Power dynamics switch when couples get married

toronto87 · 2018-07-20T15:04:40+00:00

The girl has the power either way, unless you live in separate apartments and avoid the liability of marriage or common law partnerships.

Aaren_Augustine · 2018-07-20T13:33:08+00:00

Why? The problem exists in the marriage. Before the dude has the power to not marry. After, that's debatable if she holds the power.

In the middle, the actual marriage, both sides don't realize they need to do shit they don't want to in order to keep up the 'health and status' of the marriage.

Beta bobs a fucking idiot for handing over the keys and Nancy's a rejecting shrew for not participating in the bedroom the vast majority of the time.

Men need standards and boundaries and women need to understand influence. If fucking power plays are all you know, you're a self centered prick-or-cunt. And both tend to find their reflection in who they marry.

says_harsh_things · 2018-07-20T14:33:50+00:00

Marriage is set up by society to keep everyone rowing in the same direction. Thats why society shames both men and women who are unmarried, and disincentivizes divorce.

Divorce makes a mess for society. I dont want to take care of other peoples discarded kids with my tax dollars. I dont want a bunch of unmarried guys running around thirsting up the place. And i dont want a bunch of entitled single moms running around with their hands out for support.

CharlesChrist · 2018-07-20T18:24:25+00:00

Why is the power dynamic between couples important in the first place?

Do boyfriends say to their girlfriends do this and that or I'll not marry you? Do wives say to their husbands do this and that or I'll divorce you? Either way, I think the relationship is dead if the relationship ever came to that point.

Aaren_Augustine · 2018-07-20T13:30:24+00:00

I have a feeling that living with a woman, perhaps also your children, lowers your testosterone. Come to think of it, there's been some studies backing that up, if someone could dig them up. That also likely influences the dynamics. That isn't directly tied to marriage, but rather what typically goes with a marriage. The dad bod might have reasons besides laziness.

Power dynamics clearly switch then also as a result of the man turning soft. Not just as a result of the potential legal quagmire.

[deleted] · 2018-07-21T06:29:47+00:00

She never has any power over you at all. Ever. Until you give it to her. Just refuse.

No matter what the universal she gets, no matter the men she gets to enforce your compliance, you still have a choice. And it's your choice that matters.

No. Sorry women. We want your submission. And you can not force us to accept a fakery.

Uncommon_Sense_12345 · 2018-07-20T13:55:32+00:00

Before marriage my BF didn't have any power, but after marriage his status went up in my eyes and he had the rights of a husband.

There are many forms of marriage and not all participants are entering into the same for power validation.

If you know what type of marriage you want and actually go for it, both end up happier with their arrangement.

If a guy can't set a boundary and gets walked over by the wife, then he is at fault for marrying a woman with too strong of a personality for him. Likewise with woman who lose independence and self-identify after marriage. She married a too dominant personality man.

Marriage is only suited for a few IMO and most people are just giving the institution a bad name by viewing it as the "logical" next step to dating and living together.

hiso_hiso · 2018-07-20T13:24:40+00:00

She has the power to destroy everything the husband has been building for his life.

unless this is the goal of the woman, this is completely meeaningless.

also:

Society says you're not a Man until you have a wife, kids, a good job , a house and a car. When has all those things ripped away from him he loses a part of his identity. He can no look to those things to determine he is a Man.

this happens to women too, absolutely. it is not an experience or risk unique to men (though from what knowledgeable lawyers around here have said, i get the impression that this kind of divorce is not that common in general regardless of which partner leaves).

Littleknownfacts · 2018-07-20T14:54:37+00:00

Before marriage the boyfriend has the power.

I don't understand how you came to this conclusion. Does he have power over himself? Sure. Because he can leave whenever he wants. Well so can she. They are on equal standing. He doesn't get power over her till after the wedding and he has hubby privileges. Oh so he can't easily? Well neither can she...

When i asked why do married men become pussy whipped i got this answer

Because once married they know wifey deary holds all the cards. You play ball and sell the corvette and buy a minivan or you sell the corvette to pay for the lawyer, alimony, and child support while she fucks someone better looking than you in your house

Men become pussy whipped because they get tired and lazy. They sell the Corvette and buy the minivan BECAUSE THATS WHAT ADULTS DO WHEN THEY HAVE KIDS TO TAKE CARE OF! The idea that the husband has to sell his impractical sports car just to make his wife happy, is rediculous. Like all she's ever looked forward to in her in her life is carting the tykes to and fro all their high-achiever activities.

After marriage the wife has the power.

She has the power to destroy everything the husband has been building for his life.

You mean everything they have been both building together? You think people want to destroy their own lives on a whim?

Men don't realize that their castle is made of sand and their crown is from burger king .

If the castle is sand and the crown is paper, it's because that's the life they built together. Don't build that kind of life if that's not what you want.

This also ties into atlas's theory why men are hit harder by divorce. Society says you're not a Man^tm until you have a wife, kids, a good job , a house and a car. When has all those things ripped away from him he loses a part of his identity. He can no look to thoose things to determine he is a Man^tm .

I'd argue that just as many women build their identity around wife and mother, however given the selection balance, those women are probably not opting for divorce as often.

The message for married men is "Happy wife or she'll destroy your life"

Men can just as easily pull the trigger and destroy the wife's life.

This becomes a problem because many women are never happy/content and always want more.

😒

tickledpic · 2018-07-20T13:59:02+00:00

Before marriage the boyfriend has the power.

Most often he does not. Women are playing the long game. She has reeled him in and is wraping him up troughout the relationship in preperation for marriage, getting his stuff (which she sees as herown) and security for offsprings.

Man has the power when a woman is buying stuff for him (most often cougar-boytoy situations) and/or is coming for sex to him.

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Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-07-20T15:15:08+00:00

aw you read my blog

themormonchurch · 2018-07-20T16:30:03+00:00

the person who cares the least holds the power

darudeboysandstorm · 2018-07-20T18:52:00+00:00

It depends on the couple, many people sign things like prenups making financial matters no longer a power dynamic. Power dynamics are what you make of them and how you play your part, some people aren't constantly trying to manipulate others around them... I however am.

Workaholico · 2018-07-20T21:15:23+00:00

Women always have the power. Always. It is actually funny to think there is anyone thinking the opposite.

Quadtastrophe · 2018-07-22T08:03:38+00:00

So many generalizations that you think apply to everyone. Everything you said is wrong.

themormonchurch · 2018-07-24T22:49:11+00:00

power dynamics can and often do switch after marriage

not so with me

Willow-girl · 2018-07-20T13:39:29+00:00

I have been married four times and can't really say that any of the relationships changed after the vows were spoken. Why did I get married? Well, I'm from a generation where that was the way things were done, at least among respectable people. I never gave it much thought TBH. I've always worked and generally had as much if not more money, etc., than the men I married, so it wasn't like one person had a lot to gain and the other had a lot to lose in the divorces.

Now I shack up with my partner; it's financially advantageous for us not to marry. I can't say the dynamics of our relationship are any different in terms of commitment, etc., nor do I think things would change if we were to tie the knot. Either of us has the power, technically, to break up and destroy the other person's life, LOL, but neither of us seems inclined in that direction. Thankfully!

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