How do I, as an engineer, who is mostly doing and following things related to engineering, like coding and watching SpaceX videos, improve my social skills?

MassiveBonerrr · 2021-03-19T19:31:48+00:00

I am a biochemistry major and collect action figures. In other words, I am also a nerd. I also have LOTS of success with women but I wasnt always this way. The best advice I have for you is to get in the gym to improve your body and confidence in yourself, groom yourself, and PRACTICE TALKING TO WOMEN. When I first started, I would go out and talk to anybody. Older women, younger women, pretty women, not so pretty women... I wasnt even focused on sex or “game” I was just learning how to be comfortable and confident when approaching women. That had a huge payoff for me and now I am currently dating one very stunning model.

My advice is to just get comfortable and confident approaching women and if you still feel the need to improve your “game” then start studying relevant material. But comfort and confidence in the presence of women is absolutely essential.

Blurry-Nights · 2021-03-19T18:43:03+00:00

Software engineer turned semi-professional seducer here. Before I learned how to approach women, I was extremely successful in every area of life, including having very attractive girlfriends, but I was deeply depressed and miserable. After forcing myself to learn how to approach, to the point where I can teach other engineers how to do it, my lifelong depression is completely gone, and the abundance of good women in my life was absolutely the missing piece I needed to be a complete and happy man.

Here are my #1 tips to any man, but especially engineers:

Study the pros (Sasha Daygame, James Marshall, Liam McRae, etc.)
Do at least 10 approaches every week. Approach every day if you can. I couldn't, so I would go downtown for 3 hours every Saturday and do all 10 of my approaches then. If they went awesome, I'd do 20. If they went shit, I'd stop at 10.
Talk to everyone when you're in public, not just hot women. Practice "social freedom" (as Sasha Daygame teaches).
Those 10 approaches per week are non-negotiable. I don't care how depressed you are, or if you broke your leg. Hobble up to them.
You are not allowed to quit or decide you don't like this until you've done at least 100 approaches. Engineers have almost no social intelligence, so your first N approaches are going to be bad. Meditate on every single one afterwards and learn from every single one, and usually within the first 25 you will have an amazing approach that's nothing but positive for you and the woman and super boosts your confidence. You need to hold out until you have this experience, because once it happens, it will make it all the easier for you to make it happen again. I'm now in a place where 99% of my approaches are super fun for both me and the woman, and it took a long time to get to this point. Getting to this point is ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL because the 3 hours that you go out to approach every week need to be extremely fun for you, or you just won't keep doing it. So you're not allowed to give up before you reach this critical point.

Nobody does what they don't love, they just don't. So you need to keep doing this until you love it. Then this process becomes so much fun, the women become your dating coaches, and you can stop studying the pros because you will develop your own style. Good luck.

P.S. The only way to learn social intelligence is through practice. Books help, videos help, but NOTHING replaces practice. If you just keep doing 10 approaches every week, with extremely attractive women, they will teach you all the social intelligence you need for every area of life. It translated to my career and every other area of my life.

BurnItDownSR · 2021-03-19T17:50:43+00:00

Talk to tons of people and consume material that teaches you how to do that effectively.

Gotta have both. Just talking to tons of people will get you about as good results as throwing darts with a blindfold on and just reading or watching videos is mental masturbation. You gotta know specifically what you're supposed to practice and practice that a lot.

berttbeans996 · 2021-03-19T21:40:51+00:00

Yes I’m an anti-engineer.

I try to not fit the stereotype even though I do. I love anything sci-fi, and am really introverted. I play video games.

I have hobbies outside of the engineering realm. Mine is basketball. There aren’t many engineers who play basketball. And I’m pretty good, so a lot of people want to be my friend because of this and play with me.

I also like fashion. Which, a lot of engineers don’t lol.

I also love hip-hop, which I also feel a lot of engineers don’t like.

These likes have put me in places where there aren’t many engineers and I’m forced to talk about non-engineering things.

Also, I have a best friend of 10 years who is extremely extroverted so I lucked out in that regard. He always takes his core best friend group to social gatherings where we’re forced to socialize.

So yeah, bottom line, have likes and interests outside of the engineering realm so you can relate to stuff that non-engineers like.

Crixusgannicus · 2021-03-20T10:21:10+00:00

1 Stop thinking of yourself as "I'm an engineer". Limiting belief. You are NOT an engineer. You WORK as an engineer. If asked..you can say WHERE you work, but be vague about what you do. When they press for details you don't even have to lie. Just say. "I can't say. You understand, don't you?"

Even if it's something that shouldn't be "classified" like if you're an engineer for Dunkin Donuts. Just say. "Do you know what an NDA is? Well, it means non-disclosure agreement and if you break one you have to pay back all the money they paid you and then some, so no." Then shut the fuck up.

