Is it normal to fixate on altering my body after a relationship with a porn addict?

pretty_kill · 2021-04-12T01:30:26+00:00

Okay there’s a lot going on here, but realize that tv/movies/porn/media in general is not realistic. You need to take mental steps to accept your body as it is. Yes you can diet and exercise or build muscle or gain weight, but plastic surgery is extreme imo. I am not against it completely, but you should try to love yourself as you are first. Almost all the stuff you see is edited, touched up, or with the models using deceiving poses. Comparing yourself to other women is actually imo comparative to inflicting violence on your mental well being. It’s not fair in any way and will only make you feel bad.

Secondly, don’t ever let a man or the male gaze determine your attractiveness. No matter how you look, men will criticize you. They criticize skinny women, overweight women, women with big boobs, women with small boobs, and everyone in between. For every man that vocally criticizes your look, there’s dozens that will gladly love those same features about a woman. Only the most immature men care if you look photoshop perfect, and they’re in for a big shock when they realize even the models don’t look that perfect in real life (not that they’d ever get one anyways lol).

So basically no one is going to see your private parts but you and your future partner. Don’t feel bad about these features, learn to love them, and only settle for a man who loves them too.

It sounds like your ex did a number on your self confidence and self esteem. He is trash, also a porn sick. Him not performing is his fault because porn addiction causes ED in men.

Please take steps to heal yourself, your self confidence, and self esteem. You are worthy of love, happiness, and respect. It doesn’t matter what your body looks like or how conventionally attractive you are. All women are beautiful in their own way. I’m sure you are great regardless, and many men would love to be with you. But please take steps to not make men be the deciding factor in your self esteem. It should come from you finding yourself beautiful, because you are.

NotSoSmartChick · 2021-04-12T04:22:23+00:00

It still hurts me to know that a part of imperfect part of my body triggered such subpar treatment.

He was a porn addict. Even if he worshipped your breasts, he would have made you feel less than. That’s just how it is with porn addicts. There is no living up to this ideal they’ve created by watching extreme filth.

I see the attention women women those perfect chests receive, and I just want to be admired and desired in that same way.

These girls with perfect breasts get slapped, choked, spit on, double penetrated, fisted, gang banged. They get humiliated and degraded and filmed so that men everywhere can masturbate to it.

It wasn’t your breasts that left him unable to perform. He’s pornsick. Pornsick men are lousy lays. What they’re good at is making the woman feel like it’s her fault he can’t perform.

Previous-Focus-2013 · 2021-04-12T05:38:26+00:00

The fact that men sleep with women they find barely their type is infuriating. Your chest might not be perfect but it’s not that much of a problem when you’re with someone who’s into you.

I’m sorry you’re going through this but the guy you were with had porn addiction and the women he was masturbating to had fake everything. He was sick and unable to be with a normal woman as a result and it’s not about you.

NiBBasBeCrazy · 2021-04-12T08:30:01+00:00

My heart goes out to you. I’m willing to bet you’re a beautiful and wonderful human being.

Fuck that guy, honestly fuck that guy. He’s a piece of trash that wasn’t worthy of your love.

A lot of women went through exactly what you went through, myself included. My ex also made me feel like shit about my body, the way I dress, my hair.

You know what? Fuck him. It doesn’t matter what he says or thinks, that’s a reflection of who HE is, and not who YOU are.

I’d say this. Try to do activities that would make you fall in love with your body. Yoga, exercise, meditation. Taking baths and exfoliating, doing your nails etc.

Don’t think or look at other women, their beauty doesn’t mean the absence of your own. And know that once you begin to love your body, which is a temple, you’ll feel so empowered.

I still have insecurities of course. But when people tell me I’m “too short, too pasty, need a tan, need to cut my hair” and bla bla bla, I just look the other way. I love me and that’s more than enough.

You should fall in love with you, and cherish your body. Especially us women, we’re such wonderful creatures with the ability to create and nurture life. I cannot think of something more beautiful ❤️

okeyda · 2021-04-12T10:22:12+00:00

My boobs look similar to how you describe yours. I like them now though, whereas before I used to fixate on fixing them because of all the messages telling me they weren't perfect. I've even had women say bad shit about "saggy tits". Just despicable.

