Did I do a right thing?

ikfl · 2021-09-21T07:47:51+00:00

Only you know if it’s the right thing since you are the one living your life. I would’ve done the same thing. You are who you surround yourself with, and if you are spending time with someone who has questionable morals it will either seep into your own moral standards or you will be frustrated by not being on the same page.

Wild-Second-6852 · 2021-09-21T08:40:23+00:00

I've never been in this specific situation before, but I will say there are very few things that my very best friend (or any of my friends) could do that would make me stop loving them or being in their life (besides extreme cases). I'd be concerned, and maybe might voice my opinion; cheating is something I have never done and can't imagine myself doing. But if any of my friends confided in me that that's what they were doing, I'd say my piece and then I'd be there to listen and be as supportive as I could be. My close friends and I all have a saying: "I go where you go.", and sometimes the places we go aren't pretty. But that's just relationships in general.

Here's the thing though; you're not me. Therefore, I can't tell you if you're doing the right thing or not. You have your own thoughts, ideas, set of principles, etc. It's obvious that the situation bothers you enough to where you have chosen to cut this friend off and distance yourself. You have to evaluate things and check in with yourself. Ask yourself, "Why did I do this? Do I feel good about this decision?". But keep in mind that while making the right decision may not always be easy, you should at least feel good and at peace about it. If you don't, you may want to reevaluate things.

Endor-Fins · 2021-09-21T20:57:05+00:00

I’ve iced out friends I’ve loved like sisters for sleeping with married men or cheating on their spouses. Friendship over. While I miss the good times we had I regret nothing. Lie down with dogs and you’ll wake up with fleas.

Jenneapolis · 2021-09-21T15:25:24+00:00

I stay out of things that aren’t my business personally but I’m 38. If I got involved in all of my friends’ personal lives on this level, it would be a never ending task and I try to follow the Golden rule. I try to support them and give them my feedback if they are doing something crazy, and if the friendship isn’t serving me (they are being crazy all the time and I find I am caring for them without them giving anything back to me in the friendship) then I end it.

Ethman2k9 · 2021-09-21T07:48:23+00:00

I mean you’re not the one causing the drama. In my opinion the guys wife at the very least deserves to know, as does your friends boyfriend, particularly if they get engadged. That said I can’t say I live up to my own ideals on this one. I do take the opportunity to try to teach my friends when the opportunity arises and get them to stop being shitty people. Guys and girls. About a 0% success rate so far.

amadexodus · 2021-09-21T12:03:49+00:00

I think you should tell your friend's boyfriend. I was cheated on in my last relationship. In my case, nobody else knew since it happened shortly before our breakup. However, if I found out that one of his family members or one of our mutual friends knew but never told me, I would feel betrayed by them (to a lesser extent) as well. Here's why.

When your partner cheats on you, it's a very unique sort of betrayal. The deep trust you had in them is gone in a flash, their touch afterward feels icky, and they become a completely different person to you. Everything before you found out feels like a sick lie: how they touched you, things they said to you about your future together or how they feel about you, your positive self-image while in the relationship, etc. The only questions after the cheating are (1) who's going to tell the truth, and (2) how long the lie will go on for until the truth comes out. I remember how I felt for months after the cheating/our breakup, and I can just tell you that if I knew that other people who supposedly cared about me were in on the secret, I would have felt even more alone and betrayed (if that were even possible).

When you tell him, do it in a public place somewhere, like out in nature or in a park. That way, you're not going over to each other's houses, which wouldn't look good when your friend finds out. And do *not* make the conversation about you.

It sounds like you're not interested in being her friend anymore, regardless of whether you tell her boyfriend or not. That's good -- you can do much better. I'd recommend finding another coffee shop as well.

_player_0 · 2021-09-22T03:21:23+00:00

I'd say also tell her why you distanced yourself. That way you help her and the boyfriend without getting too involved.

YungGuaco · 2021-09-22T06:47:10+00:00

I would absolutely distance myself from that kind of person. Both of them.

NicoleInBlue · 2021-09-22T09:27:40+00:00

I've left a very good friend after a disaster she had done (not cheating). At the time I rationalized it to myself the same way you are doing it now. I didn't want to be friends with a person who did these things, acted that way, etc.

We reconnected a year after, she had managed to deal with the situation herself and forgave me for leaving her. We are very good friends as of today because she found it in her heart to forgive me, not because I was a good friend.

You don't leave friends when it gets inconvenient. Sure, it feels morally superior to pat yourself on the back how virtuous you are for not engaging with cheaters (or drug addicts or what have you). But a true friend stays and at least tries to help. I didn't try. I'm still ashamed of this and it's still one of my biggest regrets.

If I were you, I'd think of whether I've done what I can to help the cheating friend see her mistakes. If she is remorseful and wants to repair whatever she's broken, and you blow her off, the failure of the friendship is on you.

NoAARPforMe · 2021-09-22T15:47:16+00:00

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.

When it comes to relationships, we are greatly influenced — whether we like it or not — by those closest to us. It affects our way of thinking, our self-esteem, and our decisions. Of course, everyone is their own person, but research has shown that we're more affected by our environment than we think.

Latter_Ad_6840 · 2021-09-25T14:14:35+00:00

If someone is comfortable cheating, which is essentially choosing their own gratification over commitment and bonds with other people, then they are not trustworthy as friends. Especially if they don't feel bad. Everybody makes mistakes though, but I would also do the same thing unless she clearly felt terrible and was taking steps to become a better person.

Wolfssenger · 2021-09-21T16:58:19+00:00

I would definitely tell the boyfriend, anonymous or otherwise. Inaction is to some degree, compliance. You would tell someone if you knew they were having 100$ stolen from their bank account every week. Unless you don't see cheating as worse than petty thievery, then you should logically tell him. He'll either live life in a lie or find out eventually (much more likely) and the longer it goes on the more it eventually hurts.

Hopeful_Pay_6685 · 2021-09-21T18:00:58+00:00

Tell the boyfriend, and there's no harm since you're not going to be friends with her anyways. You could tell him anonymously like someone suggested in the comments.

aigars2 · 2021-09-21T07:48:19+00:00

Imagine you BF cheating on you and your friend, man/women whatever never said it to you. How would you evaluate that person? It's you basically.

yareelcom · 2021-09-21T20:33:28+00:00

You surround yourself with people you want to communicate with. If this is the girl you no longer want to spend time with, you have done the right thing.

LateralThinker13 · 2021-09-21T14:18:49+00:00

Mail him a letter, sender "a concerned citizen".

plein_old · 2021-09-21T13:09:45+00:00

Would do the same.

SeaGems · 2021-09-21T17:33:46+00:00

I would have got some evidence and exposed them. People might see this as betraying your friend and getting involved in other people's business, but that is exactly what the friend did and all this does is defend her and the married guy from facing reality and any consequences for their actions. If cheating isn't a big deal, then exposing it isn't a big deal, right? Telling the truth also spares people from going through any more lies and deceit from their unfaithful partners. At least you stopped talking to her though. I understand not wanting to reveal a lie for the sake of strangers, so I don't really blame you, but I hope it would've been different if you were friends with her bf or the married guy's wife who were cheated on.

Title	Did I do a right thing?
Author	OnlySaying
Upvotes	30
Comments	30
Date	September 21, 2021 7:37 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/pse042/did_i_do_a_right_thing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/did-i-do-a-right-thing.1075231 https://theredarchive.com/post/1075231

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