Interreligious dating

SunshineSundress · 2022-04-07T09:42:54+00:00

It depends on how big a role religion plays in your life. I’m in an inter-religious relationship, but it’s not an issue because both while both my SO and I were raised in our respective faiths, we currently both hover somewhere between our religions and agnostic. Religion doesn’t make up a huge aspect of our lives and we don’t plan for it to be a huge aspect in our future. We’re also very respectful about the different practices our religions have (while not really participating in them ourselves), so there’s never any conflict in that regard.

If religion plays a bigger role in your life (and it sounds like it does, seeing as you’re yearning for someone to pray and read the Bible with), it may be an issue. You may not be very romantically compatible with someone who cannot share your religious practices with and build your spirituality with. If you think about your future, could you see a lifetime partnership with someone who cannot or doesn’t want to participate in your religious practices? If you have strong religious convictions, could you respect and be led by someone who does not share your beliefs and has beliefs of his own? If you think it’s possible, I’ve definitely heard of cases where inter-religious couples who are religious still make it work. But if you don’t think you can, then maybe it’s worth it to re-examine your long-term compatibility.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2022-04-07T20:00:22+00:00

Even if everything is cool now - and it sounds sort of not - once kids come along, everything goes retrograde. In-laws will want to have input and will cause drama - I know a couple where he’s Jewish and she’s Catholic. They weren’t going to get the kids baptized but evidently her parents had it done when they had the kids for the weekend. Hilarity did not ensue.

roygbiv103188 · 2022-04-07T13:04:02+00:00

My SIL (husband’s sister) is Catholic and has always been pretty devout. She married a man who is an “out of practice” Muslim(raised in Muslim household but no longer followed Islam once he left home). They’ve been married 7 years and now have 3 kids.

Their oldest is almost 6 and just now SIL is beginning to see that her situation is very, very difficult. They’ve already had plenty of issues re:their religions - his family didn’t speak to them for almost the entire length of SIL’s first pregnancy bc they told his parents they wouldn’t be using traditional Muslim names for their kids - but now it is beginning to cause palpable tension between SIL and her husband. He will not attend church with her or the kids, will not partake in any kind of religious ed for the kids, will not pray with them at dinner, nada. She is constantly pissed off about this, but like, what did she expect? He told her from the get go what his upbringing was and although he was fine with having their kids baptised and raised Catholic, he was clear he wanted no part of it.

I’m not saying there is a right or wrong answer. But as someone who has been married for some time, has kids, and holds their faith at the center of their life, I really can’t imagine being married to someone who didn’t at least share the same or a very similar (ie: a Catholic marrying an Episcopalian) faith. It might not seem like much but it really is, especially if/when you have kids.

Wise_beauty2 · 2022-04-07T09:46:02+00:00

The bible says to be evenly yoked for a reason.

squideye62 · 2022-04-08T04:47:15+00:00

Tbh it's important to remember that as important as it is to you to raise your kids Christian, he finds it just as important to raise the kids interculturally. And I actually applaud him for that because it shows some more tolerance/acceptance for another culture (Hindus are usually more accepting of other cultures than Abrahamic faiths).

I'm (f) a Hindu and my boyfriend was raised Hindu but became an atheist before I met him. We've discussed it and talked about raising our future kids with both perspectives. It's important to us that we both respect the other's beliefs, and don't undermine them in front of the children. Children need strong figures to look up to and if there are any perceivable differences in beliefs that are affecting the dynamic in the relationship, then that's a problem. We plan on raising our kids with Hindu customs while also teaching them about facts, science, etc. - but if one of our children ever asks me a question about something, I'll give them the Hindu answer, but if they ask my boyfriend about something, I wouldn't expect him to lie (to himself) and give them a Hindu answer - I'd like them to hear his atheist perspective too. Critical thinking and making one's own decisions after hearing all available information is a skill I'd like to impart to my kids. I think this is your husband's perspective too, which I find admirable.

He's not wrong for wanting to raise his children interculturally - in fact I think he's making an admirable compromise there - and you're not wrong for wanting to raise your kids Christian. What's wrong is you expecting him to want what you want. I don't think you're compatible in terms of beliefs, and trying to change his mind will only prove you don't accept him for who he is. When you love someone, you love all of them - beliefs you agree with, beliefs you don't, annoying habits, etc. - but if there's something you can't accept, you call it incompatibility and move on to someone who you can love and be with and accept wholly.

All the best and please remember that your beliefs don't trump his and neither do his trump yours. They're equally valid, they just don't align.

ins0mniaa · 2022-04-07T11:38:25+00:00

If you took your religion seriously you wouldn’t be in this relationship. Marriage in Christianity is about sanctifying each other, and the ultimate goal is to go to heaven. “He’s really a good guy tho” what about his values? His cultural views? How are you gonna raise your future children? You’re already feeling the lack of something to bond you guys in relations to your faith, now this difference will only grow with time.

breadcake5245 · 2022-04-07T12:42:29+00:00

If you are a Christian and want to remain a Christian, no. The Bible is clear on this.

anothergoodbook · 2022-04-07T16:31:48+00:00

I would avoid it. The Bible warns against it.

