Something nobody talks about

reluctantly_red · 2019-08-25T21:30:47+00:00

This has been happening since forever. My first wife's little brother used to call her mom because his actual mom was always out looking for a new husband. This was the 1970s.

Tealllane · 2019-08-25T21:37:02+00:00

I personally have never seen this. It did happen to my mom with her mom and step brothers. However my mom is from the boomer generation and a small town in Indiana where the KKK is still active.

Some people are shitty parents, some aren't.

quabbicoo · 2019-08-25T22:05:46+00:00

I would argue that it’s less about women abandoning their children to go find a new partner and more about women wanting to maintain an identity and social life that doesn’t involve their children.

My son is my priority but I also have adult hobbies that don’t revolve around him or his care (like dad going golfing every Thursday).

The internet is quick to call single moms used up, accuse them of only wanting to date now that they’ve fucked Chad and want to settle down with some poor cuck whose going to pay for Chad’s baby, etc. and HEAVILY criticizing them for advertising their children in their dating profiles (/r/whereareallthegoodmen is a prime example of single-mom shaming). Many of those men argue that women who say things like, “my son/daughter is my entire world,” are advertising to new partners that their new partner will always come second which isn’t desirable so.

Are single mothers expected to stay single forever and not find a new partner or happiness/love?

I feel like there’s no real way to win here.

When I got back into the dating world after my divorce (I have a young son), I didn’t neglect or abandon him but my once a week dates with my boyfriend for the first 6 months didn’t include my child because I felt it was irresponsible to introduce my child to a man who may not be around for the long haul. He’s also a single dad so after a period of time we introduced our children together and our dates became more family oriented.

I’m not sure how that would have looked to someone on the outside.

Tomatoccino · 2019-08-26T01:09:37+00:00

Partying to find a new partner? Who has time to party while they’re looking after babies or small children?

Go borrow a couple of little kids for a week and see how much fun you have.

fevertree · 2019-08-26T10:26:30+00:00

Ok...I just got done reading a post where someone from TRP defined hypergamy as women seeking the most attractive mate.

Here is is used (in the sense it is mostly used on TRP) as meaning that women cannot control their sexual urges. I just wanted to point out this weird linguistic gas lighting...that seems to happen all over these days.

I have known two single moms and they both stopped dating to raise their kid. They had no other kids. One was celibate for 16 years after she left her abusive husband. So...I guess I don't know the kind of people you are hanging out with. It could be that humans are terrible and without a crushing stone age theocracy to force them to hide their disfunction they are little better than apes. *shrug*.

Out of curiosity...why are you asking this question? Do you live in a community with a lot of single mothers?...and I would assume single fathers...since that's how it works. Were you the child of such a woman?

analt223 · 2019-08-26T15:15:05+00:00

This doesnt happen that much tbh.

sharkgrinder · 2019-08-26T00:47:20+00:00

Often single moms neglect the children they have with their ex, when they find a new partner or when they are partying and searching a new partner.

Really? Sez who? Sorry but this is some massively shitty essay writing.

DelicateDevelopment · 2019-08-25T21:38:33+00:00

Infanticide was once normal...so.....

Progress, I guess?

mandoa_sky · 2019-08-26T06:36:55+00:00

i got hit on by a divorced dad who didn't mention his kid until after we'd talked for a bit. he said she "didn't count" because she lives with her mother.

it works both ways.

bearshark713 · 2019-08-26T15:31:13+00:00

My best friend growing up was in this exact situation for most of the time I knew him, that is early middle school to early college. It really fucked him up and pushed him to his biological father who was better for him in some ways but way worse in others. On the one hand, he's a college grad with a biomedical degree, on the other he's a racial supremacist and vocal about it.

Wallstreet3 · 2019-08-26T16:12:36+00:00

Yes, it happens. I was watching a documentary on the mountain gorilla and a female left her child behind with her previous mate to pal around another male.

quercusp · 2019-08-26T16:55:23+00:00

In u/WhereAreAllTheGoodMen I found this statement in a single mother's ad (with regard to her little son)

"So you will have to accept that if he cries, i will stop what i am doing to go to him"

She got it, she has the right stance. This child's mental capabilities to socialize and be happy in his life are at stake!

JolieKrys88 · 2019-08-26T18:29:08+00:00

Some people just shouldn’t be parents. It takes a lot to raise a child to be an emotionally healthy contributing member of society. People are selfish and don’t realize their “need” to be a parent isn’t all about them. If they have unresolved issues or trauma of their own, they should reevaluate themselves and their ability to provide a healthy environment for children even given a divorce. Humans have very complex emotional lives and the foundation of that is between caretaker & child. It’s unfortunate because that’s a big reason we have so many emotionally unhealthy adults

zerofeetpersecond · 2019-08-28T00:06:31+00:00

The children of single mothers are more likely to face abuse.

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nevomintoarce · 2019-08-26T06:33:12+00:00

From what I noticed around me (not single mothers but divorced women who remarried) I think it's a combination of the first set of kids being older and more independent and the second set of kids being toddlers and more dependent on mom.

AsclepiustheSage · 2019-08-26T07:09:06+00:00

And just like that, my hopes for a thread on female homogeneity were dashed.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-08-26T17:19:35+00:00

I was a single mom (divorce) and I know a lot of single moms. We were all very involved with our children and planned parties, picnics, camping trips etc. around our kids. Unless you count leaving your kid with the grandparents once or twice a month on a Saturday evening, I don't believe we were ever neglectful. My kid's lived on her own 3 years now and I still see her a couple of times a week and talk/text every day.

diffdedbed · 2019-08-26T18:06:19+00:00

Is this considered to be common behaviour?

No idea how common over all.

Can this be seen as a consequence of hypergamy?

Or just shitty people.

sharkgrinder · 2019-09-24T19:09:25+00:00

I can answer this. I’ve dated two single moms. One had full custody of her daughter and her daughter was the center of her life. She is an amazing mother and owns her own house, multiple cars and is already at the top of her career. The father provides literally no support in any way. The second single mother I dated had two children who she basically gave up custody of so that she could party and fuck around with me. She went from 50/50 custody to only seeing her kids for a few hours a week. She eventually got so involved with the party scene that she started fucking around with other guys while she was with me, so I left.

Point is it’s a case by case thing. Some single moms are great mothers and others are not fit to be parents at all.

LotBuilder · 2019-08-26T02:17:37+00:00

When I separated and started dating I was shocked by the number of single moms there were partying a lot, inviting me over with their kids home, etc. I would talk to a girl for 2/3 weeks (several dates, slept together, etc) before they would mention they had kids. The custody set ups were strange. Frankly it frightened me and made me freak out thinking my ex may be doing the same. Luckily my daughter was old enough to call out any strange behavior. This stuff was common

Title	Something nobody talks about
Author	DelicateDevelopment
Upvotes	18
Comments	112
Date	August 25, 2019 9:27 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cveibd/something_nobody_talks_about/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/something-nobody-talks-about.254283 https://theredarchive.com/post/254283

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