I think I’ve been alpha widowed at 32

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-05-03T17:16:33+00:00

Nothing about the man you describe makes him high value. Meeting someone on a dating site and then meeting in person less than a week later is drastically different from carrying out a relationship online with a man who can show you whatever part of himself he wants, while convincing you of literally anything. Claiming he's high value doesn't make him high value. On the contrary, his awareness of RP is generally considered a red flag. His willingness to let you spend a lot of money on him is a red flag on fire.

You're 32. You're not dead. You met this unemployed man once? Stop looking at him through rose-colored glasses and go on a date with someone new.

pieorstrudel5 · 2023-05-03T22:07:47+00:00

I don't even think you understand what Alpha Widowed means.

Jenneapolis · 2023-05-03T18:26:43+00:00

You have to deal in reality, not a fantasy. So let’s give him the benefit of the doubt that he got screwed over by Covid or the macro economic conditions - that sucks for him. But what about that makes you think he is the guy who you want to have kids with and commit to given the state of his life? It definitely sounds like you just want to be with someone and you hoped it was him for whatever reason, maybe he’s hot and charismatic, but you are definitely not alpha widowed because you went out with a guy once who was actually not alpha and turned out to be not what he told you he was. And now he is pulling away because he was never interested in anything serious to begin with. You were a plate I’m sorry to say. I really hope you take this one as a learning experience.

Agreeable-Comedian24 · 2023-05-03T18:21:07+00:00

Be grateful that you’ve learned to see men and relationships differently. But realize this man is not it for you. Do not make excuses for a grow man. Life is hard for everyone in one way or another. What we do with those challenges defines us. It seem this man is doing nothing. The memories and dreams you mentioned were just chats with an internet stranger who lead you on. It sounds like it’s time for you to reframe this in your mind.

aussiedollface2 · 2023-05-03T20:11:44+00:00

You’ve got a random guy you don’t really know who made you pay for everything up on a pedestal. Gal I’m sorry, you are living with the fantasy and potential of a future-faker. I’m sensing some desperation in your post like you feel you can’t do better? Sorry if that’s incorrect but just what I’m sensing and that could be what’s behind why you’re idolising someone like this? Feelings of desperation and low self esteem are very real and make us make questionable decisions. Is there a friend it family member you can chat to who you trust? xxx

Secretagenta92 · 2023-05-03T18:12:58+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through this. When a man tells you deserve better believe him because if you don’t he will show you. As women we have something beautiful which is our nurturing and empathetic energy however we should put it towards ourselves first. You need to take a person for who he is not for what he could be. Let him go and move on. It’s going to be extremely difficult but it will make you stronger I am a firm believer of fate. For now both of you aren’t meant to be but in the future for whatever reason if you are meant to be you will be in each other’s lives. There are plenty of men out there they might not be him and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

CapitalG888 · 2023-05-03T17:39:48+00:00

So he is RP but was fine with you paying? After it he just cannot handle not being a "man"?

You got taken for a ride.

That's the price you pay when you are looking so hard for a "captain" instead of a partner.

BudgetInteraction811 · 2023-05-03T20:42:50+00:00

I’m sorry, WHAT? You talked to this guy online for a whole year before meeting? Why wait that long? Because he’s unemployed? 🥴 I don’t understand why you changed your values and belief systems for a man who you didn’t even really know. There are plenty of men online that spout redpill rhetoric; what exactly made him a “high value man” to you? No high value man would be jobless at home with an online girlfriend who buys him a vacation. Please, you’re love-blinded. You’ll find someone IRL who has a job and can’t hide behind a screen to puff themselves up into an “alpha” man.

DelicateDevelopment · 2023-05-04T10:47:51+00:00

95% of what you think about him and see in him is your interpretation and not real.

You need to become aware of this and then let him go.

He has only released those ideas in you, but he is not those ideas.

And he himself told you that right now he doesn't feel strong enough to match up to you and also provide and care. He needs to take care of himself first before he can be a direction for others.

But now you know what you are looking for and how the future might feel for you :)

vintagegirlgame · 2023-05-03T22:14:45+00:00

I thought I was going to be alpha widowed at 34 when my fiancé that I was with for 12 years finally ended things because “he wasn’t in a good place” (depressed) and “I deserved better.” Turns out he was right.

