T04:30:08+00:00

Not RPW. But I would expect my mate to call me out on it being a stupid decision, get angry and get over it, and discuss how to solve the problem and still respect me for acknowledging a problem and fix it and stay with me.

Yes men make stupid mistakes, one of which Ive heard is "lending" too much money to a best bud. I grew up in a dirt poor family and my parents still managed to stay together. Their motto? Money can aLways be made again. relationship, and in their case, staying together for children and being there for each other is utmost.

But so some reason women expect to marry/be with an all seeing omnipresent God who doesn't make mistakes, and then find him boring.

Questions like yours make me wary of how likely a modern relationship can end over a buying the wrong chair or not agreeing on what color to paint the walls, because everything women dislike = men oppress and hate women.

Title	How would RPW react if the husband does something incredibly stupid?
Author	ThatGreekLady
Upvotes	10
Comments	100
Date	May 2, 2016 11:39 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4hgim8/how_would_rpw_react_if_the_husband_does_something/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-would-rpw-react-if-the-husband-does-something.274838 https://theredarchive.com/post/274838

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