I have a drinking problem

NoMoreMrNiceJay · 2023-07-17T15:45:08+00:00

You have a drinking problem. You know it, all your friends know it so does your wife. So you are known as an alcoholic/drunkard.

Typically, one goes to rehab or AA to get their shit in order you know OWN THEIR SHIT. Instead you are trying to assess your wifes current load to know wether she could possibly "support" you. Aka you want your wife to deal with your problems for you.

Also she is/was fucking someone else. Your response to this is what? Drink more until you are numb and hope she doesn't catch you/get more mad at your unattractive behaviour?

Imagine you had a backbone, what would you do?

KagedRageius · 2023-07-17T15:39:49+00:00

Literal drunk captain.

Do what you need to do (remove all alcohol, find a group, etc) to sort your shit out without involving her. She’s not your mother.

themostgianthorse · 2023-07-17T15:58:25+00:00

“How much of this struggle should I share with my wife?”

She’s known for a long time man. This is a you problem so STFU around your wife.

I spent time in inpatient, outpatient, therapy and a few overnights in jail all due to my habit. I tried AA, the Sinclair method, CBT, DBT, EMDR and numerous SSRIs, benzos, beta blockers and other methods over my 16 year struggle.

Nothing worked until I changed my thinking. I drank because I was anxious and depressed and not equipped to deal with life. Once I realised that drinking as a crutch kept me being a giant fucking pussy, I was able to start to change my behaviour. When I changed my thinking and behaviour, the anxiety and depression were drastically diminished. I found a mentor in one of the moderators of the NMMNG Facebook group who was instrumental in guiding me through the process and I made more progress with him in 90 days than I had in 16 years. He wrote this book. Check it out..

My life looks completely different now and I haven’t been drunk in years. There is no desire.

You may at this point be thinking “good for you but what about me?”. You are not a special butterfly. You absolutely MUST change your thinking. Drinking is a buffer.

ur_fault · 2023-07-17T17:40:20+00:00

I don't want to go to AA or rehab

but

This has been a problem for me for years

so instead you want to

she could help me if I could talk to her about it but I don’t know if she can handle it or would even care to

Bro, the first idea you had about getting YOURSELF sober without AA/rehab was to offload the responsibility onto your wife.

Go to AA you fucking retard.

Take responsibility for your own shit.

sicrm · 2023-07-17T15:33:02+00:00

you already got ILYBINILWY, then you got caught like you’re one of her kids, and you’re still thinking of talking to her more about it?

jjj2576 · 2023-07-17T16:17:17+00:00

Hello, I’m jjj2576, and I’m an Alcoholic.

Had a 74 day streak recently— I relapsed, and I am back at Day 4.

During my 74 day streak of not drinking, I started to focus on my drinking in Therapy, but decided against AA and outpatient therapy with a Drug & Alcohol Abuse Counselor/Expert. I relapsed recently, and am back to Day 4 of not drinking— I regret allowing the Alcohol to convince me that, “I got this under control without all of the resources available.”

Alcohol is a powerful force— plenty of folks believe it’s a disease or genetic, and while I don’t know if that’s true, I know it’s at least as powerful as a genetic disease. You have so little Frame right now that you know what your Goal is, but are stutter-stepping on how to pursue it.

The weird thing is that you aren’t even in your Wife’s Frame, because you are too drunk to understand what her Frame is.

You are in Alcohol’s Frame. You are in the Frame of a non-sentient buffer. You are vain enough to believe you are able to control your drinking without AA and all of the resources available. Don’t like AA? Then Google alternative support groups. Don’t want a mentor through social media? Then get one elsewhere.

You are supplicating the Alcohol’s Frame by refusing to exhaust every possible option. You are so deep in Alcohol’s Frame that you do not even want your Wife to see your Growth & Improvement in this realm— you even allowed Alcohol’s Frame to create an excuse for buying a book to help yourself.

You are allowing Alcohol’s Frame to tell you, “You got this under control. You are fine. Fuck AA. Fuck asking folks for help— they’ll think less of you anyway. Really consider what folks would think about your honesty with your alcohol abuse, dude. They’ll hate you, and it’ll cause everyone to think you have less Value.”

You want to ask your wife for help, but you haven’t been able to help yourself yet. It sounds like you want your wife to do the work for you when it comes to your alcohol abuse.

