I've been having issues with my partner recently. He told me in so many words that I'm not ambitious and I don't like to do anything.

He was looking at an internet meme, and asked what I enjoyed doing most as a child, because it could point to what you're supposed to do as an adult. I drew blanks. The only thing I could think of is that I loved going to my friends houses and playing or talking for hours. I also liked reading, mostly to understand the characters. I spent all my time during my teens with friends or reading.

I do work, but it's not going that well and I don't make much money at all. He on the other hand is very ambitious and it shouldn't be a problem for him to fully support us when we have kids. He wants me to be occupied until that point.

I always think about having kids, and daydream about the toys I'd make them, treehouses we'd build, birthday cakes, finding out all their special little interests, painting their rooms. My mother always told me growing up that she was forced into motherhood, and that we were accidents. She never said it in a mean way, more like, I love you very much but I didn't mean to have kids.

She never really taught me anything about life, and my dad wasn't around either so I have these daydreams about how I'd do it different and Id be the best mother and teach them everything, like how to do taxes and help them figure out college and be there to talk to when they have their first kiss.

We are not in the space to have children right now but I feel like life is just dragging and dragging on while I wait for life to begin. I can't help but think about the fact that my mother was a mother at my age, and I wish I was already.

I don't know if I have an accurate view of motherhood, but there's nothing else I want to do. I've never had many hobbies or passions aside from other people so I don't know if I'm just convincing myself because I have nothing else. I must be meant for motherhood because I don't want to do anything else... Is it just a cope?

My question is, what should I do the next 2-5 years while I'm waiting? I need to bring in more money but working feels torturous especially the mental work I do now. I can't work a physical job I have to work remote because he has to move a lot for his profession.

I'm feeling lost.