Using men for money

wtknight · 2020-11-07T16:06:01+00:00

Removed. No men asking men or women asking women questions.

wickmachine · 2020-11-07T10:31:45+00:00

In the past, men have used me for money. I've always worked hard right from leaving school. I had my own place from being 19.

I had two serious relationships before my husband. And both were financial leeches. (The second of the two being a very expensive mistake). They were quite happy to quit their jobs and live off me. Luckily the second time around I seen history repeating itself and got myself out more quickly.

But I have to be accountable for my past relationships. After all, I was the common denominator in both situations. I certainly went for a certain 'type' of man.

I definitely wouldn't get into a relationship with a man who wasn't making his own money again. I found that the imbalance led to resentment - especially with me working full time and still winding up completing 90% of the cooking and chores when I got home.

Presently, I'm happily married and we both work and split the household 50/50. We've discussed me lowering my hours at work so I can be home more for the kids. But I dunno, taking the plunge and cutting down is kinda daunting and I've never had the guts to do it yet. Not sure if I ever will. (And being a SAHM is waaaay harder than going to work).

poppy_blu · 2020-11-07T13:25:20+00:00

"Sorry, but I don't buy for one second that you haven't used a man for money."

And outside of the dorks who can't get laid, there isn't a man out there who hasn't used a woman for sex.

ninetiesbaby16 · 2020-11-07T13:14:58+00:00

Do men have no agency when it comes to their own money or something? I’ve never asked or demanded anything from men but they pay for my stuff and buy me shit of their own accord and I let them. Is that using? The yeah I guess I do and I don’t feel bad about it lol

Ozymandingo2020 · 2020-11-07T10:43:53+00:00

In my experience, it's the other way around. It's usually men who try to use money to impress women. My ex had an expensive BMW and tried to use it to impress me. I don't know shit about cars and I didn't even realize it was supposed to be a prestigious car.

I don't doubt that some women take advantage of it and start exploiting men. But in my experience, it's the men that start it.

2020-11-07T15:10:02+00:00

I don’t have the patience for it. I remember in college one of my friends would try to convince me “if we sit by those guys, they’ll buy us drinks!” And my reaction was, “but drinks are only $4 and then we’d have to waste our night sitting with those guys...”

I would rather buy my own shit, walk away when people annoy me and spend time with men who 1) don’t have to pay women for their company 2) aren’t lording a $30 bar tab over me like it’s a fucking down payment on a McMansion.

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_mwk · 2020-11-07T11:29:27+00:00

asking for money ? never and id rather die. i can barely accept money from my own parents, let alone a random dude.

i let dudes pay for me on dates.

im too young to have been in a relationship with huge gifts discrepancies, in my longest relationship, we gave each other birthday gifts, congratulations gifts and stupid random things that cost nothing bc we were both young.

What percentage of women do you think use men for money vs keep financial balance in their relationship?

idk in percentage but that would depend on where you are and your economic class. i can imagine many women who dont have enough or any money sacrificing attraction for resources, and I can imagine gold diggers.

Sorry, but I don't buy for one second that you haven't used a man for money. We're all aware of the mental gymnastics women do to justify bad behavior...Just because you rationalize getting money from him with something like "It was a gift because he likes me" doesn't change what happened.

this is whacky logic. by this whacky logic, women who have sex for other motivations (commitment, love, money, whatever), rather than sex alone, are also being used for sex and rationalizing it as "she consented and was attracted to me" doesn't change what happened.

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-11-07T12:22:32+00:00

I once received an expensive bottle of perfume from a guy I had just started dating. Didn’t ask for the perfume, he surprised me with it. Kept it. Don’t know if that counts if I wasn’t expecting it and didn’t ask for any gifts?

