What am I doing wrong? When is it time to give up?

Redrover857 · 2021-07-10T02:17:12+00:00

Dude first of all you have 3 kids. No matter how attractive you are or how many “ but if YOu WeRE ChRiS hEmSWoRth” comments you see on here, sex is gonna be a struggle sometimes. Just getting alone is hard much less to be fucking during those times. Being attractive to a wife is 40% looks and 60% behavior and attitude. I’ve said countless times that I compete in powerlifting at 165 and 198, I get no differences in sex at both those weights even though I look very different. However I notice huge differences if I’m being a bitch. I really think strength and stoicism is the biggest key for a man/husband. You need to be completely unflappable, no matter what. You are consistent and strong. Secondly SAHM are bored and miserable as hell. Nothing kills a woman’s libido like boredom.

Petrosian8 · 2021-07-10T11:38:04+00:00

I've looked through your post and comments. I'm just going to point out things that stood out to me, mostly in hopes that it'll reinforce my own understanding, and you can take them for what you will.

I've done the work.

Be careful here. That sounds like a bold assumption for someone whose wife doesn't want to fuck him all that much.

While you have obviously done plenty of work, and I wouldn't want to discount that, putting it so definitively like you've done all the work that there is to do is likely misguided.

...but anyway my wife wont fuck me (sex 2-4 times a month). I'm attractive.

My understanding is that if you're attractive, get plenty of attention from attractive women, but your wife still isn't jumping your dick, then the first thing to look at is if it's because you're bad at comfort.

You confirm this numerous times in your comments.

I feel like she holds the pussy as her only card that she can play as a power move. How the fuck do I counter this move?

You're not in a relationship with your wife. You're in an emotional chess game where every piece is a pawn. My first thought is that instead of asking how you win this game, you need to ask why either of you are playing it in the first place.

Maybe she's playing because the huge lack of comfort puts her in a position where withholding sex is the only thing that makes her feel like you give a shit about her. Maybe you're playing because you have your head up your wife's ass and want her to fuck you to validate you.

As mentioned before, based on red pill feedback I built a social life that didn't exist before. I started going on guy trips. I try to be out of the house as much as possible. I have hobbies. I fix shit around the house. But when I make a move on my own wife she pulls away. WTF??

That's a massive flashing covert contract the size of the state of Wyoming, and it ties into the above. You're trying to get your wife to have sex with you for validation. This is what the dancing monkey references are about. Women can pick up on that shit better than you or I will ever understand.

(regarding rejections) I feel like she does it that way to make sure it's not about being too busy or tired and its more about trying to hurt and/or punish me.

Well I mean, no shit. If she's not getting enough comfort in the face of how attractive you are, then she's going to do anything she can to feel like she has some sort of importance to you. When she rejects you like this, and she knows it hurts you, it gives her that level of feeling important to you.

I'm not literally asking for sex. And I'm not fat. It's her response to me initiating. I also gotta say that I know how to fuck. When we do fuck I fuck her good. Pussy super wet, quivering orgasms and squirting. We'll sometimes go on a sex binge, then it all just stops. Seriously how the fuck do you explain that?

Can you explain how I'm being a dancing monkey?

This is more of the dancing monkey, looking for validation thing.

The basic format is something like, "I do [this thing], and she won't pat me on the head and tell me I'm a good boy and reward me with sex." That's basically all your entire post is, and it's what most of your comments are.

I swear I hate feeling like I'm wasting time and energy on someone who truly doesnt want me. I'm already good enough for probably 80% of other women.

You betray your motivation pretty hard with your language here. You're doing it so that you can feel like you're "good enough" for your wife. That's what validation seeking is, and it's what the dancing monkey thing is. Basically, you're trying to do a bunch of shit (dancing monkey) in order to get validation by having her tell you (through sex) that what you did was sufficient.

It's perhaps worth noting that this would have probably been identified a while back if you posted in the OYS threads since someone would have most likely seen it and pointed it out.

Remington-Holmes · 2021-07-10T07:53:03+00:00

You sound like a dancing monkey with a huge covert contract that you'll do the work and she'll respond by meeting your sexual needs.

I killed that same contract when I decided that the wife only gets first go at my libido, and that I would fuck another younger and prettier woman over the following days. I understand why now, my wife's behaviour almost immediately became more sexual. It was because my mental model had flipped, the covert contract was torn up and I was no longer doing things to get her to have sex. If she was being unpleasant, I either teased her or abandoned her to do what I had prioritised.

My marriage functions best upon a basis of me having plates - monogamy is dead for me. Beware, if you follow the same route, your frame needs to be sufficiently solid. If she does catch you 'cheating' then be prepared to own it. In my case, I had made my needs clear after already doing considerable work, and sex was still not forthcoming, so I put my wife in notice that my side of the marriage was being opened, and didn't particularly hide that it was being put into practice.

These days my wife seems to be more concerned about my significant drop in sexual interest for her. In reality that is because she was not ready to to make any sexual efforts for her husband, until she broke the pair bond/wife goggles. She now competes with younger prettier and sexier without her ever having built a wifely mindset/toolset of seduction and being a good lover. She is now playing catch-up

The mods don't tend to overemphasise putting your wife out to real competition for your sexual interest because many new guys are angry and (if they're attractive enough to get interest from prettier women) they are likely to go Rambo and and get caught cheating before they have the frame to deal with getting caught.

