I've been on trp for one year or so. I don't know if it's my listening to Patrice O'Neal or the constant reminders on here and in rl but rage is starting to boil inside of me and not sure how to deal with it.

I'm feeling some hatred. It's like you hate the thing that you once worshipped because you see it for what it truly is... the dark-side of nature. I feel angry anytime I see them now, and I just want to know how to get past this? It's hitting me like a ton of bricks. I don't like them anymore, I get this bad taste in my mouth when I see them.

What gets me is the lies, tricks, manipulation, games, and deceit that I was too blind to see... trp had to spell it out for me and a year later it's settling in and making me very angry. In conversations with them, or watching them from afar I see exactly what they are doing. The game they are playing, and the other blind betas being tricked into beta-orbiter/validating robots for their pleasure. It's basically a form of slavery to be a beta to these women. It just infuriates me to no end... witnessing it all first-hand. Yes, I get it, it's their nature, don't hate a fish for being a fish. But fuck that, I will anyways, they should have some common-decency to other people.

Another aspect of this is the time I wasted on them. Doing all the wrong things that women and the media told me should work. But then never seeming to do it right "just be yourself" "the right one is out there for you" all that shit. Nothing I did was ever good enough, and any time I'd move in they'd push away. I was constantly coming up short. I was only good enough for low-tier women, and even they shitted on me after some time. It's the whole they don't respect genuine nice qualities. They don't respect truth, honor, or justice. The way they present themselves as innocent virgins is a complete lie and I suppose I was too much of a sexually naïve immature BP for not seeing it sooner.

Listening to Patrice O'Neal opened so many doors for me. I never saw the way women truly view men, not until I heard him dissect them and call them out on their bullshit and then hear them explain their side of the story... I began seeing what truly is their bullshit (cognitive dissonance/female solipsism)... They don't even know why they do the things they do. Another thing is they don't respect men at all (use them for resources), they look at men as beneath them, while they desperately want to be like us (mirroring/copying us). Patrice said "They act like they are better than us!" I think so. They act as if their problems are infinitely worse than any mans problems. Like how they will cry about dry-spell of a month to their beta-orbiter, meanwhile the beta-orbiter hasn't had sex in a year. Cognitive dissonance? or just flat-out non-caring narcissists. They could virtually get sex any time of the day from their beta friends but they don't want it, they only want alpha. How screwed up is that? that they use the beta for a shoulder to cry on about their lack of sex, meanwhile he hasn't gotten any and would love to have sex with her but she doesn't want it.

Anger is also coming from the way society comforts/conforms to women, but for men? nah screw their feelings, it's just dog-eat-dog. Women will never admit they are wrong about these things. They appear to be constantly in bitch-mode, unless you have social-value like you are alpha-fucks or beta-bux, you are invisible to them. The only other situation I can think of is possibly them dating bum/losers. And they do that because their self-esteem is so low that this bum brings them down further to the point where he is higher up than her. Yet they deny all of it.

Just looking back at my time in high-school and after and they never seemed to give me the time of day. They would basically laugh at me under their breath for trying to date them or showing any affection. And then me feeling constantly confused about why all this was happening because of how BP the world is, it's all one big lie. How women say they want to be treated and what they actually like are two entirely different things. I was good and nice to them, but it was never good enough. They respond well to hyper-masculine, big, tall, intimidating brutes. They response poorly to anything feminine, short, skinny, non-intimidating. They don't like nice, and respond much better to treating them like they are nothing/dirt/trash. They want you to make them feel like they are beneath you and despise any type of equality or them feeling above you (despite what they say).

Before this time on trp I was just frustrated understanding the mechanics of all this, now I'm starting to look inside and realize it and I'm angry and raging inside... seeing the same things play day-in day-out like trp says. Trying not to get bitter, negative, and angry but it's difficult. My eyes are opening to all this and it's getting me very angry. Trying to fight the feeling... but the thought alone is killing me right now.