I (22M) need help conversing with girls in public.

reflectivekickball · 2022-09-26T21:27:30+00:00

You can't learn sentences for a "smooth conversation".

There isn't any "best topics" to talk about - it's all about how relaxed you feel in your body to express whatever you want to express.

You have infinite topics to talk about but you filter your thoughts by thinking "is this cool enough to say, will she like it?" - fuck that.

Talk about stuff that makes YOU laugh, that makes YOU feel good - if you feel good then she will feel good and add flirting.

Most guys don't know how to really flirt and then just hope that one day the girl makes the first move (rarely happens).

I would highly recommend David Dawn's free book (direct link). I have been following his advice for couple of months now and it isn't that complicated - it helped me a lot in terms of approaching girls and keeping interactions going, flirting, asking for a date etc..

When jumping into interactions.. Just do your best and if it ain't good enough, reflect on your conversations and then be objective about your successes and failures!

Delicious_Ad_1853 · 2022-09-26T22:24:33+00:00

"threading" is an important concept.

You can talk about the stupidest things in the world as long you dont cling to it forever. If you get good at finding and switching to new threads, you'll never run out of things to talk about.

Pro-tip: motivations and emotions are way more interesting to discuss than plot points and biographies.

lifeintraining · 2022-09-26T22:11:08+00:00

Start by talking to men in public.

BadWrath · 2022-09-27T04:58:22+00:00

Honestly bud, I’ve figured this out the hard way. You just have to do it. It’s kinda like getting a shot when you’re a kid. You can prepare as much as you want. You can do all the pep talk. You can watch a million videos of other kids getting shots. You can do whatever. But the pain is the pain, and you have to confront it because the needle has to go in and there’s no way around that. There are no shortcuts. There are no roundabouts.

I know talking to women sucks because the guy has to initiate everything and women don’t know nor do they care how hard and invalidating that is. Like, imagine if you were ignored by everyone and in order to be acknowledged and accepted you had to go around practically begging people to judge how worthy you are of protecting and providing for them, just so you can avoid abject loneliness…then you’re somehow expected to come out the other end of that endeavor with an unshakable confidence…. They’ll tell men to just have confidence but virtually no part of a man’s life gives him the external validation necessary to have some sort of internal confidence about his outward appearance and behaviors. I hear people often conflate confidence in one’s ability to accomplish some desired outcome outside of dating with that person’s ability to accomplish some desired outcome whilst dating - for the record, it is entirely possible for a man to be the most confident and competent athlete, computer programmer, musician, painter, businessman, etc. and still not be confident in his ability to get women. Getting women is a skill unto itself, and another myth is that they say the confidence necessary to do so will only come from within, and that’s not true. Basically, when it comes to attraction, you are willfully subjecting yourself to judgment by another person, and if adjudicated worthy, only then do they take interest in getting to know you further. So inherently, a man’s confidence in getting women in-part, if not, entirely hinges on whether or not women validate him enough to gain said confidence. Saying a man’s confidence in getting women comes from within is like expecting someone to have confidence in their ability to sit down when every time they sit in a chair, it breaks. Confidence is merely when a positive estimation of oneself comports with one’s reality, and the modern dating landscape is one that absolutely shatters 95% of most men’s confidence. This is all to say, you’re not alone in struggling to talk to women. Most guys do, they just won’t admit it. I’d like to clarify that you’re not the odd one out because often times people will believe their way into possessing a problem they don’t actually have, and end up actually adopting that problem as a result of constantly reinforcing the belief that they have it. You are a functioning person responded rather typically and predictably to a screwed up dating environment- understand that.

What helped me just “bite the bullet” and talk to women was honestly by NOT TALKING TO WOMEN WITH SEXUAL OR RELATIONAL INTENT. This is what worked for me and I’ll explain the logic behind why it worked. Basically, if your mindset is “anxious”, and your words emanate from your mind, you will have a hard time trying to mask your anxiety with your words, seeing as your anxious state of mind is responsible for said words. When you work with nature, good things happen. When you work against it, bad things happen. Your mind works how it works. Words flow from your mind and reflect your state of mind…words aren’t supposed to flow DESPITE your state of mind. Therefore if you want to change your words with women, you have to change your state of mind when talking to them and how you think about them. I realized that my obsession with what to say to women was giving me anxiety. I also realized that I engaged most naturally in life with the things I cared the least about impressing. Kinda like how all your trickshots in basketball come when no one is around. Try this…just hanging around women, don’t say anything at all. Just hang. Don’t try to impress. Just hang. Just be there. What you’re doing is taking them off the pedestal and bringing them eye-level. What this does is familiarizes you with them, it makes you comfortable around them. It de-pedestalizes them. Then, I promise you will start developing relationships naturally. How do I know this? Again, nature. Part of what people forget today is that nature made men and women attracted to each other… what’s fucked that up is that today men and women are just in their own way. Just let nature do its thing. Stop trying to impress women and just be around them and nature will handle the rest.

