Rant

Chemical-Current3965 · 2024-05-13T17:09:30+00:00

It’s a cultural misunderstanding that relationships and romance are things that just happen to a woman. It’s way harder to sell the idea that the relationship is a job in itself— something cultivated and maintained by both parties. The grass will always seem greener elsewhere, when you’re not keeping up with your own lawn.

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2024-05-13T16:57:18+00:00

The problem with posts like those is that they're inherently one-sided. We know all about his faults, but what is she doing? It is possible for her to contribute to the problem. And as my grandmother liked to say, "There's two sides to every story, and then there's the truth."

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2024-05-13T16:56:38+00:00

I sympathize. I think many people don't know how to get what they want in a relationship besides "I want this and I DESERVE this and you SHOULD be providing it for me if you love me. What, me? No I'm not perfect, but everyone's human! Here's my list of justifications that exempt me from holding myself to the same high standard."

They don't know so much, or are so much opposed to doing the work, that they can't fathom an alternative to leaving the relationship when they're unsatisfied.

Oh, also factor in the fact that many users in these relationship subs are very young people with very clear ideas on how relationships work, as they had a boyfriend in high school, you see.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-05-13T22:33:51+00:00

Women and men both romanticize divorce, though I'd say women are worse about it. It's ironic, because they statistically fair much worse. It tends to be a "misery loves comany" deal. A woman throws her marriage away, perhaps even for legitimate reasons, only to realize how much being divorced sucks. She's lonely and, if she has kids, completely exhausted. She wants friends to offer support and company, but they're all married. So when one of them mentions a problem, she jumps on the chance to get herself a fellow divorcee friend.

This might be entirely subconscious, but she'll talk up all the "me time" she gets, how she doesn't have to argue over what's on the radio or TV, or listen to him snore. She doesn't mention the stress of always being the bad guy with the kids and having no one on her team. She doesn't talk about the financial burden or the difficulty of being the only one to take care of a sick kid or wait for the electrician. She doesn't talk about the loneliness. That might poke holes in her reasoning behind the divorce, might make her seem less empowered.

I've been divorced. I was 23, cute, childless, educated, and had a damn good reason. It was still awful. Men judged me when I tried to date. My family worried about how I was handling it. I was terrified I'd never meet a good man or get the life I wanted. I'm 36 now, happily married with four kids. Divorce is in no way appealing to me. Still, when I was in my 20s, I knew several divorcees who were absolutely miserable, but talked it all up on social media while they watched Netflix in their one bedroom apartment.

Independent-Story883 · 2024-05-13T19:03:32+00:00

I would try not to get too bothered by it. I feel most of these women had poor concept of what marriage truly means. They may paint a tinted picture of what is true in the relationship - I have come to learn that women are very good at lies of omission.- so they use a silly, publicly acceptable reason to leave when they have a darker reason. Some women are just not the marrying type. Like men, their head is on a swivel and they will always look for the next branch to swing up to. When they complain, they already have the back up branch in hand. Some women are all bark and no bite. They have no intention on leaving their husbands… They just like to rant. 😜

littleladyluv · 2024-05-13T17:39:43+00:00

Because people go into marriages now, immaturely thinking it’s going to magically make them happy.

That’s literally not what marriage is for. It’s for growth and facing and confronting yourself through all the stages of life with another person. It’s painful and hard (no pun intended 😆). It is constant growing pains. I’m not married myself. I just know this from my own relationships and the growing pains I’ve gone through on my own.

It’s why I believe most people need premarital counseling or classes before they get married. The reasons I hear that women file for divorce just astounds me. I don’t believe in divorce unless there is irreparable abuse. Even infidelity is a Case by case thing in my opinion. But simply being unhappy because it’s reflecting a point of growth needed for the 2 of you? Nah. That’s not a good reason for divorce.

It’s why I just let people go on and feed their own demise. Not my problem.

