Ladies I need support

CranberrySoftServe · 2024-03-24T19:32:46+00:00

"I have handled every feeding session and night waking ( many times every night ) his whole life."

Is it possible you can pump (and store in fridge) and have him do some of the nightly feedings instead of it all falling on you? As a way of "finding a way to be nicer"? It doesn't handle the weaning issue but maybe it would help assuage some of the resentment you are feeling?

ActuallyASwordfish · 2024-03-24T19:07:59+00:00

Hello! I actually JUST started night weaning around two-three weeks ago. I don’t have much advice regarding how to handle your disagreement with your hubby, but I can say the first four nights were hell.

We cosleep (we have a floor bed from Matsu store) and I’ve always just let her eat during the night to keep her asleep. Well new baby is on the way and I wanted to start getting a little more rest before having even less rest! So I decided to start the night weaning. She still gets the girls to go down, but none during night. She is 2 in April.

Anyways the first 4 nights sucked. She would wake up crying/screaming next to us and saying, “Help! Boobies! Please!” Different variations and every time I just kept my shirt down and said “Sorry baby, they’re broken :(“ she cried and was pissed for at least a few minutes but then she’d cuddle and wind back down. This was like three times a night for four days.

I held out. I tried to combat her boob love with really large meals right before bed. More filling foods during that time. On night five, she slept. No tears just cuddled when she woke and now she’s done really good every night since.

I think you need to ask him to hold out for a few days while baby adjust to the new schedule, if possible. It has been worth it!

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-03-25T05:57:50+00:00

Funnily enough, I'm having the opposite issue where my husband is wanting me to wean and I'm so reluctant to end this era.

I do not think your husband is making good points here. The stomach of a baby has expanded enough to not need night feeds when they're roughly 10 pounds. But I don't want to get into that too much. Let me break down what I think is the root of the conflict:

The responsibility your husband feels and the power he feels he has are out of wack. He clearly cares deeply about your child, and his frustration at his own limitations is being directed at you, the person whom he feels has the power.

So you have two ways to try to solve this - you either give him power or you take away responsibility.

If you take away responsibility: ask him for one week (kids tend to adjust to change in 3-4 days so this should be plenty) for you to carry out your plan and then you can reassess if it doesn't work. Say you'll take full responsibility if it doesn't work, that you won't ask for his help, you just need him to trust you and focus on getting sleep for himself. Offer to get him some earplugs or whatever. Baby crys trigger stress hormones in adults like crazy.

If you give him power: tell him he can make the final decision on this. Offer to help with finding articles on toddler weaning, offer to set up a virtual appointment with your pediatrician. If he decides against you, try not to argue with his reasoning, but ask him to explain. "Okay. If the kiddo is still walking at night a month from now, would we be willing to try something different?" "How do you think we can encourage him to self soothe?"

catcatcat000 · 2024-03-24T19:36:01+00:00

Offer him water if your husband thinks he's thirsty? There is an argument that it's better for his teeth to night wean so it's not entirely selfish either.

I was very happy to night wean each time so I feel you!

ladycheri · 2024-03-25T02:59:47+00:00

How old is your toddler? Are you sleeping through the night or is he waking frequently? This sounds like it’s wearing on you and impacting your health.

vintagegirlgame · 2024-03-25T09:27:32+00:00

Drama free way to wean for everyone is to use the bitter nail polish for nail biters. For those who have tried this technique, the kid will try both sides and decide for themselves that it’s yucky and won’t go back for more.

AutoModerator · 2024-03-24T18:27:54+00:00

Title: Ladies I need support

Author Moovmntstudnt

Full text: Please be kind if there is constructive feedback for me as I am having a really tough time.

My husband and I are having fights over my desire to wean our toddler. I have tried to start night-weaning my son twice now but each time it’s only lasted 1-2 nights and caused big middle-of-the-night fights with my husband. He becomes distressed hearing our son cry and confronts me while I am in the other room trying to help him back to sleep in other ways ( ex. Holding/cuddling/patting ).

My husband believes that because this involves our child, it should be a joint decision. His solution is to offer a pep-talk about powering through until our son decides to stop breast-feeding on his own. From what I understand of his POV, he is upholding his end of parenting by working/providing without complaining, so why can’t I just keep putting the baby first since that’s what we agreed before he was born. He suggests we shelve the issue and I continue on for a few more months and hopefully the baby stops on his own.

This is not a solution for me as i have begun experiencing negative emotions ( anxiety, impatience, anger ) during nightly breastfeeding that I do not want to let seep into my life. He doesn’t believe my emotions matter in the decision. “Why are we talking about your feelings?! This is about the baby. Why are you angry at the baby?”.

I feel guilted and shamed for admitting I am OK with denying my son the breast and letting him cry while I try to help him back to sleep through rocking, patting, singing, etc. ( its disgusting, selfish…) He will not listen to my method, read research, or help me with soothing our son to sleep in any form. It’s his opinion our son must be hungry or thirsty. Bringing up outside sources makes the discussion worse as he doesn’t like to compare our situation to anything else.

It’s been 4 days since the fight and, for me, things are very unresolved. The morning after, he told me in passing that he has “ moved past it and needs to find a way to be nicer to me”. This is where I need help because this statement from him did not resolve anything for me. I can’t forget about what was said during the fight. How he told me both times that I am disappointing his expectations by putting my wants before our child needs.

I feel numb and drained. I believe my husband and I are a team and I try act in a way that respects him. But I feel very strongly this should be my decision. It makes ME see HIM differently because he lacks compassion for my situation. I have handled every feeding session and night waking ( many times every night ) his whole life. I have never been away from the baby for more than 2 hours at a time. Whether I do something or do nothing it’s still only me who will be taking action. These are things I am scared to bring up because they sound resentful. It’s making me distant from him.

Do I just wait and hope I forget about the fight? Will my desire to be close and affectionate return with time ? Currently we are civil but quiet and have not been affectionate or intimate. I have lost all motivation i had to do the weaning process so im not actively causing him any stress with the toddler crying these days.

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inhaledpie4 · 2024-03-25T16:52:13+00:00

I wish I could help, but the only advice I can give is make sure his last meal for the day is his biggest one so he doesn't get hungry and wake up at night. It helps to give them protein and good-fat rich foods (think salmon). Weaning my daughter was hard and I went dry because of my second pregnancy. My daughter cried and cried because she didn't understand why she couldn't get milk and comfort anymore. I tried to cuddle her and pat her to bed but ultimately my husband had to take the nights for two weeks until she got used to it.

Are you still taking prenatal vitamins? Have you considered that your emotions may be connected to vitamin deficiency? For example, Vitamin D deficiency is super common this time of year, since it is often the cause of seasonal depression.

RedstarHeineken1 · 2024-03-27T17:10:35+00:00

He can bottle feed breast milk if he is so pressed over this

Title	Ladies I need support
Author	Moovmntstudnt
Upvotes	10
Comments	35
Date	March 24, 2024 6:27 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1bmrm67/ladies_i_need_support/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/ladies-i-need-support.1513255 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513255

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