Not a victim puke. Simply long so I can pick out where I acted incorrectly.

It’s shark week, she’s been difficult. I STFU’d while she went on about how I care about my friends more than her.

I snapped. Told her she was being irrational (mistake 1)

She said she will never tell me how she feels again because it just doesn’t work.

I used fogging and then STFU’d again for her rant. Held frame. Everything was good by bed time.

Queue today.

She was being mopey all morning. Held frame for the first half of the day. Laughed. Teased her. She thanked me for trying but continued to sulk. Took it as a comfort test. Gave her some comfort, she apologised and came out of the sulk.

I complained a little about why moping for a whole day because of a 1 hour issue wasn’t good for anyone. (Mistake 2) Quickly caught myself and went back to STFU.

I went off to work out for a few hours/do some work.

She reached out to me once or twice. When I was done I called her back, she was out at the shop and didn’t pick up.

Two minute later she calls back, I ask her why she didn’t pick up? (Mistake 3)

Gets angry that she was carrying something and couldn’t answer.

I tell her no problem, we’ll chat when she gets home.

At home, I ask her what she has bought so we can add it to our budget.

She gets frustrated as I ask about each item. She says that I need to not look at her so ‘rough’ and to please talk nicely.

I chuckle and keep going through the items. She gets more abrupt each time I tick something off. She says she already told me what she bought on the phone.

I flip my shit and break frame. I tell her that if she can’t be respectful she can go find a husband who she can talk nicely with because I won’t put up with disrespect. (Mistake 5)

I tell her that we agreed to do this together after each shopping trip. That we’re doing it so we can both be aware of budgeting during the current period. I tell her I’m done with her and leave.

Instantly after I felt like shit because I broke frame.

I give it 5 minutes and go back to her with an apology for losing my shit. It’s probably the first time I have apologised. I say that was 100% my bad in reaction to her mood.

Initially she doesn’t want to speak or look at me but I say that we’re not going to be disrespectful, we’re going to go back and calmly chat about the shopping together and then we’re going to chill.

She’s clearly hurt for the first 10 minutes or so. I tell her don’t worry, that was my bad, let’s just go through the list.

Her mood changes. She’s sad but all of her anger is gone.

The rest of the evening she’s the calmest I have seen her in months. I’m loving every minute of it but confused as fuck.

I give her positive reinforcement that I love when she’s like this. This is how she was all the time when we met.

She said she’s learned to be competitive because of me, but is going to try and be calmer from now on. That she doesn’t like when she fights with me and then apologised for being so moody.

Before sleeping, we talk about expectations going forward.

I tell her ‘I love a wife who is calm and is okay with being second to me because she knows I’ll always make sure everything is good.”

She said that she promised me yesterday she wouldn’t talk about her ‘bad feelings’ because it makes everything worse.

That she’s going to try and mediate and be calmer from now because it’s the best thing for us and the kids.

I’m happy as fuck and we both went to bed feeling good. But I don’t know what changed?

Does she think my frame is too weak to handle her negative emotions and therefore is now editing what she says?

Did my outburst bring her out of the emotional loop?

Everything is still very good in the bedroom. She does everything that I want even when she’s mad.

The respect aspect is what I’m trying to work on and handling my complaining and outbursts as much as I can. Things can be smooth as fuck for days and then we get caught in a negative emotional loop.

I’m uncertain how to break it and usually end up saying something that hurts her because I lose my cool.