Age difference in relationships

softrevolution_ · 2021-09-06T16:04:34+00:00

The only reason it didn't work out for me was that he and I disagreed fundamentally on other things. If you two agree on what's important, you are plenty old enough to do your own choosing.

ChrimsonChin988 · 2021-09-06T16:45:26+00:00

1) Make sure you want the same. Be it marriage, children whatever. When the age gap is larger this is even more important. If he's just stringing you along for a couple years understand this and understand the price you are paying for 'wasting' your youth.

2) Purely from a practical standpoint I'd advice 10 years is about the maximum age gap. Preferably only 5. If you differ 20 years in age are you really going to be working from 50-65 when he's already long retired? If you want to marry/have kids w an older guy at least make sure he's rich enough to support you (&kids) without having to work. (He should make 100-250k depending on the amount of children you'd like, 100k being 0 and +30k-50k for each additional child depending on your cost of living) If that's not the case there's no way in hell you should do this. Also considering the larger probability he can suddenly pass away and you will be a single mama etc. you gonna need that $$$.

_player_0 · 2021-09-06T06:45:48+00:00

The relationship may work out. People say age is just a number but then frown on situations like these. Relationships are more spiritual, emotional, and mental than physical. Society focuses more on the physical than anything else. You don't have to. No one can speak for your connection but you.

On a practical note, you will have to think about issues like children, energy levels, activities in common, and aging. In ten years he'll likely start slowing down. In twenty years, you'll have a senior citizen on your hands. Are you prepared to dedicate yourself to taking care of him in his old age? Do you also have parents that you'll have to take care of in addition?

Have the difficult conversations now. If you have reasonable family and friends, have conversations with them too.

CountTheBees · 2021-09-07T01:33:15+00:00

Same with my boyfriend and I, our age gap is about twenty. Have the hard discussions; once you've talked about the hard stuff and sorted out your views, it alleviates the worry. He was very worried about all sorts of things like children, old age, death, etc. It's actually a great time to discuss the difficult things, early in the relationship. But death will always come, for everyone, and you think you can predict it but you never can.

I figured, for myself, it was either have a mediocre relationship with someone else for a long time or have a great relationship with him for a shorter time. I chose the latter.

amadexodus · 2021-09-06T14:40:03+00:00

You have known him for 12 years, but you don't know yet what he's like in a dating context, which is much more intimate. In that kind of relationship, there may be an insurmountable power dynamic between the two of you, depending on how he treats you. When I was 21, I dated a man 12 years older than me for about 7 months, and that dynamic was a huge problem. However, I will concede that you're almost 30, so it may be less of an issue than it was for us.

If this guy is in his 50s, milestones that you may be looking forward to (marriage, children, etc.) may be in his rearview mirror already. You need to ask him very pointed questions about what kind of life he wants to build, particularly if he's "at least a little worried" about your age difference. I'm also curious as to whether or not he has been married before, and if not, why not. Given the age difference, it's even more important that you vet him properly.

rosesonthefloor · 2021-09-06T10:36:55+00:00

I dated someone 21 years my senior for a couple years. He was wonderful, and we had a great relationship. He respected me, supported me, and my family actually really liked him. But he was fit and in his 40s, so it may be a different experience than with a man who is 50+. Even he worried a bit about the age difference - this man would be a fool not to consider it too.

The reason why we broke up is because we knew from the beginning that I wanted to get married and have children, and he couldn’t/didn’t want to ever do those two things again. We knew that, and fell in love anyway. But it didn’t change the fundamental fact that we were just in two very different places with our long-term goals.

What are your long-term goals? What are his? Do you want children? I knew a girl at 14-16 who’s father was in his 60s when she was born, and it was tough on her because her young life was filled with worrying about her dad’s health. Advanced paternal age can also come with some pretty scary health issues for mama and baby.

I also have a colleague who’s husband is about 15 yrs older than her too. They were both super active and had kids early in their relationship so it was never an issue until more recently, now that he’s been retired for a while and slowing down. But they still make it work.

It really comes down to what you want. Think about that really hard. You’ll be supporting someone in a very different life stage from you, and as long as you go into that with eyes wide open, it can work. You just need to be realistic about some of your expectations. Not everyone is going to like it - be prepared for that and perhaps for questions. But if you really love each other that will outshine any negative thoughts from others.