Singer4182 · 2024-05-14T15:49:51+00:00

A Women posted in a Mom’s group I was in saying that Her Husband had been under a lot of stress starting a new job. He was upset that she rejected his advances and He said a couple mean comments. She specifically said He does not have a pattern of verbal abuse and they’re not speaking after the argument what can she do? “Every reply was leave him Queen He’s emotionally abusing you.” I was the only one who took a compassionate approach to the Husband and suggested a couple things to get in the mood as Her Husband started a new job and probably was seeking an emotional connection to her through sex and If that didn’t help then they should seek Couples Therapy. I was yelled at and kicked out of the group for this suggestion. The only comment that was realistic and would have helped their marriage. It was insane. So many Women encouraging breaking up marriages for no serious reason. I feel so bad for the Children of these broken Families.

throwawayaccount4547 · 2024-05-13T16:38:28+00:00

The general norm for romantic relationships is the woman is in the right and the man is in the wrong. An easy example of this is when a man is struggling with dating, he's given advice from women that he needs to do X or Y. If a woman is struggling with dating, the most common response from women is that she's beautiful and other men are just stupid for not realizing how amazing she is. It's just how female socialization is. This extends into marriage and predictably blaming everything on the husband isn't very productive and leads to misery.

Other subs don't know how to have intimate relationships or take responsibility for their contributions to the problem. A general rule of thumb is the more vulnerable and sensitive a subject is, the less likely someone is to take the blame and self reflect on what they did. Romance is a very sensitive and vulnerable subject for most people.

As for willingness to throw away a marriage, most wouldn't, but most women who post on relationship subs are 17-21, are unmarried, and are generally very immature. Mix this with ending things being an easy solve all nuke and you get the result you see.

MoonDelion · 2024-05-14T07:36:29+00:00

Oh, and the number of posts on Mother’s Day moms complaining about not getting what they wanted without actually telling their husbands what they wanted was insane

I got a few downvotes by trying to explain to those ladies that maybe having an actual conversation with their husbands (who are most likely good guys and not the horrible piece of sh*t they described) would help rather than asking man hating strangers online…

Visible-Roll-5801 · 2024-05-13T19:00:23+00:00

I think that relationship work is vulnerable and hard and so some people don’t want to make the effort. And I mean the modern age and the dilemma of choice has everything thinking the grass is greener and it’ll appear magically when that’s not really the case and the most successful marriages or relationships of any kind are successful because they’ve worked toward that

Also I think since Reddit is anonymous people take out frustrations that they can’t in their lives and judge much more harshly.

TheBunk_TB · 2024-05-13T23:15:38+00:00

Many other women are so competitive and unhappy that they will poison strangers ‘lives

valleybrook1843 · 2024-05-14T17:43:18+00:00

I understand! I try sometimes to give advice here on Reddit and some FB groups I’m a part of. I feel that I found a pill that makes you skinny and you can eat anything you want and I just want to shout it from the rooftops! I transformed my marriage after I read the Empowered wife and got some private coaching. Sometimes people are not ready to hear my advice and it takes me back not that long ago where I thought “this stuff doesn’t apply to my situation- my husband is the controlling one- I’m 90% innocent in the deterioration of my marriage.” I was so wrong and I think a lot of women are stuck where I was. It also doesn’t help that most women think that their H is a narcissist- which is a term thrown around now way too often.

Simpleflower999 · 2024-05-13T16:58:01+00:00

Because we like to demonize men in general. Self reflection is apparently hard for women so it’s easier to shame men and be in denial that we actually may be at fault and that * surprise * we’re not perfect.

throwaway_69_1994 · 2024-05-19T06:53:37+00:00

This is so so refreshing to read after spending wayyyyy too much time on angry relationship subreddits

AutoModerator · 2024-05-13T16:31:43+00:00

Title: Rant

Author Reasonable_Tie_132

Full text: It really annoys me when women on other subreddits seek marriage/relationship advice like “I’m unhappy” “my husband doesn’t care about me” “should I just leave” etc and I offer advice on how they could potentially improve things and other women jump on my comment and say “it’s not her responsibility to save her relationship.” “Her husband has been this way for 2 years she should just leave him” “she doesn’t need to have a conversation with him, she needs to get a divorce.”

…imagine being unhappy over something like your husband not doing what you had hoped in Mother’s Day and then just getting a divorce. Why is that the response of so many women? I can’t imagine most married women would be so willing to just throw away a marriage and life they’ve built like that.

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StrainPlayful2941 · 2024-05-13T23:11:43+00:00

Dominican Republic was the only state where you could file for divorce without noticing your spouse... one guy from America did it, after 4 months off marriage to his new wife. In their honeymoon.... after 20 years, when she was filled for divorce, she got her surprise reality check!

True story # fun fact!

Forsaken-Savings4370 · 2024-05-15T15:29:38+00:00

Misery loves company.

Title	Rant
Author	Reasonable_Tie_132
Upvotes	108
Comments	45
Date	May 13, 2024 4:31 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1cr3n7o/rant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/rant.1518409 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518409

Comments

True story # fun fact!