What is the biggest contributor to the development of "Nice Guys."?

YetAnotherCommenter · 2015-03-13T02:56:18+00:00

The "nice guy" thing seems a pretty obvious case of men responding to incentives via socially-taught (yet factually-ineffective) methods.

Most men want a girlfriend. Many women, ranging from their mothers to women trying to break up with them gently, tell them something along the following lines:

"You're a really nice guy! I know there's someone out there who's just perfect for you!"

The male who hears this statement is typically young at the time and often hears it from a woman he trusts. So he takes her words at face value and thinks "okay, we just weren't right for each other, but Nice = Hot so I should just be nice and eventually girls will like me!"

In short: men want girlfriends, and many women will tell them that being nice is the way to get one. So they follow the advice.

It really seems to be that simple.

redpillhead · 2015-03-12T23:43:46+00:00

I was once what you would consider a nice guy. I did it because that is how I was told was the best way to get a gf. I was told to be friendly and helpful. Even though I did that I never could get a girl to have any real interest in me. That is when I guess I became a "nice guy." I got frustrated because even though I was following the rules of being a good person I received none of the rewards. Worse then that people got angry at me for being disappointed at the ineffectiveness of the advice.

OfSpock · 2015-03-12T22:25:59+00:00

I don't think they are that much more common. They are more obvious because

1). Women just didn't have any other option in the old days.

2). Societal rules meant that courtship was more structured and people knew where they stood. It sucked for girls that saying no to a particular guy meant that you could not accept another invitation to the same event and had to stay home but it did mean he got the message.

Plugawy_Nedznik · 2015-03-13T06:18:21+00:00

Feminized society produces "gentle, compassionate, sensitive and vulnerable" people.

crankypants15 · 2015-03-13T16:08:20+00:00

What is the biggest factor that contributes to a guy developing into a nice guy, instead of growing up to be a leader minded guy with alpha behaviors?

The guys hear, from many sources, that girls like "nice guys" yet never hear anything how girls really like confident leaders. And the guys don't know how to reconcile the two into a cohesive idea. Not only that but in my day we heard "never pressure a girl into anything", and many guys translated that into "don't make the first move".

I was raised by a single mom...who had issues. Still, it's no wonder I started out as a "nice guy". I fixed that later, and I'm much happier, with more confidence, and better boundaries, and a much more successful dating life. A guy's confidence makes a huge difference in the dating market.

ohhyoudidntknoww · 2015-03-12T21:45:11+00:00

A nice guy is an informal term for a teenage or adult male who is gentle, compassionate, sensitive and vulnerable.

Absolutely not, at least in the context of Nice Guys ^TM and the topics this subreddit discusses.

Icebluedial · 2015-03-13T03:43:36+00:00

Bad diets, no exercise, estrogen in the water from birth control, changing culture ( your sugar coating concept can fit into this).

TRPACC · 2015-03-13T10:34:54+00:00

Nice Guy TM, is feminists describing more typically female behaviors and tactics, and then projecting them onto men.

meehan666 · 2015-03-12T22:09:15+00:00

Bad parenting.

exit_sandman · 2015-03-12T21:56:18+00:00

Thoughts on this?

How goes the saying? You need a village to raise a child. Though you certainly are right when pointing at the parents, don't forget that the "ure speshul"-mentality didn't originally come from them, but was a nutty idea from progressive educationalists; and that meekness and inoffensiveness were promoted on a large scale also isn't necessarily a family's fault.

kick6 · 2015-03-12T23:43:33+00:00

It's definetly a result of nurture, but there are many factors that contribute:

boys raised by their mothers who raise them the only way they really know how: like girls
all female educational staff, boys learn that women are authority figures. Also, they spend an inordinate amount of time without a male role model
rules that strongly discourage boys from defending themselves in physical confrontations (bullying) such that they receive the same punishment as the aggressor

SharkPrivilege · 2015-03-13T10:10:16+00:00

A woman-oriented education :

Mother has a lot more influence than the father in the education of the child. The father is either very passive or absent. Controlling mother tend to brew people-pleasing behaviour for some reason.
Most of the teachers are women who don't see "boy energy" with good eyes. Less rough playing, more ritalin, that will calm them down.
Media is more and more women oriented as they make up for the majority of consumers. That's fair from a commercial perspective, can't blame them. Lots of masculinity shaming, good nerdy boy getting the hottie, etc. Look at Friends. The only masculine characters tend to be assholes or borderline retarded (Joey). The only exception was Richard (Tom Selleck) and he was "bad" because he didn't want to have children.

On top of this, our testosterone levels are on the decline due to chemicals in everything we use or eat. So you get :

Men who never learn how to be men from their fathers because they are either passive or absent, so the mother becomes some sort of Goddess (this can backfire spectacularly though). Extra points if she musters bitterness against men. On top of this, people-pleaser behaviour learned from a dominant/controlling mother. This is awful for attraction.
They go to school and their masculinity is shamed. No rough playing, no doing homework this way, do it that way like the good girls do.
They read how men are rapists and how being a creep is the worst thing ever. Then they watch TV and they see how someone gets the woman by being her friend, lending her a hand and his shoulder and all that. All without a single hint of showing his intentions.

So you get young boys who just can't express their needs, who are afraid of being men, who think that the way into a woman's heart is friendship and chocolate and tears, who are total doormats and slaves to other people's impressions and wishes, etc.

taiboworks · 2015-03-12T21:57:18+00:00

nice guy as referenced by red pillers is about acting nice/supplicating to a girl you like in the hopes of getting sex (because society brainwashed you to think that's how you get sex), it's not about actually being a nice/compassionate person in general.

homo_homini_lupus · 2015-03-13T01:01:25+00:00

Overidentification with and fear of their single moms and lack of fathers

BlitheCynic · 2015-03-12T22:08:13+00:00

Good parenting.

Phokus1983 · 2015-03-13T00:28:56+00:00

Feminism shaming men into being bitch boys. That's the #1 reason. Alphas are naturally strong willed and don't give a shit what a feminist says.

ECoast_Man · 2015-03-13T01:57:01+00:00

Parenting and maybe feminization of schools.

GuitarsAreGettingOld · 2015-03-12T22:43:58+00:00

Lying to children that talking was the best way to cope with a bully and that "violence is no solution" instead of teaching and encouraging them to hit hard and fast.

ReddishBlack · 2015-03-12T22:51:13+00:00

Anxiety and passivity. Low testosterone, reclusiveness, lack of physical and social activity. Social awkwardness stemming from those tendencies, and the subsequent creep shaming from people in response to their sexuality. Self esteem bankruptcy. Lack of education on how to improve.

[deleted] · 2015-03-13T00:19:17+00:00

Nature

Title	What is the biggest contributor to the development of "Nice Guys."?
Author	feelstheheats
Upvotes	3
Comments	51
Date	March 12, 2015 9:38 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2yuaja/what_is_the_biggest_contributor_to_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-the-biggest-contributor-to-the-development.283128 https://theredarchive.com/post/283128

Comments