2 Start thinking of yourself as a man. By the way. That applies to all you readers. You are NOT what you do.

shnjushnjo · 2021-03-19T16:47:27+00:00

Also an engineer, same problem :)

Josh52728 · 2021-03-19T21:10:10+00:00

Start with a meet up group Read coach Corey Wayne’s 3% man or Avery Hayden’s book the blue print Find a guy or someone to go out with on the weekends try cold approach you will get more and more confidence and start to create a social life

MakeSail · 2021-03-19T23:19:00+00:00

How old are you?

YesImTheAsshole_ta · 2021-03-20T00:09:09+00:00

I’ll respond from another approach. If you are successful in general and good with people in general... women will follow. Don’t try to take the short cut to act like the guy that gets women... actually become that guy.

Change your paradigm from your nerdiness being a handicap to realizing how much of an opportunity you have. Being a techy or quant puts you in a great spot... people with silver tongues and no substance can be found very easily. You have an opportunity to be uniquely wel rounded that most guys that are great communicators will never have. You have a great hard skill that if you combine with even mediocre management and people skills, it will skyrocket your career. If you learn how to communicate and get results you want out of people, it is very easy for you to rise in the engineering world, because the bar is incredibly low for those skills in that world. As a guy that hires multiple different engineers/firms for projects I can tell you there are lifelong engineers and there are people that learn to manage engineers, if you become the second you will do better in your career and relationships.

First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women. Not advice for every guy, but a good paradigm shifter for someone like you

throwaway77774444222 · 2021-03-20T10:54:44+00:00

Don’t beat yourself for loving your job and having skills. Us girls love that. Be genuinely interested of what the girl have to say and if the girl wants to learn to code, try helping her and you will have a shared interest. Be nice and smile. Do you want a real girlfriend or do you want to be laid ?

2021-03-20T15:00:37+00:00

Use soft, hard, transferable skills exercise one's intelligence in social settings without the technical jargons. Go to socials, networking events, single mixers, dating events, so on. Practice makes improvement/progress. Have social proof, peacock (picture the animal; to stand out) through passive value (muscles) and active value (fashion, facial expressions, body language, kinesics, proxemics, haptics, paralanguage, etc.). Be social, fun, playful, mature, good, kind, assertive, open minded, respectful, principled, adjust, adapt. Learn skills of Influence: Psychology of Persuasion, How to Win Friends and Influence People (both are books). Check out www.datingskillsreview.com. Good luck!

theninthnuclearman · 2021-03-19T17:51:52+00:00

Go be shy! Let yourself suck ass and look at yourself in third person in your mind. And then suck ass.

Accomplished_Paint85 · 2021-03-19T20:45:56+00:00

Just break out ur wallet & take her off the pedastal

TheMailmanic · 2021-03-19T22:42:32+00:00

You need to get out there, trying, failing, learning, and trying again. Nothing beats real life experience

useme24-7 · 2021-03-20T00:36:15+00:00

I see on here that ppl are always afraid put off by pretty girls that's because they have guys hitting on them 24/7 and sometimes are the bitchiest, I would say to start off by approaching the 5 or 6's in the world practice your game on them get a feel for what compliments/ conversation they seem to like, they are looking for compliments more then these 10's. Plus they will more likely strike up a convo so you can practice talking to females. Because unless you look like the Rock these women aren't throwing their panties at you anyways. I'm not expert but I've been knee deep in pu$$y since a few kid I was athletically gifted so it just helped my confidence. Important be confident in yourself because they can tell if you constantly put yourself down then your lacking, this is a shit post but there is some truth to it I think I'm meeting some lady tonight wo idk

sunsoke · 2021-03-20T01:43:25+00:00

Civil engineer here.

Wasted priceless college years not knowing how to approach attractive women on my campus. Didn’t start going out and doing cold-approach pickup until I was in my mid-twenties.

Best advice I can give to an engineer, realize that it is more emotional than logical and don’t overthink things the way you would analyze a problem. Girls are humans too, and they respond to the emotion of things rather than what’s being said at face value. That’s why it’s pickup artistry, not pickup science. Just pump them up with good emotions and don’t get caught up with yourself in your head; be present to the moment and your surroundings. Meditation can help with this.

There’s no substitute for experience and you’ll just have to go out and approach women, no simulations or formulas to get around it. With enough repetition, you’ll understand the social queues on a subconscious level and rid yourself of the awkwardness.

If you want to facilitate your learning curve, Tyler from Real Social Dynamics helped me a lot; the way he speaks and explains things makes it easy for my dense engineering head to get.

Also if you can, seek out a mentor or wingman. Best of luck.

Im_the_cool_mom · 2021-03-20T01:58:08+00:00

Get out there talk to people! The only way to get better at something is to practice

Brenda7- · 2021-03-20T02:22:23+00:00

Well I'm a pretty popular high school girl and I would have to say, take care of yourself. No one wants to talk to someone with poor hygiene. Buy skin care products. Don't have stinky breath. Buy mints or chewing gum. Make social media accounts for personal reasons. Post picture of YOURSELF on those accounts. People don't wanna date or be friends with the meme person. Well that's in today's "kids" standards. I'm just trying to help.

GetChillGetThrills · 2021-03-20T13:00:55+00:00

I just go on many dates until I get good.

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