Separating from SO

TempestTcup · 2015-04-14T11:34:46+00:00

Maybe he found out that a month ago you were looking for other men "to talk to".

trent_steele2015 · 2015-04-14T12:12:46+00:00

There has got to be more to this than what you have written here. A person just doesn't swallow the pill and decide to turn his SO's life upside down.

pcadrian · 2015-04-14T17:37:01+00:00

OP, wtf are you doing on posting on r/r4r?

stillnoturday · 2015-04-14T12:17:23+00:00

"Touche! Though I never said I was completely against FWB. I said I was tired of sex being the beginning of a conversation!"

You are a joke. "baffled and hurt"

proprioceptor · 2015-04-14T17:28:07+00:00

If you have read much around this sub, you've probably noticed a lot of the advice women are given about keeping a low partner count, and not being promiscuous, and being devoted to your partner. Not only do you have a promiscuous history, you've had a promiscuous history WHILE MARRIED TO YOUR HUSBAND OF 6 YEARS!!!!

Your second step was to improve yourself, your first step was to go outside of the marriage. That speaks volumes about your personality and how you respond to crises. You've certainly shown us that you aren't a safe or dependable prospect for a relationship.

pcadrian · Tue Apr 14 11:18:03 2015 UTC

Does anyone have any decent advice on how to handle this?

Obviously if he feels that way, it's not just because of the things he is reading. He is unhappy in the relationship. If he was happy, he wouldn't feel this way. As an example, I'll tell you my situation: I joined TRP about 2 years ago, and I've been improving myself ever since. I've learned a lot of things about the true nature of women, and yet two months ago I committed to a woman that has been in my life for almost 3 years. Why? Because she has a lot of potential. I have a certain vision for our relationship, and nobody taught her much regarding how to be a woman in the context of a relationship. Her parents only taught her how to be a person, which is very different (being single and being involved with someone require two different skillsets). I introduced her to this sub, and she has been learning and applying the information religiously, so she has my commitment. The point is this: just because I read TRP, it doesn't mean I won't ever be involved with anyone beyond sex.

The best advice I can give you is to absorb everything you can from this sub (RPW), and start applying it ASAP. Obviously your husband is not getting something, you are not fulfilling some needs. It might be a good idea to elaborate on how your relationship has been rocky, but try to focus on his point of view (or at the very least try to be objective) instead of focusing on your own point of view and your own needs. When you can do that, you will be able to discover what he is missing.

If you want to save your marriage, communicate with him, tell him about this sub and your plan to become the best version of yourself in the context of your marriage. Lead him to this sub, and ask him if the types of stuff he reads here (i.e women putting in real effort in a relationship) is something that he would like to have.

Lastly, send him over to r/marriedredpill. From the sound of it (being upset about how "a woman can never provide him with the kind of love that he provides her"), he is still in the early stages of the red pill, and hasn't fully internalized it. The reality is that women simply cannot love us in the same way that we love them. The best they can do is fight their natural impulses which eventually sabotage their relationship. If he is upset about that, he still has a lot of work to do. I STRONGLY recommend you do NOT say this to him, just point him out to that sub while telling him that you are willing to work on yourself and on your relationship, so that you can both have a happy fulfilling marriage.

For any of this to work, you have to get your ego out of the way and have to stop yourself from freezing when you feel "baffled and hurt." I find that this is what a lot of women do when faced with criticism (especially from their spouse), turning themselves into the victim, which of course leads to nowhere and doesn't solve anything. It's like a stale-mate. This is one of those impulses with which you self-sabotage. I tell this to my girl all the time. You have to fight this reaction, and open your mind so you can listen if you really want to improve. The problem isn't gonna solve itself. It takes effort, and from the sound of it, your husband's point of view is that you haven't put very much effort into the marriage. You have to start now.

Good luck.

[deleted] · 2015-04-14T17:01:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TheTerrorSquad · 2015-04-14T12:58:55+00:00

Just to play devils advocate if my marriage was falling apart the last thing I would be doing is looking for something extra. You need to get your house in order before you can start with the " oh poor me my husband is such a meanie " posts

meri-dian · 2015-04-15T07:11:56+00:00

There's not a lot of info in your post, so it's very difficult to advise you.

From what you're saying, and the way you're saying it, it almost seems as though there were no problems in your marriage before your husband found TRP... ? I find that a little hard to believe.... No marriages are without problems...

Obviously he's working on his side of things (or, so it seems, since he's engaged in TRP). So, you need to clean up your side of the street. Where can you make some improvements? You say you bought "The Surrendered Wife"... So have you read it? Have you started implementing the changes in the book? From the moment I picked up that book, I immediately started seeing where I could make changes in my life... And did so.

Don't focus on what he's doing or his anger. Neither of those are going to get you anywhere. Focus on you, for responsibilities, being humble and accountable, improving yourself.

vguertin88 · 2015-04-16T00:55:32+00:00

Based on my own questions that got answered by women more experience in red pill than myself, your SO was most likely upset and hurt by your actions before red pill but he was too beta/desperate to keep you happy that he suppressed it. I know you said he was OK with it but isn't it obvious from his actions now that he really wasn't? I know, it doesn't seem fair, I'm sure you talked to him and wanted him to be honest and tell you if he was fine with everything but he lied. Or he thought he was OK with the situation until he wasn't.

If you want to try and resurrect this relationship, I would get on board with red pill. Please try and keep an open mind, this is such a good thing for a relationship, especially a marriage. I feel like a different wife, surrendering and letting my captain lead. The great thing is that my captain takes his role very seriously (because I take my role seriously) and he wants my opinion on decisions. If this is the way your husband is rolling now, the only way you will keep him is by jumping on board. Red pill men do not stay with women who won't let them lead.

Talk to your SO, offer him a sincere apology about the past indiscretions. You may need to over compensate at first to show him you're serious. Set aggressive goals for yourself about changing your behavior.

This is not about changing yourself or your personality. It's about enhancing your relationship. I hope this helps. I think a healthy marriage is the most important thing for both parties involved and the children. Your children need to grow up seeing that you respect their father and that he loves their mother. I hope that helps.

Red-Zen · 2015-04-14T19:18:44+00:00

Does anyone have any decent advice on how to handle this?

Have you asked him what he wants?

profeyn · 2015-04-14T17:00:16+00:00

If he feels that way, chances are it was caused by your behaviour towards him during your marriage. You messed up somewhere (or everywhere) and need to be honest with yourself if you want to improve. Furthermore, unless you provide more info, nobody here would be able to help you.

meri-dian · 2015-04-17T22:12:34+00:00

Thanks for the update. I was wondering about you. If you ever want to talk about the book, send me a PM..

Title	Separating from SO
Author	SassyAshley8309
Upvotes	12
Comments	59
Date	April 14, 2015 9:52 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/32jou6/separating_from_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/separating-from-so.85312 https://theredarchive.com/post/85312

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