It seems wonderful now. But when you introduce the idea of marriage - which customs do you choose? Who gives up what? Then when it comes to raising children - that becomes the really hard part.

One benefit of being married to a Christian man is that we pray together, read the Bible together, hold each other accountable, get to participate in church together as a family.

Underground-anzac-99 · 2022-04-07T10:55:16+00:00

One issue: you cannot convert to Hinduism.

marcelmarceau1972 · 2022-04-08T15:26:31+00:00

Great advice in here! I'm only going to add one thing I've seen and experienced: with age, religion tends to become MORE important. If it's important to you now, chances are it will become even more important in the future.

I (male) was "indifferent" about religion, but "open" to my wife's view. Soon after we got married, I just dropped the support by letting her do "her thing" and doing the minimum. It became an issue in an otherwise great relationship. She needed more, and with children it became more and more of an issue. It became THE issue. Thankfully, she guided me to see it and I saw how terrible it was for other marriages to have the husbands half-heartedly 'support' or plainly not support their wives' religion. It took me time (years) but little by little I've understood how big of a call it is for my wife (and others), and (at my own pace) I have embraced it as a big part of our lives. We are both very happy about it. It has united us in super deep ways. It's crazy how I could start seeing her viewpoint and supporting her in 'small' disagreements with my family, fully taking her side. I see how I was 'cutting her wings' and one of my great happiness in life is to see her flourish and fulfilled! Her views and her role are a huge blessing not only for our children and me but for everybody she interacts with.

I know it's a generalization, but it's pretty common that with age you look for other things. Even for people in the same religion, it's an uphill battle if they both don't grow towards the same. If religion is a part of you already, I think it will become bigger with age.

jayval90 · 2022-04-07T16:09:54+00:00

If you are missing those things now already, it's not going to get better as time goes on. There's a good reason values are ridiculously important for this kind of thing. Interreligious dating never works, because either it's a constant point of contention, or you are both not actually that religious (in which case you're not really interreligious).

Unless one or both of you plans on converting to the other, I would highly suggest seeking out someone who is a "really good guy" plus shares your values.

Anonymous_fiend · 2022-04-07T20:13:36+00:00

Interreligious dating is a recipe for disaster long term if you plan on having kids. Marriage is about compatibility and similar goals for the future. And this isn’t a problem that can be fixed so you need to accept it or move on. Your still very young imo find someone more compatible. I was raised Christian band converted to Conservative Judaism. Since my fiancé’s family is Orthodox (Conservative Judaism conversions aren’t recognized by them) I’m converting to Orthodoxy before we get married. Parents should be on the same page and present a unified team to their children. Also that’s a huge part of your life he won’t really be a part of. That can be very lonely 20 years down the line. Especially when you see families all together at church. If you’re truly Christian in practice not just feelings and by title then you know you shouldn’t be with someone unequally yoked. The Bible doesn’t approve of marrying someone who is polytheistic/idol worshiper. He may be “good” by secular standards but that doesn’t mean he’s “good for you”. If marrying in your faith and your children being raised Christian is important then you’ll marry in your faith. You might have to compromise in other areas but it’s up to you to determine what qualities and traits are important to you in a husband.

boofthegirl · 2022-04-07T12:51:18+00:00

To preface this, I am an atheist and have had nothing to do with religion my entire life. I’ve been in a church twice in my life. The last time I went in one I was worried I may disintegrate lol

Anyway, I have a friend who is Hindi and her husband “Christian” (not really Christian but he is Christian to appease his parents) and they had two wedding ceremonies. They are happily married. My Hindi friend is very culturally and religiously involved and her husband is less so. They attend Easter and Christmas mass but otherwise do not go. There’s a lot of her religious paraphernalia around their house and a few bits and pieces of his here and there. He also has no interest in Hinduism as a religion but is interested in the culture and history. She does not pray for his god and he doesn’t pray for her gods. This is just the reality.

You have to figure out if you’re okay to let this be water off a ducks back or not. If you have kids with this man you will be unable to raise them without Hindu influence and if you attempt to, you’ll be stripping them of their rightful heritage.

I think you already know what to do.

VintageTeaHighHeels · 2022-04-07T19:19:19+00:00

I personally could not date a non-Christian because my faith is an integral part of me despite not regularly practicing (i.e. attending Church). I tried to date an atheist/agnostic and it was just super hard. I also want to be on the same page about what faith to raise our kids with.

Side note, but do you guys consider two different denominations of Christianity such as Catholic-Protestant or Protestant-Orthodox inter-faith? I personally don't (especially Protestant-Orthodox) but what do other Christians think?

Sankdamoney · 2022-04-07T22:23:30+00:00

Are you having sex with him? If so, he may be just having fun with you until he decides to settle down with a Hindu woman. This is common among attractive Indian and Pakistani men. If not, stay cautious and protect your heart.

MrBiscotti_75 · 2022-04-07T19:42:51+00:00

How open is he to going to church and hearing about the gospel ?

LivelyLychee · 2022-04-07T18:28:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Interreligious dating
Author	Hopecreatesmagic
Upvotes	16
Comments	43
Date	April 7, 2022 9:21 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ty948l/interreligious_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/interreligious-dating.1110928 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110928

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