Why not issue ultimatums?

MenLoveBitches · 2018-02-17T22:20:03+00:00

There's nothing wrong with being blunt if it's effective on that individual and will help you achieve your goals. The thing is that many blue-pilled people have no idea what they want, or don't have such clearly outlined goals, and will be put off by someone who does.

It'll also shatter their illussion of being special and coming to these sorts of decisions spontaneously. They might feel used to fulfill a goal, which will definitely shatter their fantasy that they're a unique human being born deserving of unconditional love and not just another replicant spit out from the factory to serve the goals of elites playing a global game of chess. Ahem.

As such, even if you have a clear goal like this in mind, it may need to be brought up in a way where the other person still retains some of their snowflakiness in some way. "I didn't know if I'd ever want to settle down with anyone until I met you," etc. Maybe it has to be made to look like his decision. You get the idea.

Arima779 · 2018-02-18T22:13:58+00:00

If I issued an ultimatum to my husband he'd issue me divorce papers. Commanding a man to give you a house 3 kids and 2 vacations a year is quite asinine. You EARN those things from a man. It's ok to set a general timeline and bring stuff up in a blunt way but if you want a real man he won't take kindly to "ultimatums"

Ironic_Gangster · 2018-02-18T05:01:05+00:00

It's not that you shouldn't issue an ultimatum, it's that you should realize the consequences of it. An ultimatum is the ultimate shit test. You administer a shit test of this size and you risk two things. 1. The guy passes your shit test by not allowing you to take frame of the relationship permanently. This will only lead to you breaking up. 2. The guy fails your shit test, the relation ship goes on but you take control of it and this will inevitably lead to you resenting his weakness and his demonstration of lower status. Your attraction for him will decrease dramatically.

Rian_Stone · 2018-02-17T22:32:35+00:00

An ultimatum is "do it, or else"

Its usually a desperate play by someone without any power in the situation. I don't see how any healthy resolution would come of it.

husheveryone · 2018-02-17T22:37:15+00:00

“Overcommunicating” with words is just not an attractive look on a woman, ever. The very masculine sounding ultimatum you’ve written here is something perhaps to silently think, but should you ever have cause to actually say something this manly, blunt, and unattractive, then it means you are in the wrong relationship IF it’s a very time-sensitive marriage with kids and you as SAHM that you want. The right Captain does not ever need to be sold to in such a heavy-handed manner because he will see your value, and will take action on his own initiative to take you off the dating market.

Try subtlety and an exceedingly light, feminine touch, and always be alluring. Something as sacred as a marriage proposal should never be the result of nagging, which is how an ultimatum comes across.

Kiddingyoself · 2018-02-17T22:18:11+00:00

It may be an issue of semantics. Being very clear, not wasting time, and not settling for less than you want, is advisable. Communicating it in a way that wouldn't be described as an ultimatum, even if that is arguably what it is, is probably also advisable.

Again, may be semantics, but I feel like if you've picked the right captain, "ultimatums" won't be necessary.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-02-18T18:41:30+00:00

What if a man said to you “I want a woman that restricts her calorie count to 1500 a day, and will go running 2-3x a week. I want a woman who will give sex at least 3x a week. I want a woman who will be domestic and submissive, and do the majority of the housework without nagging or complaining.”

It sounds off putting and demanding when it’s directly stated doesn’t it? But we all know most men would likely prefer these qualities. If you have to directly state things like this, it’s a sign that you are bad at getting them without issues them as commands. Most people don’t like to feel trapped within a set of parameters, they like to feel freedom. These parameters take away that freedom.

ManguZa · 2018-02-17T22:11:10+00:00

Or you can ask politely.

noheaking · 2018-02-17T23:47:09+00:00

There's a difference between being direct about your intentions and threatening someone to go along with them.

SmamelessMe · 2018-02-21T10:09:01+00:00

It's important to make sure your partner knows your expectations of the relationship. One partner being ready to settle down and looking for someone to start family with, and the other still being in non-commitment phase, will not make anyone happy.

Politely asking what the other person's plans are, after sharing your own, is a normal, healthy communication. Giving you the opportunity to leave the relationship if you don't find their plans compatible with your life goals.

Ultimatums on the other hand are: "IDGAFF about your life plans. Put a ring on it, and babies in me, or else." It has nothing to do with what both partners genuinely want. It is one partner enforcing their vision of partnership over the other. That is neither healthy, nor long-term stable.

tl;dr: There is a significant difference between making your expectations known, making a decision not to remain in partnership with person that does not have compatible life plans, and between forcing someone to change their life plans to match your own by threats.

NewMindRedPill · 2018-02-21T16:22:08+00:00

I think you can communicate certain things in a charming manner rather than a forward manly manner. Also you can see early by simply observing if he is in the marriage mindset.

I am pretty good at telling at what stage a guy is in his life. If he is in the career phase vs family phase.

If he is in the career stage he will talk a lot about money, fancy cars, travel, etc. And all the plans are easy to imagine in terms of how long they would take to accomplish based on finding out where he is in his career and financially. If his goals seem like they would take 7 years and you want to marry in 3 years well...

If he is in the family building stage of his life he will not talk so much about material possessions because he has them or doesn't want them. Growing in his career is important but he might not say why beyond having money and he is more likely to be frugal. He might mention wanting to buy a house. If he mentions how he wants a yard, nice neighborhood, several rooms, etc. He is more in the family building stage.

Another way to tell is to point out a cute toddler/baby who is doing something cute Say aww he just did X. Career man will say it was cute and pretty quickly turn back to you. Family man might take more time to look and might even comment. If he starts talking about "when I have kids..." you have a family man. Now the more he is interested in kids and financially secure the sooner you have potential of marriage + kids.

Now that you've determined there is a large amount of potential you can invest in more time. Saying your "ultimatum" early on will make you seen rough and not very charming. I simply charm when I say what I want and its very effective. Paint a picture, a dream, with your words. Make him want what you want.

[deleted] · 2018-02-17T23:34:05+00:00

Honestly? Ultimatums should never be given unless that person is fully ready to have the other person bail. Far better to have a discussion and approach it with something like “I don’t think I can be happy in life without X”. This opens a dialogue instead of closing a door.

will_code_for_peanut · 2018-02-18T13:28:36+00:00

Marriage is the worst thing a successful man can do in 21st century

Rivkariver · 2018-02-18T20:00:51+00:00

I don’t see how sharing with a guy that you want marriage and family one day is an ultimatum. Guys you date should always know early on that you don’t date just to pass the time.

An ultimatum is dating him for a year and saying propose by this month or else I leave.

RubyWooToo · 2018-02-19T08:21:57+00:00

Taking this approach with a man that you just started dating is like interviewing for an entry-level job and insisting that you be made CEO within a year.

There is an important distinction to be made between communicating your life goals and issuing demands.

Whisper · 2018-02-17T23:59:05+00:00

The response is going to be:

"I have the goal of finding a wife to have children with myself. Do you have any nice friends who aren't on the autism spectrum?"

adirp · 2018-02-19T23:38:25+00:00

What do you think?

I would think you are a female Terminator from the future.

Title	Why not issue ultimatums?
Author	MGTOWManofMystery
Upvotes	9
Comments	30
Date	February 17, 2018 9:45 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7y9pk6/why_not_issue_ultimatums/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/why-not-issue-ultimatums.74275 https://theredarchive.com/post/74275

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