4goodluck · 2022-09-27T02:00:38+00:00

i’ve been a pretty social person, but there was a time that i just got a lot of social anxiety and stopped talking to people.

i started a job where i was doing door to door sales (shitty i know) during college, but it definitely helped me with overcoming objections. it helps u think on ur feet and will help with the flow of everyday conversations.

if u can go up to random people and convince them to buy a product, u can go up to random girls and have a conversation with them.

incognito3107 · 2022-09-27T07:39:04+00:00

Focus on inducing different emotions and keeping high energy in a conversation. You are not meant to exchange any information, you are meant to have pleasurable and interesting experience.

lilZack96 · 2022-09-27T11:46:34+00:00

Ok heres some very simple mindset rules to have

1.dont go for a date or start conversations with the mindset of trying to impress, but focus more on whether you are enjoying the conversation and her company

2.just start teasing her , teasing is the best way to open up , like example "your hair looks like wet noodles but luckily your face make it look good" hahaha if she gets offended by little things like this then just dont bother she cant take a joke

3.be observant , ask her where she got her top, clothes, whatever people like to be acknowledged

4.MOST IMPORTANTLY, dont talk about your self too much , i see guys trying to impress by talking bout themselves all day but most women love to talk so focus more on asking questions than sharing all about yourself

I hope it helps :)

AnonymousXX3-2 · 2022-09-27T16:22:06+00:00

Okay, try this.

“So I’m not good with conversations and didn’t know how to approach you. Do you have any ideas?”

In the wake of uncertainty, try being honest. No one becomes charismattic overnight and you’re like going to flounder the first couple of approaches. Just accept that.

What you need to prioritize is knowing the “flow” of conversations. Don’t approach women with the idea of “I’m going to get her number”, but “I’m going to talk to her and see what happens”. And if she rejects this advance, pull out, dust yourself off, and try again with someone else later.

Good luck

neversleeps212 · 2022-09-27T00:03:34+00:00

You’re thinking about this wrong. You’re mindset conscious or unconscious seems to be what can I say to make this person like me.

And of course that’s a very difficult proposition when encountering a stranger plus it makes you lower status than her. Instead, think what would I like to know about this person and use that frame of reference to guide the conversation.

Inferno456 · 2022-09-27T05:59:54+00:00

I’m also trying to improve my conversation but how I would continue your example is ask her questions like how do you like playing for the team? Whats the hardest part? What position do you play? Etc and let her talk while you listen

hummm- · 2022-09-27T19:15:04+00:00

I used to be in the same boat. What I found out is girls like you to ask questions about themselves. Anything from their past or their childhood. What are their Hobbies. Also sometimes it's good to have short conversations when you just meet someone. It leaves them wanting more later. Never be afraid to ask them if they're okay talking with you. This gives them more comfort.

SufficientAd7727 · 2022-09-27T18:43:56+00:00

Just know that when you look any girl in the eye, that they wanna fuck just as much as you/guys do. It will change your perception when you talk to them. Maybe try and imagine her getting wet. It will cause you to be naturally more flirtatious. I was taught this in my early 20s by a local PUA and it changed my game. Stop putting them on a pedestal. Which if you’re nervous about having enough to say then you clearly are….

Yw…🙏🏽

revente · 2022-09-26T23:14:55+00:00

I reccoment this resource:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoJa5jUE8t0

Also, I recommend improv classes, since they kinda teach the same appraoch.

Keithlct · 2022-09-27T04:37:13+00:00

Cut the small talk and say frankly or directly what is your intention like.. Hey I like your style and vibe. Would you like to have coffee sometime or beer or hangout to do something cool. I would like to get to know you... (Something in that line.)

python834 · 2022-09-27T04:54:47+00:00

If you are attractive you can get laid asking her what her favorite rock is, or whether or not she likes carrots. Point is you can say anything as long as you aint a creep and are a great conversationalist.

Neo-Rio · 2022-09-27T06:31:53+00:00

Imagine you are a car salesman. You are trying to sell a car.

Are you going to ask the potential customer: "Do you play ball at college?"

See what I mean?

Maybe you'd start talking about how amazing the car is to drive, or the simple fact that if they were interested in enough to talk to you, that they must be there to buy a car. And now, this is the model you recommend.... and they have to make a decision TODAY or someone else is likely to get it. By the way it's also economical to run and will be the envy of her friends.

creamyturtle · 2022-09-27T15:08:46+00:00

any planned line is going to go badly. just start saying whatever is on your mind. hi whats your name. where are you from. do you go to school here blah blah

No-Emotion-7053 · 2022-09-27T16:31:53+00:00

Smooth conversation implied it was natural, what you’re asking for won’t make it natural.

But - ask her favourite team, if she watches regularly, how she got into basketball, who her favourite player is, her favourite position (add pause for sexual tension)

Ok-Marionberry-8669 · 2022-09-27T17:31:06+00:00

say whatever you want

epimpstyle · 2022-09-27T20:15:42+00:00

You are thinking too much. What you said above is a discussion that happens in your head without knowing how the other person is reacting, in this way it is impossible to keep a conversation.

IRL everything is different... and it doesn't matter what you are saying as long as you are friendly and polite (do not even think to say something sexual - it is too early).

BTW, picking up girls in the gym or school/workplace is not a good idea.

Title	I (22M) need help conversing with girls in public.
Author	Popular-Long9658
Upvotes	43
Comments	30
Date	September 26, 2022 8:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xovhho/i_22m_need_help_conversing_with_girls_in_public/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-22m-need-help-conversing-with-girls-in-public.1249324 https://theredarchive.com/post/1249324

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