AgathaMysterie · 2021-09-06T21:20:36+00:00

I think it’s one of those things that unfortunately just isn’t realistic. If you’re 30 and he’s 60… I just don’t really see it working. Marriage is about going the distance, not just scratching a current itch.

SamuelLBronkowitz20 · 2021-09-06T06:33:18+00:00

I would think that if he’s in his 50’s, you’re really in different stages of life.

mandoa_sky · 2021-09-06T13:15:58+00:00

well, statistically men over 40 are more likely to create kids on the "spectrum" (says my doctor), so unless you can afford the therapy etc. having kids with this guy may be a non-option.

diaperedwoman · 2021-09-06T16:18:26+00:00

The reason why so many people frown on men dating much younger woman in their late teens and twenties is because they see it as predatory. Like the man is only after the woman because of her younger age and that means because of her young age, she is more vulnerable to manipulation and doesn't have enough experience of an adult to know what red flags to look for.

But there are exceptional cases like me and my husband. He was 32 and I was 21 when we met online and we met on my 22nd birthday. We are still together to this day. If a man is specifically looking for younger women that young, run.

You are 29 so that is old enough and I don't think many people would see an issue with it. People might see it an issue if a 30 year old was dating a 24 year old but not see it an issue if it was a 40 year old dating a 34 year old and I do notice there is a big difference between 30 and 24 than 40 and 34.

My reason for not dating much older men is because I wanted to have children and I don't want to have kids with someone who is old enough to be my dad and then he is an elderly when I am middle aged and then having to be his caretaker at a much younger age. I was aiming for guys in their late twenties when I was young because I wanted older men because I figured they were more mature and have their life together and I didn't like young men then and then I met my husband and made an exception.

ApprehensiveGiftBox · 2021-09-06T20:41:16+00:00

Well if you want children you'll have to take into account his declined fertility. Men's sperm quality starts to decline at 30 and by 50 it has sharply declined. He may have trouble getting you pregnant and if he does you will have higher chances of birth defects.

https://www.healthline.com/health-news/sperm-fertility-declines-significantly-after-age-50

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4455614/

purple_pansy88 · 2021-09-08T18:21:32+00:00

I definitely wouldn't go out and search for a man outside my generation. Age gap relationships have a much poorer prognosis statistically. If you do meet someone with an age difference and you fall in love with that person I'm not saying never to give it a go, but I would be wary.

h00n23 · 2021-09-06T11:03:32+00:00

I would advice against dating anyone more than 5 year older than you

Think about it from this perspective. Women live 5 year more than men so are you ready to spend almost 3 decades alone?

He probably look good now but he would age (become bald and get erectile dysfunction and more wrinkles (less attractive ) while you would still be young and pretty also with age people lose their stamina so he won't be interested in going out travelling etc and won't be able to properly play with kids and be active part of their life re you okay with it?

and you would need to become his caretaker later since he would be ill while you are still young and also lack of sex since he would lose his stamina and sex drive

Also dealing with Society judgement

and would you be able to handle generation gap between you and him

not only that mixing with his friends would be hard because of generation gap

After he retire you would need to support everyone including you him and kids

Chances of having kids decrease with age so you need to think about it if you want kids maybe he can't have them

Also do he have ex wife or kids? Because than you would deal with ex wife drama and would need to become step mother chances of his kids not liking you are high

and not trying to say anything but it is usually redpill guys who are sexist and have fetish for younger women who do it they're very manipulative and if a guy have fetish for young women than he would leave you after you are old.

Also if he never have ever been married than he mind me commitment phobic actually some people after divorce are also really commitment phobic

Nation_of_Two · 2021-09-07T21:44:14+00:00

How do you feel about being a widow? Because that is your best case scenario.

Hopeful_Pay_6685 · 2021-09-06T17:32:40+00:00

He should have married you by now, and he's a Christian so it should be part of his agenda. And there might be a chance that he's taking advantage of you, a younger person, while gets older. But, for you, you could be wasting away your youth on a man that might not plan to spend the rest of their life with you. I would be cautious because you mentioned how you knew him for 12 years, so you guys were basically dating, unless you were pursuing other guys.

gdobssor · 2021-09-06T08:24:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Age difference in relationships
Author	gdobssor
Upvotes	15
Comments	19
Date	September 6, 2021 6:25 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pitutd/age_difference_in_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/age-difference-in-relationships.1067335 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067335

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