I am trying to make things work with the man I love. I am 28F and he is 31M. However we have broke up after a 5 year relationship over the past month but have still been trying to see if we can figure/work things out.

During this time I have been trying to figure out what I want and I’ve had a few conversations with him. I’m wondering if these things are red flags:

  1. When he gets really mad at me or has his feelings hurt, he calls me a names like a bitch and stupid. He caught me on the phone with another guy and spanked me because he considered this cheating. I did not meet this guy before or had feelings for this person, it was wrong for me to do and I shouldn’t have, it was one call and that’s it. But he said he needed to spank me as a punishment. And he said he is allowed to call me names because it’s my fault and I hurt him. He called me names and a bitch during our relationship too. Now to continue the relationship, he says he wants to have the ability to be able to spank me if i don’t behave and doesn’t plan on doing it. But wants to have the option.

  2. He continues on his stance that he would like me to have the mindset of getting breast surgery in the future if that’s what he wanted. He played it off by saying he doesn’t think he would ever make me do it, but wants me to be willing to/have the mindset to satisfy his needs.

  3. He doesn’t want me talking to his mom, aunt, or sister in law about our relationship because he thinks they give bad advice and don’t know what they are talking about. All of them are married. And all of them have told me what is going on in our relationship is not okay.

  4. He wants me to wear dress and skirts 99% of the time. He said he would compromise but his compromise is asking him for permission before I wear something else and we have to buy specific fabric/material of shirts and leggings. But overall he will expect me to be wearing skirts 99% of the time.

  5. He is upset that I haven’t made him meals everyday, and that I haven’t gotten to wife material over the past 5 years. He had kept telling me I need to “behave” and get it together during our relationship.

  6. He smokes weed and vapeseveryday, heavily. I’ve wanted him to stop but he said he will slow down only after he has kids.

He says that I need to fix our relationship and he treats me the way he does because it’s my fault. I’m not perfect either. He wants me to prove myself. He says he has been patient and willing to compromise on things but I’m not sure about that.

I don’t think this relationship is fixable at this point but I love him man truly with everything I have. We have good times together too and it has not all been bad. He says he can find someone else if I don’t want to do what he wants. I’m just heartbroken and I don’t want to lose him.

He makes it seem like everything is my fault and I am sorry that I haven’t given him what he has needed and wanted. I am sorry that I have talked to another guy during our relationship. I am trying to be understanding of his feelings and what he wants as well. He says he loves me and has been trying to give me multiple chances to make things better and show him that I am sorry for what I did. The way to show him I’m sorry he says is being remorseful, making meals, buying him food, doing things he likes. I am just a bad and unworthy person. He deserves better.