Hey guys,

I am 24yos and found TRP a little over a week ago. Since discovering TRP, I have only grown frustrated and angry towards my situation. I could really use some good advice.

A little bio: I am 23yo, a Police Officer in Texas, and also in the Army Reserves. I met my fiance my sophomore year of college. I work out regularly and have been increasingly dressing better and bettering myself since graduation college 2 years ago due to my own personal motivations.

I am currently engaged to a girl (I'll refer to as M) and we have been together for 3.5 years. We are set to get married next June (potentially in my mind now). I will wholeheartedly admit, that If I knew then what I knew now, this relationship would have never lasted. But it has and we've grown and invested in each other for a long time. This is also the first girl I ever dated and have no experience with any other females. Essentially growing up I was fat and had low self-esteem up until college when I motivated myself to lose weight and join the Army. Gained a lot of self-confidence, discipline, and really improved myself.

I met M 6 months after all my initial military training. I was very oblivious as to what was happening and the feelings I was experiencing were powerful and unexpected. We went on a few dates and eventually became "exclusive" after a few weeks. She essentially was the driving force behind all of this. She's been a driving force behind the relationship the entire time, pushing for BF/GF, pushing for engagement, etc. (i guess I just went along with it)

M is very supportive, devoted, caring, and thoughtful. She says she can't imagine living without me, says she's lucky to have found me, and is very attached (I'm not an attached or needy type of person, so I don't share this view) BUT right from the start, our sexual interactions were minimal (maybe once a week?). After a few months, it turned into almost no sexual interactions. The best night I can remember was the valentines day within the first 6 months of dating. A few weeks after that, I got extremely frustrated because (after multiple times happening) she would have me get her off, but then turn over and go to sleep just leaving me hanging saying she was too tired or some bullshit. We got into a huge argument and ever since over the course of the last three years I can count on one hand the amount of sexual stuff we've done.

I was and still a beta (currently unplugging). I never said anything and kept my frustrations inside and resorting to porn/masturbation. I never pushed the subject to avoid an argument.

Early in the relationship when attempting actual sex, wound found it was almost impossible due to her experiencing pain. We figured it was vaginismus after researching online. She essentially refused to try and fix it. She had an "oh well" attitude; telling me she would talk to her gyno about it, but never has and refuses to go to specialists to get a professional opinion. I even got her kits to help with it 2 years ago, but she never took it seriously. She said she never wanted to talk about the issue and to never bring it up because she "was embarrassed"...always avoiding it.

Even when I proposed, there were sexual interactions. As if she thinks it doesn't matter.

Now I don't know if she just has a low sex drive or what. I understand the pain during intercourse, but I'm saying that she never seems to even have the urge to doing anything sexual even after not seeing each other for a long period of time. She's always trying to fill her emotional wants/needs (love tank bullshit from 5 love languages). She also tries to blame the lack of sexual desire to not meeting her emotional needs and doing all that frilly sweet shit. But this is a 2-way street....

Now after finding TRP I finally brought up the issue of her vaginismus last week and if she's made any progress (after the last 2 years of having the resources). She said she didn't want to talk about it (shocker) and intuitively asked why I brought it up. I told her its a very important aspect and it's something I need in a relationship (especially a marriage). She already knows that problems with sex leads to failed marriages, even her mother told her that after accidentally mentioning our problem after being drugged for dental work. Of course when I brought this all up, she got extremely upset and afraid I'm going to call off the wedding if she doesn't fix it and that I'm giving her an ultimatum. I told her it wasn't an ultimatum and that I just wanted her to work on it because I don't want to have a sexless marriage (didn't have the heart to say what I really thought).

My predicament now is that yes there is the issue of vaginismus not being addressed for the last 3.5 years together and now I've finally lit a fire to get her motivated (but who knows how long that will last). But also just the total lack of sexual intimacy as a whole over the last 3.5 years. I know marriage won't magically flip a switch inside of her and want to do stuff. I know you can't change people, so I pretty much know all I've seen so far is exactly what it'll be like married.

Is this a situation that employing TRP techniques (being alpha) can fix? or is just underlying foundation too fcked?

I love her and her family, but I've gone this whole time thinking in the back of my mind "it'll get better, just wait...". I do love her and she is extremely caring, but I don't want to be frustrated and resentful after nothing has changed. I would rather take a hard hit now then be totally fucked over in a few years from divorce due to resentment and unable to meet each other's expectations. If we weren't already engaged and paying for wedding stuff, I would easily just break up and not deal with it, but I am already in a deep hole of investment with time/money/family/etc.

I don't know if she's not attracted to me or just has a low sex drive or what.

I'm asking TRP because I've seen the no bullshit advice y'all can give, so please tell me what you think. Is this savable or is it destined to be doomed?