So, how are you going to kill the dancing monkey?

sicrm · 2021-07-10T02:14:53+00:00

if you got a divorce today it sounds like you would do fine but you’d would eventually end up right where you are now again with someone else.

being married is RP on hard mode. you said you did some work but have you done everything you can do?

have you internalized?

heard stories of people who did have success in their marriage then stopped doing the work and it came undone.

you can always do more.

BobbyPeru · 2021-07-11T04:22:33+00:00

How the fuck do I counter this move?

Follow the levels of dread

Do an honest assessment of where you are currently, and then go to the next level or go back to any levels that need work.

Don’t hurry it

wkndatbernardus · 2021-07-10T02:17:33+00:00

You say that other woman want you but, it doesn't sound to me like your wife experiences any dread. Why is that? Answering this question will go a long way in charting a solid path forward.

Taipanshimshon · 2021-07-10T05:57:06+00:00

Jesus dude. Covert contract much ?

i-am-the-prize · 2021-07-12T15:22:39+00:00

if you're that fit, you're beating 80% of the guys out there. but looks are only so much of the total an LTR gauges to generate feels. check out Rian's more recent youtube about scoreboarding and how women manipulate men (5 ways: anger, ego, shame, (self) wounding and frame shift). he has an older blog post on blogspot about it, which resonated.

i think she knows you care and may think your stocism is a facade. so yeah, she's testing you. women are naturally emotional terrorists. and your woman is using her pussy as a power play.

so, use your only true weapon: withdrawal of affection, attention and commitment; you are your longest LTR. you have to be willing to truly walk, for some to get it and get with it. "fuck me of fuck you" harshness.

then balance it with comfort as needed. but first she has to know you will righteously leave, before she will righteously stay.

Sepean · 2021-07-10T06:57:50+00:00

I hear nothing about how you got great frame and game in the presence of your wife. The number one thing is the signals - some big and many of them small - that you send through behavior, words, body language.

They’re wired to suss out your state of mind from small cues, and that’s what they’re really attracted to, mindset, frame. They want babies who think and feel like an alpha.

ArgentinaMRP · 2021-07-10T05:13:24+00:00

What do you want out of your life? At the point forward, what is your main goal? Pussy? It sounds like it to me. Fine, if that's the case. But, everything you mention above deals in your wife's frame, even the part around hitting on girls and getting numbers. That's cool, but still in your wife's frame. If you want sex, go out and get it.

One of the points of info missing in your post is dread. Have you ever read the 60 days of dread? Do you know what dread is? It's your road map moving forward. This happens automatically the more attractive you become both mentally and physically. You may look good, but your mental models still need work and attention. I also agree with the comment around this happen with the next woman since it will happen. You are fixing this stuff for you, not your wife

PutABabyInThat · 2021-07-10T01:28:14+00:00

Your second (and last) OYS was 86 days ago... looks like you already gave up.

Praexology · 2021-07-10T12:12:51+00:00

Does your wife actually enjoy being around you?

You might be attractive, you might be handy, you might be any number of excellent qualities but are you enjoyable?

As it seems, your wife values not having sex with you more than her time spent with you - which is why she leverages her pussy against you.

Not tooting my horn but I worked my ass off to look good based on feedback I've gotten here.

Step 1, Be attractive. Check

Step 2, Don't be unattractive. ???.

jay2243 · 2021-07-10T18:28:36+00:00

Have you read this post ? I’ll take your word that you have “done the work” to make yourself a desirable man, but it sounds like you are not truly outcome independent yet. Review sidebar material on dread. It’s a long process and you have to be okay with the potential end game in which you give the “fuck me or fuck you” ultimatum. However if you ever get to that point, it isn’t even an ultimatum so much as a statement that you’ll be opening your side of the marriage. Otherwise it’s just a lame attempt at trying to negotiating desire one last time.

ilove702 · 2021-07-11T16:45:26+00:00

Getting busted at the AMPs is your issue. When people google your name does your mugshot come up? Guessing you made alot of statements and promises to your wife from a place of weakness when you got busted. Honestly you need to own that you are a man who fucks and dread her so she knows you no longer have to pay for it you will upgrade women for free and without feelings of guilt or remorse.

MonxtahDramux · 2021-07-10T07:36:14+00:00

Outside the bedroom, do you tease her?

Is it possible she feels ignored?

This may be one of those times you ask "what's wrong?"

This may sound manipulative but if nothing else works, stop paying any attention to her.

so_woke_da_wookie · 2021-07-10T08:50:24+00:00

Your wife has put you to work. You should return the favour. Tell her she needs to contribute the financial future of the household.

I’ll bet you see the mother of all shit storms.

RStonePT · 2021-07-10T11:19:54+00:00

http://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2vykau/a_guide_for_beginners_to_mrp/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=askMRP&utm_content=t5_39iug

IBeMadToo · 2021-07-10T08:44:08+00:00

Go read 12 Levels of Dread. If you say you've done the work, you'd have come across this post. It is in the MRP side bar.

serendipitybot · 2021-07-11T08:20:39+00:00

This submission has been randomly featured in /r/serendipity, a bot-driven subreddit discovery engine. More here: /r/Serendipity/comments/oi0n4r/what_am_i_doing_wrong_when_is_it_time_to_give_up/

Title	What am I doing wrong? When is it time to give up?
Author	BentBarbell3536
Upvotes	30
Comments	74
Date	July 10, 2021 1:21 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/oh943s/what_am_i_doing_wrong_when_is_it_time_to_give_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/what-am-i-doing-wrong-when-is-it-time-to-give-up.790634 https://theredarchive.com/post/790634

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