Simple Questions

orangesalt · 2016-02-29T00:16:59+00:00

I've been looking for girl friends to be with, especially after dropping my male buddies. What traits should I look for if I want consistent, dependable company?

edit – I realised that my post was very vague. Here's the elaboration:

Previously I had little faith in female friends in general, because the ones I chose were very flaky and non-committal, or are part of cultures that I want nothing to do with. It may also be helpful to include that I used to be in an all-girls elementary school, and the bullying was a fairly traumatic experience. I went to a male-majority secondary school after that, which led to the male buddies situation.

I don't want those things to hold me back from developing a healthy social circle with other girls. However I don't know what I'm doing wrong, and there must be something because I'm getting the same disappointing result each time. Are there actions I can take to correct my own tendencies that attract these kinds of girls?

SeasideJune · 2016-02-26T16:39:35+00:00

I've seen conversations float around multiple times where a member might gently reprimand another for using the phrase "now I let him ___". The member would point out that the other shouldn't feel like they're "letting" or "allowing" him do anything as "letting" is parent-like.

This always makes me do a double take, because I use that phrasing sometimes. Say, purely for the sake of a silly example, that I hate when my SO wears orange. Imagine I usually tell him so whenever he wears it. But I finally realize that he loves the colour and I come to terms with the fact that what he wears isn't my concern nor under my control. I tell myself: "No, June, let him wear whatever he wants." And that sentence is about me recognizing that I was unfairly controlling him in a parenting way, but when I "let him," I let go. I actively stop my wrongful nagging and let him be himself. I understand that my controlling was parent-like, while my letting go is not. My letting go is me parenting myself, me improving myself.

I'm confused as to what's wrong with the phrasing. Doesn't "letting him" show self awareness and good relationship practice? Thoughts? Help? Interpretations?

EDIT: I posted here as this is just a mind-wandering and so I don't feel like it warrants a full post. Mods, if this is too long winded for here, please correct me :)

CharmingChica · 2016-02-29T01:03:55+00:00

Sorry in advance for TMI stuff but how do I learn how to please my boyfriend? Most girls go to Cosmo and other girly magazines but I've heard a couple guys and even my boyfriend say that advice is crap lol I just feel bad because he's pretty amazing and I have no clue what I'm doing. Does it just come with experience or something?

StingrayVC · 2016-02-26T15:39:49+00:00

What is the recommended guidance for women whose SO may not like their friends? Like very close friends.

tintedlipbalm · 2016-02-26T17:12:44+00:00

I have night terrors, they're stemming from the ptsd I suffered from and only happen once or twice a month now compared to the nightly ones I use to have. They usually wake me up in a full sweat, feeling sick & shaking. I had one last night and SO wanted to have some " adult time " this morning. I just couldn't find myself being in the mood so I politely said no and why. He was obviously upset.. He went to " handle " things him self. I'm not sure how to handle this situation and now I suddenly feel bad. Sorry for tmi, just need good advice.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2016-02-27T18:32:14+00:00

How do you ladies keep track of goal setting and habit making? I wanna make a real effort this time for lasting changes.

Rowboat14 · 2016-02-27T19:40:01+00:00

Do you need a flair to be able to upvote/downvote on this sub? Just noticed that I can't do either. :)

tintedlipbalm · 2016-02-28T19:36:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

littleteafox · 2016-03-02T16:24:42+00:00

Hmm I've been thinking lately about the whole "honeymoon stage" thing and how to do my best to keep it going as long as possible. One of the things that truly scares me is being married and ending up like most of the people I know: unhealthy, overworked, too busy, chaotic, messy, merely tolerating their husband for the sake of their kids and for the money (or for the chance of sex for the husband) - no spark is left, no joy, passion, delight in each other's presence. Maybe it's silly of naive of me to expect that to last forever, but maybe it can. I don't know.

