Why do the men I date eventually become complacent?

soulful-me · 2024-12-12T15:10:25+00:00

I'm kinda old school, if he's paying most of the pills, he doesn't need to 50/50 your house chores, yes he must help you if he can. but it's not a mandatory 24/7 , you should change the frequency of dating nights, quality time tho if you really admire acts of service, you could suggest some fun ones like doing your favourite drink or baking , i mean they are less boring than dishes

RedPillDad · 2024-12-12T01:58:07+00:00

Low effort can mean low interest. Some guys are very interested up to the point of sexual conquest, then it's as if a switch was flicked off.

The one that puts in more effort by contributing 'acts of love' tends to get more oxytocin rewards and falls deeper in love.

Security can foster complacency. A steady paycheck is the drug that puts most people to sleep. Their passion dwindles, their effort falls off and their dreams wither away. Relationships can be the same. I guy thinks he finally cracked the code and slacks off.

Another thing is that some people are weak at relationships. They can get someone into bed but struggle to grow things much beyond that.

NationalMouse · 2024-12-11T22:34:30+00:00

What do you mean you’re left with chores? Are you living with these boyfriends? Or going to their place and doing their chores for them? I ask because 23 is still quite young to be living with someone but I would advise not living with someone until you at least have a ring from him. That’s a huge reason these guys, being young themselves I assume, get comfortable so fast and start taking advantage of having someone clean up after them. An important part about being a woman that you may or may not have learned since you’re so young and living together already is that it’s important to still maintain a bit of mystery about yourself. And men also have a lot to learn about being a man and being on his own, too. I didn’t even think about living with my SO until I was 25 and ready to start dating for marriage.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2024-12-12T00:59:31+00:00

There's a big difference between him not contributing to chores versus the courtship phase of a relationship ending.

For the former, he could be simply lazy or it might be depression or exhaustion, these things present VERY differently in men.

As for comments around him not pursuing you, it sounds like that phase of the relationship has run its course.

flower_power_g1rl · 2024-12-12T05:51:00+00:00

Move out.

Or, here's an alternative option:

After dinner, go out and have fun by yourself or with your friends. Don't mention if he didn't do the dishes. Just smile to him and mention how much fun you had had. Try to really connect with him. DO NOT do the dishes. When he does them, thank him for it! Tell him how good it makes you feel to see a clean kitchen especially so you can cook in it...

Personally, I can't cook until the dishes are all done. It's gross! You can adopt this and let him know. "When I want to cook, it really helps me that there is a clean sink. If not, I just can't cook." You say it calmly/with a smile so he can't protest. Be nice about it but don't waver. If he says "Why don't you just do the dishes?" You can either say "I don't want to/I don't like to" or "It helps me a lot when you do it."

On other days, be unavailable for dinner. Leave the house to do stuff on your own especially at dinner time so he will fend for himself. Ask him to cook you something specific on some days. Tell him in the morning/lunch time how much you're craving _____ dish, ask him to make it, so he will have plenty of time to prepare. DO NOT hover over his preparation. Ideally, get busy with something not in the kitchen. Let him surprise you (yes even though you asked for it).

Men stop putting in grand efforts when they stop being in their masculine. This happens either because you don't let them (you have let his efforts go unappreciated), or because the sexual polarity has diminished. You might not even notice that you are doing the former. As for the latter, you can search videos about masculine/feminine polarity in YouTube. You can amp up your feminine energy according to those videos. Slowly but surely, he will up his game.

Hartley7 · 2024-12-11T22:36:42+00:00

When a man’s effort goes down, that’s when you need to dial back your efforts and become less available to him.

You also need to let them know that you’re not willing to tolerate the lack of effort. They can either step up or not. It’s up to them. If there is no change after this discussion then it’s time to walk away. Never beg a man to make an effort with you. You’re very young and you have plenty of time to find someone who is consistent.