I focused heavily on healing and self care, experimented with some dating, and 6 months later, I met a true alpha online who is also the fantastic father of a 3 year old. He used to work a lucrative field making 6 figures being his own boss. That entire market crashed and he was left broke after spending all his money on helping the baby mama move out and setting her up so they could separate. Within 2 months of meeting online, I paid to fly to see him and he found a way to pay for a luxurious Airbnb staycation and all the expenses that trip. He doesn’t care that he used to be a total boss, he humbly found work in construction, has some side hustles and is getting back on his feet no matter what… not whining away at what could have been. He’s the hardest worker I have ever met and says he will do whatever it takes to provide for our family so I can be a SAHM. I’m 35 and we want a large family so we got right to the point and I’m already 7 weeks pregnant. We also just made a big move to Hawaii so we can be with his son. I lent him $5k from my savings to help the move happen which he had a hard time accepting but is working hard to pay back while I am resting in my first trimester feeling safe and secure in his ability to provide, enjoying romance in paradise.

In the meantime the original fiancé is still heartbroken over me 1 year later (tho he initiated the breakup)… and says losing me is the biggest regret of his life. I’m totally moved on and glad he “let me go” because my loyalty is strong and I would have stood by him thru his depression, even tho I wasn’t being treated right. I’m so happy with my new partner… he really has the best combination of alpha badass and beta provider traits. Watching him with his son melts my heart. And despite only meeting in person 3 months ago we have this deep and complete trust and understanding. Plus he’s 6’1, fit body and totally handsome!

Just sharing my story of how it is possible to recover from potential alpha-widowhood. And how meeting a man online should progress quite quickly (esp in our 30s). Online you can get right to understanding if you are on the same page/goals in life instead of beating around the bush. Even if he’s been thru a ride, a true alpha will find a way to bounce back. They can also humbly accept money when necessary but it fuels their fire to step up even more, instead of making them feel defeated or emasculated.

Takiyah7 · 2023-05-04T03:50:22+00:00

When a man says that you both shouldn't be together, accept that gift graciously because he could have dragged the relationship along and taken advantage of you.

Now, men who are in the building stage are the most difficult men to encounter as a woman new to RPW. Why? Because guys who have not established themselves and have no ambition are an easy no, and full provider men are an easy yes, but building stage men (unestablished, seemingly ambitious men) have you caught between a rock and a hard place.

You're constantly wondering that if you do date him and he devolves into someone who can't even provide for himself that you would have wasted your time, but you also wonder that if you turn him down and he becomes a provider that you would have lost your captain.

Women in general marry potential, but men do not. Men marry women who they - on an individual basis - assess to be complete, whole, content with herself and her accomplishments/trajectory in life, because they expect the woman they marry to not change. Women, on the other hand, expect the men they date and marry to eventually change and become the man of their dreams. It is not healthy for either party to expect their partner to become someone they are currently not.

While things are different for persons in uni/training/early twenties, it's much different for persons in their thirties, especially as a woman! General male red pill rhetoric does not give much grace to women past "the wall," or with high body counts (what high is varies from person to person), and while some might say that's a green light to give up, RPW says otherwise.

I'm writing all this to say to not marry potential. If you want stability, children, and to be a SAHM, then as a 32 yr old woman, you need to date men who are already providers, particularly older men. Right now, that man is not a provider. Even if he shows provider traits, money changes people, or rather, brings out who they truly are. He may not want to provide after he establishes himself. In fact, he might be more jaded about marriage and providing for women in marriage than you initially thought, like a guy I dated...

I can sort of relate to your situation. I dated a guy who showed significant promise but was not financially stable at the time. I felt as though he'd eventually get there with my love and support (not that he needed it because he's quite self sufficient), but he kept pointing out the state of the economy, and how unlikely it was for me to be a SAHM. These statements truly shocked me because he is ambitious and has a winning mindset with the discipline to back it up. Due to several incompatibilities, he decided that we should no longer date, and I agreed as I saw the incompatibilities too. It was difficult as I thought he was the answer to all my prayers, but as I've realized, sometimes you're not ready for the answer you're looking for, so God sends you a sample to learn from instead.

It's wonderful that you've discovered this side of yourself, and this community is full of women who can help you navigate this realm. I've been in this space for quite some time and I'm still learning! I discovered sooooooo many things about myself and men in general after reading some of the books in the sidebar after the last guy I dated, its almost comical 🤣🤣🤣 Take this post-breakup time to focus on yourself, learn about this new side of you, grow, and look forward to the future 🤗

RubyWooToo · 2023-05-04T15:06:41+00:00

Why don't you trust him when he says that he can't provide you with the relationship you deserve and that it would be better if you went no contact? Are you saying that you think you know his own feelings better than he does and that he should pursue this relationship against his own better judgment?

01krazykat · 2023-05-04T16:44:23+00:00

Where do I go from here?

Far away and quickly. Was this a troll post? Or are you seriously saying you "fell for" an unemployed guy you met online who you paid for a whole trip for? There will be nothing traditional about this relationship if you continue. You've already taken on the masculine role. If you want to live a soft feminine life, this isn't it. There are many men out there who will treat you better. Yes, even at 32...