I knew one woman who was definitely using a man for his money. She was young and pretty he was rich, older and not pretty, I think they had some kind of arrangement that was one level up from being a sugar daddy because they lived together. But he was getting sex out of it so they were both using each other. She was sleeping with other guys though, not sure if he knew or cared. I didn’t know her well enough for the full story other than what she bragged about getting from him like a nice car and stuff and she didn’t seem to hide that she slept with other guys.

Siegfried66 · 2020-11-07T12:59:50+00:00

I like paying when I have money. Buying gifts and showing nice restaurants is one of my favourite ways to show affection.

I'm a Swedish gal. Men paying for everything per rule is seen as kinda... weird here?

goatismycopilot · 2020-11-07T15:56:47+00:00

I can buy my own bottled water for the shitty walking date thanks.

NarniaFox · 2020-11-07T11:15:47+00:00

I've never done it.

My husband is the first and only person I've ever dated and we both were students when we started dating, so usually the one with money was paying and it could be either me or him. We also split bills from time to time, it was never a problem. We both give presents to each other, so I don't think it can count as "using one for money". One year I got a keyboard and he got smartphones, both are around the same price.

With my male friends we split bills and we also give each other gifts, it isn't one-way. All in all they aren't really different from my female friends in this regard. Yes, they can do some favors for me, but I reciprocate it and it's the same with girls.

I also don't let men (or women) court me when I have zero interest in them and these are 99% of men trying to do it, except for my husband and even with him I was pretty blunt - no "yeah, maaaaybeee" period, he asked me out and we started going out.

What percentage of women do you think use men for money vs keep financial balance in their relationship?

I'm from Russia and dating is pretty different here. Traditional roles are alive and well, so a lot of women expect to be pampered. I wouldn't call it using for money though, these are just expectations how dating should look like and it doesn't continue in LTRs. Most women work and bring their financial share to the table.

From the other hand, in my social circle there are a lot of egalitarian-minded people and they're into sharing bills. But I have to admit that it isn't a norm here.

Cimorene86 · 2020-11-07T11:23:37+00:00

Honestly I have never used a guy for money. When I was younger I briefly dated a guy that came from a significantly better off family but I never used him.

It was honestly exhausting trying to keep up with him. It genuinely felt like we came from different worlds.

He payed for our first date entirely despite me having budgeted to specifically pay for it. At Christmas I was under the impression that we were only getting each other small gifts seeing as we hadn't been dating for that long but he went and spent about double what I had.

What seemed small to him was massive to me. Don't get me wrong I loved the perfume and still wear it to this day because of how good it smells, but it sucked that I couldn't do the same.

It sucks knowing you can't give back what someone is giving you, even with something like money. I was still there emotionally and put thought into everything I was doing but it just didn't feel right.

I enjoy being able to get gifts for my S.O and now that I'm in a better financial position it feels even better because I have the means to do so.

At the same time, it is nice to give and take here and there, even if it's small things like a card put through the post with a few sweets thrown in.

My current boyfriend still insists on paying for dates but when I can't persuade him to let me pay half or get the next one, I tend to get him something.

Last month I went and got him a steam voucher because I knew he had been excited for Cyberpunk 2020 and a card. I've also given him a couple of other things and sent them to him because we weren't able to see each other during lockdown.

TLDR- It's nice to be able to bring as much to the table as your partner and constantly taking without giving makes me feel horrible.

Reisiluu · 2020-11-07T12:05:00+00:00

If no, why not (opportunity never came up, you think it's immoral, you never needed to, you make more money than your partner, etc)?

It's mostly about pride for me. I'd rather scrub toilets and know I made that money myself than borrow money from someone else.

I think in some cases people don't get a fair view of what is really happening in a relationship. Sure, he got her a ruby necklace last Christmas but it's the third time she has covered the rent and groceries because covid made him unemployed. Most relationships are give and take and gold diggers who put money ahead of attraction are rare. Otherwise old rich men would be swimming in pussy.

Bear in mind that some redditors who say these things don't actually have relationship experience. They may also be very young. If they think small gifts or having a place to live that isn't their parents house is too much to ask I wouldn't take it too seriously.

