Men over-intellectualize their emotions

pie-mart · 2026-02-14T13:59:14+00:00

They also iver intellectualize dating. Bringing it down to strategy and science vs seeing it as building connections and relationships with people

TopShelfSnipes · 2026-02-13T23:57:26+00:00

I don't think that's a 'men' thing, I think that's a Reddit thing.

The idea that you need to cite 47 peer reviewed studies to make every basic point, otherwise some neckbeard / neckbeardette is gonna "SOURCE?" you is very much a Reddit thing.

For many, it's analysis paralysis. The cover of science allows one to justify doing nothing while the science isn't settled. A lot of us understand that survey data is often just as useful while being infinitely easier to obtain, and that a lot of peer reviewed studies are scientifically lacking because they are just exploratory in nature to justify further research. And social sciences, in particular, are prone to bias influences in things like question wording, etc. too.

If we waited for scientific-consensus-beyond-any-reasonable-doubt to do anything, we'd never move. Hell, people are still trying to argue that the Earth is flat over 2,000 years after it was widely established and accepted as fact that it is a sphere.

You can talk about feelings, but in a debate sub you ultimately have to posit society-wide scalable ideas, which requires more data than just feelings. It does *NOT*, however, require research that doesn't exist either, and it does not mean that 'surveys' or less rigorous forms of attempting to understand points of view are less valid.

COVID was an interesting case study in this, because we saw how many groups were prone to this: the groups who refused to wear masks because they weren't shown to be safe, the groups who refused to get vaccines because they were subjected to an expedited clinical trials process and not subject to the usual rigor over long term Adverse Events, the groups who willingly sacrificed all their freedoms to "stop the spread," the ones who did so then ran out into huge crowds with BLM, and the groups that didn't accept vaccine science but jumped quickly onto notions like ivermectin, etc. It was a really bizarre time.

The short answer is that, like COVID, scientific studies often provide cover for irrational people to claim to be acting rationally. It's usually easy to tell who's critically analyzing the data vs. who's just Googling for things that seem to support their preconceived notions.

mintberycrunch69 · 2026-02-14T01:14:00+00:00

That 5 second statement requires people to be self aware and honest with themselves. Admitting to feeling weak and vulnerable is just something men aren't taught or encouraged to express.

BlessdRTheFreaks · 2026-02-14T07:31:25+00:00

Prolly because we don't have anyone who just listens, loves us, and understands us

So we have to try and understand ourselves.

ladybird_00 · 2026-02-14T03:37:34+00:00

I think men want answers for their emotions and how to avoid negative feelings in the future.

I don’t necessarily need answers for mine because I already have the answer and know, with certainty, I’ll feel the same way again in the future.

HTML_Novice · 2026-02-15T20:30:18+00:00

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

Safe-Mention-7181 · 2026-02-14T00:58:19+00:00

I don't get the whole male loneliness thing in the first place.

There are so many social clubs and things to do. Hit the gym, get a dog, go hiking in a group, do rock climbing. Not being commited to a relationship opens you up to so much fun stuff, so as far as I'm concerned the loneliness is self imposed.

Spicy_take · 2026-02-14T19:58:01+00:00

Because saying “I’m sad” doesn’t do me or anyone else any good. On top of that, no one cares. So I skip to figuring out what I can do to not be sad. Never once has talking about how I feel made me feel any better.

That’s why people dive into RP content to begin with. And honestly, the self improvement side of it does have some value.

OkOutlandishness6370 · 2026-02-14T02:36:45+00:00

Sure, you could watch Red Pill videos for 4 days straight without sleeping...

Or you could just say "I'm single, I'm sad, I feel useless, and I'm exhausted." in about 5 seconds.

The crux of the argument. yes, for a WOMAN you can just vent, process your emotions and move on with life. You may as well. Since you never approach men or expected to be proactive about making relationship/sex happen, you really don't have to think hard beyond just "better mate selection" and how to self soothe when that doesn't work.

For a man it's completely opposite. There are 1351351351 variables involved in getting a woman to love you and have sex with you over a long period of time. It's not just choose the right woman and everything automagically works out.

Therefore, failure in a relationship needs to be root caused for action items. That's what causes people to watch redpill videos for 4 days straight... so they can truly understand women inside and out and adjust not merely their mate choice but also their own behavior and no longer be "too nice".

I can't emphasize enough how hard it is to stop being "too nice" when you are.. for instance, trying to break family dynamics that involved other people being objectively selfish and evil, and have a strong psychological revulsion towards selfishness. But without selfishness you can't be integrated in a way women find attractive.

Basically at some point you have to psychologically snap your limb over and over and over and stretch the tissue... it's agony. It feels awful and unnatural, but that's the only way to correct the deformation you accumulated over years and decades. Sometimes redpill material, blackpill material, dudes basically trauma dumping about why it's ok to be a piece of shit back, is what it takes to break the limb so it can regrow straight instead of crooked.

Is it the best approach? I have no idea. But just feeling better is not going to help anything. it's ok to be miserable in order to accomplish a goal imo. Sometimes you might even need to not vent and remain miserable and in agony on purpose in order to have sufficient motivation to take corrective action in your life and override your natural instinct to be a good person towards people who don't deserve it.

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SeemedGood · 2026-02-14T15:44:31+00:00

“Feelings” are just unexplored series of thoughts that are directed by the subconscious.

Remaining ignorant of those thoughts and the subconscious direction underlying them leaves you at their whim.

Men (generally) don’t have the room to be so unaccountable.

AlarmingArm9919 · 2026-02-15T19:48:34+00:00

I'm not asking you for a fix (lol)

I'm not asking you for anything

I'm handing you words on the Internet that you can choose to do anything or nothing with.

and it feels like you're just drowning it out with your own life story because those feelings are uncomfortable for people, anybody, to talk about

burneraccountguydude · 2026-02-16T22:30:12+00:00

Because they need meaning and conclusion. Especially to an issue so existential as my am I undesired and why am I alone no matter what I do?

matthedev · 2026-02-19T19:02:19+00:00

This is a subreddit for debate, so of course you're going to get people throwing theories and stats at you instead of pure venting.

what do you even do with it in your unique situation? because everyone's is different.

Personally, I decided moving was in order, so I'm working on that now. I think travel is a good way to get a feel for how different things can be from one city to the next. It's even worth paying attention to the people flying to and from specific cities. For example, when I'm flying back home, I notice more of the passengers are older, more are obese, etc. Demographics can have a strong effect on your dating experience.

No-Assumption-Throwa · 2026-02-19T20:07:11+00:00

Because unless you provide the backing of rigorous scientific study behind your experience, you are labeled as a whiny incel. And even if you do provide the citations, you may still be called that.

Title	Men over-intellectualize their emotions
Author	AlarmingArm9919
Upvotes	8
Comments	140
Date	February 13, 2026 10:39 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1r3lxf2/men_overintellectualize_their_emotions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-over-intellectualize-their-emotions.1573417 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573417

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