Maybe this could be its own post too, but I've been trying to think of ways to help make this possible. The first thing that comes to mind is maybe doing some sort of gratitude/relationship journal, where I write down all the things I love and admire about him that day, plus any other relationship thoughts/concerns. Then maybe at the end of the week, or month, I can review everything to a.) keep my hamster in check (I can't believe I made such a big deal about ____, looking back it was nothing) and b.) REMEMBER the good stuff. How easily we forget the good and remember the one negative thing that happened in the past week. Why do we do this to ourselves? He's done so many wonderful things for me so far, I want to make sure I remember them and treasure them, and if/when there are times when I need to I can go back and remember the good stuff.

Do you think this is overkill? Am I crazy?

tintedlipbalm · 2016-02-27T02:33:19+00:00

Wanted to get a bit of advice on a situation if possible please!

Theres a dude who works at the leisure centre I frequent. I say hi/how are you occasionally when we bump into each other but more in a polite way as I'm a regular at the centre.

Recently out of the blue he messaged me on fb (he added me a few months prior) asking if I want to see a show w/ him as he has a spare ticket going. I replied yes and we set up the time; I had been reading Laura Doyle's book about accepting dates when you normally wouldn't as long as the guy doesn't have glaring red flags so I thought why not, especially since I don't have much experience in it!

This sounds awful and flakey but I'm kinda not feeling it anymore (he asked a few days ago, the show's in 4/5 days time), and I'm wondering if I should decline now rather than go when I'm not feeling it? It'd be a waste of time for both of us :/

(reasons why I'm not feeling it: the guy is nice enough and although I don't know him very well, through our few (rather short) interactions I get the feeling that he's a bit of the nice/low dominance/hesitant sort and it's almost off-putting/repulsive; honestly the more I think about it the more I'm dreading going).

I know this sounds really flakey and AWALT-y and not the type of behaviour that is encouraged here, but what do I do? I don't want to regret not knowing because he could be an dominant/decent guy and we could click but I can't shake off the feelings of not wanting to hang around him for so long (the play would be 1-2hrs) and it won't be fair on him either.

gabilromariz · 2016-02-29T21:22:16+00:00

My boyfriend is joining the workforce soon and I was thinking of giving him a fancy edition of a book that would have good advice for him. He already has the "standarts" of 48Laws and "No more Mr. Nice Guy". Does anyone have ideas?

littleteafox · 2016-03-01T17:55:28+00:00

I've seen memes on facebook where people describe the ideal marriage as "being married to your best friend" and for some reason it has always rubbed me the wrong way, but I can't put my finger on why. I feel like we've talked about it here before but can't seem to find topics on it.

Does it bother anyone else? I feel like "wife" is something very different from "best friend"

TheRealPeggyCarter · 2016-03-01T20:33:00+00:00

I would like some advice on how long to "wait" for a guy. That's not the best wording so let me explain:

I met a guy online back in February. We've been on 4 dates since, averaging one a week. I'm good with that - we discussed on date 3 how we're both looking to take things slow. Last I saw him was two weeks ago, where he said we should see each other the following week and I said that sounded good. The past week comes and goes and no word from him. I had in my mind somewhat written him off as losing interest - I liked him but no biggie, I've been faded on before. Then yesterday, he asks me out for dinner later this week.

I see two sides to this. In his defense, he was busy last week - he had been planning a trip to see his family, and it was his birthday. On the other, would it have taken too much time to send a quick "hey this week turned out crazy for me but I hope we can get together next week!" text? I'm trying to apply more of a RPW mindset to my dating life, but I don't want guys to think I'm a doormat. Any outside opinions? Is there a length of no-contact time after which you write someone off?

Rebbeca44 · 2016-03-01T23:30:25+00:00

Ok so my boyfriend spread some rumors about me and has been refusing to talk to me about it, I really love him but should I break up with him? He really took advantage of my feelings and I'm not sure what to do.

Title	Simple Questions
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	64
Date	February 26, 2016 3:26 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/47phah/simple_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/simple-questions.86016 https://theredarchive.com/post/86016

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