SmurfESmurferson · 2020-11-07T13:21:58+00:00

Guys I don’t care about? Yes

Guys I have feelings for? No

rft24 · 2020-11-07T17:59:43+00:00

i really enjoy being spoiled, it makes me feel like a princess. i really like feeling like a princess.

in the few months that i was dating while i was single, i considered dating only rich guys or getting a sugar daddy because i wanted that spoiled gf experience; but i realized i just don’t have the heart to do that sorta thing. a relationship that’s almost entirely transactional and built on what the other person can do for me isn’t the kinda relationship that i want.

that being said, i do like when my man gives me gifts. gift giving/receiving is one of my love languages (i think it stems from my family, as that’s how they would often show their love for me growing up; especially my father), so i love gifts. they don’t have to be expensive, they just have to show that you’re thoughtful and cared to get me something that made you think of me or that you know i’d like.

i have an expensive taste and like treating myself to luxurious things, so the gifts my man gives me for holidays are usually on the expensive side. i usually give him expensive gifts too. gifts aren’t the only way he spoils me though, he’s the kinda guy that refuses to let me pay for anything on the dinner dates or will take me shopping. he’s just very generous, and i appreciate that about him (i especially like it because it indicates to me that he’s a great provider and will be this generous with our future children). we often give each other small gifts during the week too, usually it’s food and drinks lol. i just love how happy it makes him when i give him things he wants.

i like this dynamic better than that of a rich bf/sugar daddy relationship because it’s not like he’s my sponsor, and we treat each other when we have the money to. in this dynamic, i know that my man is treating me because he wants to and not because he expects to get something out of it. he understands that a genuine gift is one given without expectation of anything in return. i think this is why we treat each other in the first place, because neither of us is expecting it from each other so we’re able to give freely without keeping score and nobody feels used. i still get the spoiled gf experience, and i also get to spoil him too.

i don’t see this as using him for his money, because: 1) i’m giving elaborate gifts and treating him too, 2) i do not ask for these gifts or to be taken out somewhere fancy. i do not ask to be spoiled, i just am lol. i may ask if i am getting a gift or a treat, but it’s not expected.

some people assume i’m entitled because of i’ve always been so spoiled, but i don’t feel owed any of these things or expect to receive them (sometimes i don’t even feel i deserve them) which is why i don’t ask. i’m always very grateful for whatever i’m given and go out of my way to express gratitude for it (no matter how big or small) because i know that nobody owes me a damn thing. i think it’s best to expect nothing so that you are pleasantly surprised every time you receive something nice. i may be spoiled, but i’m not a spoiled brat.

thelajestic · 2020-11-07T10:52:31+00:00

No, I have my own money - I have no need to use anyone for money! My mum always brought me up to pay my own way so that's been ingrained in me from a young age, and I've always insisted on splitting the bill for dates etc.

In terms of gifts, for birthdays/christmas we set a budget and both spend to that because it's a sensible way to do things. For valentines day and our anniversary we don't buy gifts, we do simmering food related and purchase From the joint account (which we both pay into equally).

We don't often buy random gifts for each other - we're more likely to make a nice meal or set aside some time for a particularly lengthy and filthy sex session to show our appreciation for each other. When we do occasionally do random gifts it's lower value stuff - he might buy me flowers or chocolate to perk up my day, I might get him chocolate or treat him to dinner or a takeaway from a place he really likes. That said, I don't think someone buying you a gift necessarily means you're using them for money - sure if you pressure them to do it.

As for % of women who do it - I don't know. While it's definitely a thing I think it's certainly less than the men on here seem to think 😅

Title	Using men for money
Author	Cimorene86
Upvotes	2
Comments	74
Date	November 7, 2020 10:03 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/jpocar/using_men_for_money/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/using-men-for-money.749300 https://theredarchive.com/post/749300

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