It might be harsh, but I don't mind that people have preferences. For instance, I have aesthetic preferences when it comes to penises. I don't think that's wrong. But I won't put up with anything but absolute adoration. It's okay if some won't, but then they don't deserve to be with me. I know that many men will love mine, and those men are who I want to be with.

I think accepting that is important too, but that it doesn't mean you're not beautiful and desirable. I know for a fact no alterations are needed and I'm sorry you've been made to feel that way. You and your boobs deserve nothing but adoration. Porn sick men ruin themselves as much as they're capable of ruining someone's self-esteem, and they don't deserve to be graced by any boobs.

Fuck this guy and everyone like him.

CaliforniaKed · 2021-04-12T11:35:44+00:00

How old is he and he has a poster on his wall?

Sea_Soil · 2021-04-12T12:50:17+00:00

Porn addicts will never be satisfied, by ANY woman. Even if you did look just like those in the videos, he would inevitably get bored and seek out something new and novel.

It's a symptom of the brain damage they've acquired. Porn literally damages the dopamine receptors in he brain. It makes it extremely difficult to feel normal feelings, and pleasure, when you should and so they constantly have to seek out more for that next "hit".

Check out this TEs talk, The Great Porn Experiment.it lets you know just how serious and brain damaging porn really is. These men are literally ruined.

On surgery, do you want to have children someday? If so, getting breast augmentation can prevent you from being able to breastfeed, which is reccomended ubiquitously and by the World Health Organization as incredibly crucial and much healthier for an infant's development than formula to the point where it can impact the baby for the rest of it's life. Ive struggling with wanting an augmentation too, but I realized that no mans orgasm is worth my future children's health. None.

Ancient-Cucumber · 2021-04-12T12:17:30+00:00

I am really sorry that you went through this! I just want to tell you that your ex was the problem, not you. We all have imperfections, but we all deserve to be loved and treated with respect, no matter what. Your ex was getting off of making you feel bad by comparison, I don't know if he was a narcissist or not, but this is called ''narcissistic triangulation'' :

''Triangulation is common in romantic relationships, too. The narcissist brings in a third person — an ex-partner or a colleague at work — either literally or abstractly, to create insecurity and shift the power balance within the relationship towards themselves.

Perhaps they keep their ex in the relationship by making sure you know that their ex wants them back. Or they pay more attention to their hot colleague than you on the work night out. Triangulation can be subtle or blatant, but its aims are the same: keeping power with the narcissist.''. Source:

https://medium.com/beautiful-hangover/this-is-what-narcissistic-triangulation-looks-like-a70b15fcac26

No matter how perfect a woman is, if she ends up with the wrong guy, she will be treated badly and made to feel less than. Even if your ex was fawning over those big chested woman, it was not love, or respect, it was just objectification. Don't think that if he ended up with one of those he would suddenly turn into a good guy and do all the right things.

His lack of performance in the bedroom was tied to him being PSLD (Porn Sick Limp Dick). They can't perform well with a real person. They are addicted to watching porn, they can't get properly aroused outside of that and it has nothing to do with the woman.

BabyGothQ · 2021-04-12T12:46:50+00:00

Sounds like you already had self-esteem issues from before this relationship. He just amplified them and violently cattle-prodded you with it.

Ask yourself about your past relationships, your parents, your childhood. What messages did you get from the past that would make you vulnerable to this treatment from this new guy?

Also, please dump him and be single. Give yourself oil massages in the mirror, take sexy photos for yourself, masturbate romantically, IDK, get in there and love your body.

It’s not about him, this is about you. You are the priority.

Title	Is it normal to fixate on altering my body after a relationship with a porn addict?
Author	SignificantCap8064
Upvotes	54
Comments	10
Date	April 12, 2021 12:59 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askfds/comments/mp3j93/is-it-normal-to-fixate-on-altering-my-body-after-a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/is-it-normal-to-fixate-on-altering-my-body-after-a.1629328 https://theredarchive.com/post/1629328

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