Does anyone else feel that the book, "How to win friends and influence people", advices people to be overly kind and fake which comes across as extremely inauthentic?

constant777 · 2021-05-05T13:25:29+00:00

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Nikkinicole57 · 2021-05-05T12:33:40+00:00

I personally felt it was just about being nice and trying to understand others.

It was not nearly as bad as "talking to strangers", which somehow got good reviews despite being a long winded book of trash facts.

FrostyPanda119 · 2021-05-05T14:46:05+00:00

I read the book a few years back and I do remember that some parts of the book feel a little bit like they're straight up teaching you manipulation tricks. It does have it's golden nuggets though, but you should take everything with a grain of salt.

This book essentially taught me that people are generally self-centered and love being praised and talking about themselves, that you should always focus on the other persons needs if you want something out of them, bad criticism usually leads to nothing if you do it in a way that hurts the person's ego, and the importance of smiling and positivity. However, you should never do something if it feels unauthentic or dishonest and always be clear about your intentions to avoid coming off as a manipulative person.

Strict_String · 2021-05-05T12:30:47+00:00

“Become genuinely interested in other people.” Don’t know how that’s inauthentic.

Maybe you’re overly invested in having a bad personality?

Maybe you jump to conclusions about, say, a book, without actually reading it.

appmanga · 2021-05-05T13:31:07+00:00

There's an old saying: "Once you can fake sincerity, you've got it made". We spent a lot of time faking kindness anyway, so why not spread the wealth? Flies, honey, vinegar...

Substantial_Smell_72 · 2021-05-05T15:25:26+00:00

Haha 2 chapters? The only way to get better at socializing is to talk to everyone you encounter. It’s not about being fake it’s about putting in some effort during a conversation when it not natural for you. Eventually it does feel natural but that take a little effort to get to that point.

jimmie-russler · 2021-05-05T18:51:59+00:00

Doesn’t a most of the book emphasise the point of being genuine when you do the things in it? Been a while since I read it

Neonbluefox · 2021-05-05T14:38:36+00:00

Keep in mind it's a book that was initially published in the 1930's. I feel that it's better to take the general message and mindset of the book to heart, rather than the actual tips as these aren't always as nuanced as they could be :)

South_Recover_5909 · 2021-05-05T16:51:58+00:00

no I find it extremely accurate when describing human nature, but its called how to win friends and influence people, not how to get laid and influence people

so those techniques wont work if your plan is to use them as a means to get women into bed

DamnThisHappened · 2021-05-05T19:59:35+00:00

A lot has already been said but:

For me personally, I am a very confrontational person who believed that logical arguments can convince a person of your opinion. The book has taught me that people don’t react well to this and I try to approach people differently now, has worked well in professional situations

Anon6025 · 2021-05-05T20:48:58+00:00

The most important takeaway (of course it has been around 40 years since I read it) was that God gave us two ears and only one mouth for a reason.

zeroff89 · 2021-05-05T15:48:58+00:00

I see many valid arguments have already been posted here.

There’s another old saying: “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” A perfect example of this is constructive criticism.

During a social interaction you make the person or people you’re interacting with feel important by empowering them with your attention and body language. Facing the person talking and making eye contact while they talk makes them feel heard and validated. You don’t have to agree with what they say. You could have a perspective on the subject of the conversation that is completely opposite of theirs, and sharing that perspective cements the feeling of being genuine towards them without taking anything away.

An old general manager of mine once told me when talking to a person, for every negative point of criticism, give them two points of positive reinforcement

Unlike most of you I haven’t read this book. Is it worth reading?

duarte2151 · 2021-05-05T19:52:01+00:00

In how many different subs are you going to ask this question?

CollectionResident63 · 2021-05-06T13:25:00+00:00

I read it as a teenager and that it was great. Never thought of it as teaching to you be disingenuous, so you need to read further to understand fully what it’s about. But yeah it’s just about getting what you need from people by addressing their needs first. I use this principle a lot in my dating life.

Dutchcat1077 · 2021-05-05T20:16:44+00:00

You misunderstood the whole point of the book. Read the entire book.

FearInoculum37 · 2021-05-07T10:30:42+00:00

I'm so glad I am not the only one that got this vibe from the book. Everyone I know swears by it but I have the same view as you, OP. I had to put it down.

I get being kind to people but man....it just really rubbed me the wrong way and didn't do anything for me. I'm open to opposing opinions though....

Edit: Grammar.

shaggy2gay · 2021-05-05T17:46:15+00:00

Bad book that makes one good point: that most people see you as a supporting cast member in the drama of their life as Earth's protagonist.

2021-05-05T16:55:52+00:00

You can be friendly and make people feel good - - without being fake.

gregsapopin · 2021-05-05T21:46:50+00:00

That's what Seduction is about. being fake.

BoxNo3004 · 2021-05-05T14:57:29+00:00

Most of the "self improve" books are complete garbage that is not worth your time.

They were never written because they have something to say, they just saw market for it.

There are exceptions, of course, but i have not found one yet.

Fecund_Sweet · 2021-05-05T20:26:04+00:00

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TerminatorReborn · 2021-05-05T20:55:04+00:00

A lot of succesful people come across a fake to me, so thats not unheard of

PulcinoMeraviglioso · 2021-05-05T21:05:08+00:00

I only read half book, and the only one very important thing that changed my perspective in conversations is to be genuinely interest in the other person, rather than speaking about yourself

Fecund_Sweet · 2021-05-05T21:37:21+00:00

BTW, the book is not about dropping panties. It sounds like you're looking for the key to getting women to want to sleep with you.

SPOILER: there is no such thing.

The book is about building rapport such that you get people on your side.

AnomalousS0ul · 2021-05-05T21:58:55+00:00

I've never even heard of this book but I have a philosophy of my own. Manipulation is often referred as a negative thing. I dont believe that. I think you can manipulate people to do negative things, or you can manipulate them to reinforce your positive behavior and teach them a lesson about positivity. But youre basically being so positive through their negativity that they cannot break your attitude. After they're around you enough, even if they're hateful people they'll start to mimick you, because they'll see that others notice that you don't react to their negativity. This makes you an apex predator in putting yourself around people. Also acting outlandish, which is our true selves, makes people feel as though they can do that too. That is called charisma.

joey-tv-show · 2021-05-06T00:30:36+00:00

The book does work. In many aspects of life.

For example: don’t argue with your boss. Don’t correct your boss or anyone in public

SithLordJediMaster · 2021-05-06T01:07:36+00:00

YourNewProphet · 2021-05-06T04:20:35+00:00

You didn’t understand the book

French_Bulldog · 2021-05-06T07:59:58+00:00

I’d say keep reading it because that’s not the take away. It’s about being assertive and seeing the potential in people.

vinit33pratap · 2021-05-06T11:37:35+00:00

Yes, it is if you're inauthentic while communicating. That's why you're not going to do everything exactly that has been said in this book or any book for that matter and use your senses in context involved.

Comments

SPOILER: there is no such thing.