I have been with my fiancé for nearly 3 years and he still sweeps me off my feet. My ex husband barely made any effort no matter how many times I asked.

CrotaLikesRomComs · 2024-12-12T11:39:18+00:00

I’m not here to give advice. Idk how to fix it on your side of the relationship. I am a man. However I will tell you what the thought process is. One it is a part of what you think it is. Laziness. Another is the big fat lie that society tells us in that we don’t need to date our significant others once we are in love. Another is because society tells us that love should be unconditional, we get cozy and comfortable in the relationship and we stop trying to be that stoic man you fell in love with. We find it childish and pathetic to be constantly puffing our chest out trying to be better than the men around us. When in actuality, women want us to be stoic and confident at all times.

Bunny0498 · 2024-12-13T14:24:48+00:00

Been in those situations.

If guys tell you to love them unconditionally, they are plain lazy and you were one of their conquest.

Relationships require (daily) efforts! It is like growing a plant. The day I stop watering it or taking care of it...it starts to dry up, get sick and eventually die.

My husband recently told me he loves me unconditionally, but that's different because I know for a fact that every day I put efforts to maintain the relationship! I give him words of affirmation, and shower him with other love languages so that he knows he is loved by me, as I vowed to be a good wife to my husband.

If your partner is not putting the same efforts as you are, it's time to ask yourself if you want to stay in a relationship which the person is only doing the bare minimum/who you are just setting with.

You are young! 23! There are definitely bigger fish for you. Don't settle.

Hope this helps you.

Top-Break6703 · 2024-12-11T23:09:25+00:00

Have you heard Alison Armstrong talk about frog farming?

AutoModerator · 2024-12-11T22:18:31+00:00

Title: Why do the men I date eventually become complacent?

Author Simple_Basket_8224

Full text: I’m 23F. Have been in a couple long term relationships. It always starts good.. the men are very in love with me, kind, very giving.

After around a year, they suddenly stop doing a lot of things they did before. Dishes pile up and I’m left with a lot of the chores. They stop taking care of themselves as much. Stop taking me out on dates. They are still sweet in a cozy way, they still are affectionate and loving. But the acts of service diminish a LOT. I know a little of this is common. I get more comfortable too, but not to the extent that I don’t care about still “wooing” the person I am dating.

I don’t know how to ask for this, either. I have directly said this a couple times before in relationships, and they usually freak out and think that I don’t unconditionally accept them or something. Or they will listen, get better at it and then within a week it’s back to what it was.

Is this just the reality of long term relationships? I want to be cozy but I don’t want us to be mutually lazy. I still want there to be effort, I still want to feel like they are attracted to me and seek out time to be with me.

Is there any possible solutions? Do we need more space as a couple? Etc.

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BothAnybody1520 · 2024-12-13T01:07:27+00:00

Positive reinforcement versus negative reinforcement.

Negative reinforcement doesn’t work on men if your goal is to get them to do extra. Negative reinforcement will only work on them in a way that gets them to do something when that reinforcement is so unbearable. It’s just easier to do the task.

Now positive reinforcement on the other hand, men are dramatically more likely to do things when you constantly tell/show them how much you appreciate them when they do it.

ZombieUnicorn1013 · 2024-12-12T01:54:30+00:00

Keep mentioning it to him when you notice it say “you’re doing it again” so he’s aware of what he’s messing up on. Communication is key in any relationship. Once I learned this my marriage got so much better. When he starts to get lazy again it probably slipped his mind. You gotta constantly remind them until it is engraved and also use words like “it’ll mean alot to me if… (ex. You wash the dishes after dinner)

Title	Why do the men I date eventually become complacent?
Author	Simple_Basket_8224
Upvotes	29
Comments	23
Date	December 11, 2024 10:18 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1hc5rd8/why_do_the_men_i_date_eventually_become_complacent/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/why-do-the-men-i-date-eventually-become-complacent.1538253 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538253

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