AutoModerator · 2023-05-03T16:36:40+00:00

Title: I think I’ve been alpha widowed at 32

Full text: Met the most amazing man online a couple months ago during a shared activity (not a dating site). Same age as me. He introduced me to a lot of RP concepts and I was beginning to feel I could really see him as my eventual Captain. Went from being sure I would never be a mom to thinking this man could be an amazing father and realizing that I would actually love to be a housewife for him and grow a family. He made me feel like there was hope for a non-virgin woman of my age.

Well he’s going through a shit spot in life. Dead end town and no job opportunities. I feel like I can see that the situation isn’t permanent, he shows so many signs of being able to thrive if only he could get the chance. He doesn’t have a loser attitude, but this world is absolutely sucking right now and it feels to me like the odds are temporarily stacked against him.

We met for the first time recently and the trip was incredible. I did pay for it because I am financially able and also did not want to waste a year talking with a man online only to discover when we met that we didn’t have any actual real chemistry. I did not think less of him for not being able to pay for things because I feel his situation isn’t permanent. However now he’s pulling away because he feels like he can’t offer what a man should be able to offer. I feel the inevitable is he disappears on me (big reason to never do anything online, ladies. Guess I needed to learn this) and I’m left alone with memories and dreams about what could have been. But I never want to be with another loser dude ever again after this man showed me who he was. Hell, I don’t want to be with anyone else period. I don’t have any control over this situation though. It really is true that women control the sex but men control the relationship.

I guess the reason I’m posting is I don’t know where to go from here because he changed the entire game in my brain and I don’t want to go back to how life was before. It HURTS. He tells me not being in contact with me will be better for me, and that he will only pull me down, but all I want to do is be there for him, build him up, show him what an incredible man he really is. I’ve tried being positive, affirming him, but it feels like I’m up against a wall of shit life circumstances that won’t let me help in an effective way. Where do I go from here? Thanks for reading.

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2023-05-04T00:41:32+00:00

You have a lot of really valuable insight here from people more knowledgeable than me but I’ll add a few thoughts.

I don’t think you’re alpha widowed. I think you’re just hurting over losing a man you had deep feelings for. It isn’t the same thing. You built a strong connection with this man and held that for over a year. Of course right now you’re devastated and heartbroken and can’t imagine anyone better. That’s normal and that’s human and it’s healthy. Please give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel these feelings so that you can heal.
Please raise your standards. Obviously I didn’t see you two interact at all but nothing about this man sounds alpha or high value from your post. “Making you feel like there’s hope for a non virgin post 30 year old” is the absolute bare minimum a man should be giving you. The idea that non-virgin or post 30 year old women have no value is a completely chronically online take. People in the real world do not think this way. RP is about being objective about the reality of the sexual marketplace and becoming the best version of yourself so that you DESERVE a good man. It’s not about groveling and hoping a man will pity you and commit. That nonsense is from men in the anger phase. It isn’t at all true.
Please never again do something like paying for a trip with a man the first time you meet him. I mean that graciously because obviously at the time it seemed like the best decision but absolutely not. At BEST, this makes a man feel emasculated and he’s gonna lose interest on that alone. At WORST he’s using you for money AND sex. He needs to take initiative and prove himself to you, especially at the beginning. And if he can’t? He’s not ready for a relationship.

And finally, to combine 2 and 3, please be VERY careful with attempting to date unemployed men. Ride or die loyalty is for a husband or LTR who has EARNED that. It’s not for a total stranger. If a man can say he doesn’t want a single mom, you’re allowed to not want someone unemployed. This isn’t shallow. Anyone, male or female, should have their own life in order before they bring someone else into it.

Sorry for the wall of text but I hope it helps a bit. I think you handled this the best you knew how, and it’s obvious you’re in a lot of pain. I hope you can heal well and that next time you can keep some of this in mind.

Diamond-Breath · 2023-05-03T17:06:21+00:00

No offense but you sound like a troll.

Korethhh · 2023-05-05T16:15:51+00:00

You're in love with the idea of him and what could be, you kinda eluded to it yourself in your post.
You need to cut it off and move on. No contact is absolutely the way to go. Idealising him only makes it worse, this is not a high value man.
Start coveting your n count. In doing this you won't waste time on low value men, and you'll waste even less time on idealising potential partners.
You need boundaries!

AutoModerator · 2023-10-04T15:46:29+00:00

Title: I think I’ve been alpha widowed at 32

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Title	I think I’ve been alpha widowed at 32
Author	CranberrySoftServe
Upvotes	16
Comments	41
Date	May 3, 2023 4:36 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/136se2l/i_think_ive_been_alpha_widowed_at_32/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-think-ive-been-alpha-widowed-at-32.1217680 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217680

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