DM me if you want some resources.

deerstfu · 2023-07-17T17:25:32+00:00

You need professional help. Seek it through AA, rehab, your primary doctor who can refer you, whatever. You do not need to involve your wife beyond saying, "I'm not drinking anymore." If she's not an alcoholic, you may find she doesn't want to drink when you don't anyways.

Your plan is probably to just cut down and apply self control so you don't drink "too much". If that worked, you wouldn't be an alcoholic, which you are.

wrld_industries · 2023-07-18T00:32:33+00:00

Go to AA you dumb fuck. That’s your best chance. Not a damn thing wrong with it

Sonic_Uth · 2023-07-18T03:25:47+00:00

I am in AA. Every single person in the program wishes they got their shit together sooner.

If you’re asking this question, your life is more unmanageable than you’re willing to admit. You’ll realize it when you’re ready.

redwall92 · 2023-07-17T15:46:58+00:00

Don't turn to your wife for support on this issue. Unattractive af if mommy has to help you on this one.

Hit a local AA meeting. Easy answer. Why don't you want to do that? Go to a regularly scheduled meeting once or twice a week. Make progress. There's already a system in place. Take advantage of it; you don't have to be an inventor here.

james-the-professor · 2023-07-18T03:41:51+00:00

Go to AA you fucking pussy!

No_Smoke_7284 · 2023-08-07T07:51:06+00:00

I’m rooting for you bro. It took me almost going to prison for 2 years to call it quits. Been sober 6 months. Once your sober you’ll no longer question whether she’s a bitch or if your just crazy. You’ll make better decisions because it’s your intuition. Then you can still grow from there. I finally had to accept what was my goal. My goal was to be captain of my ship. Nobody respects a drunk captain. But as a sober captain I respect myself, and that is a world of difference. Good luck!

NoRolexNoSex · 2023-07-17T16:15:47+00:00

Buddy…tisk tisk…. Time to get some therapy and stop hoping she will help fix your problems. Its just gonna drive her away. Handle this on your own and fast. Or keep suffering, like a little boy who cant be a man for once in his life

nikfury69 · 2023-07-18T16:03:24+00:00

Been there, plus drugs. Totally screwed the pooch. Lost a career. Lost a wife. Lost my kid.

And totally turned it around.

Get help. You're too weak to handle this alone. And not your wife. You already lost her respect.

And yes. If she hasn't already, she'll be fucking someone she does respect, if YOU DONT UNFUCK YOURSELF.

Ask me why you need help. Weakness. Because you're here WHINING about your problem and not DOING something about it.

Its hard. And it never goes away. You gotta be harder. You gotta want it more. Some can do it alone. Most need help.

So swallow the little bit of pride you have left and get help.

Or get cucked.

SecretVillage5726 · 2023-07-19T08:30:12+00:00

Drinking liquid mama to sooth anger toward mama.

Call your mother and tell her you're sorry for resenting her for turning you away from your father.

Go back to your father and forgive him for not protecting you from her.

You're not ready for the 12 steps.

MoonLandingHoaxer · 2023-07-19T14:41:38+00:00

My question is how much of this struggle should I share with my wife?

None. This is your problem, and you have to fix it.

I want to be honest with her

Why? So you can feel better? Enough with that shit. You want to "talk" with her so you can guage her response to see if you're out of the woods. Talk... Jesus christ, maybe try a love language?

I wish it was as simple as “just don’t drink” but it’s not.

Yes, it is. How the fuck do you think we stay sober. We don't fuckin drink.

I think she could help me if I could talk

Again, with the talking. If she has to help you then you are a fucking pussy.

Is there a way to talk to her about it without stressing her more

Take that word "talk" write it on a piece of A4, fold it as small as you can into a tiny square and shove it up your ass. Start there.

Sober 9 years.

SimpRecovery · 2023-07-19T16:05:10+00:00

Your wife knows as others have said. She may be in denial, but that is very different than not knowing. She caught you because she wanted to so she could say something to you about it.

nikfury69 · 2023-07-29T02:46:52+00:00

11 days later...

You wet or dry?

Title	I have a drinking problem
Author	BraveNewWorld1722
Upvotes	8
Comments	48
Date	July 17, 2023 3:30 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/15255mx/i_have_a_drinking_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/i-have-a-drinking-problem.1225641 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225641

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