I just read a post called "An Authentic Man". Thanks to Karaktor for the inspiration. I agree with a lot of things he said. Authenticity seems like a universally human goal, something worth working towards. Saying this, I've got some of my own thoughts:

Life is work first, play second. If you want the results, you have to be prepared to work hard. Every day, you have to work to complete all the things you expect of yourself. Each little thing you complete gives you a tiny bit of self-respect. Each thing you neglect without good reason takes away a tiny bit of self respect. And I’ve found self-respect is highly related to self-love. Once you’ve worked, take time to play, have fun, etc- at this point you’ve earned it.

Work isn’t solely your job, or school work. Oftentimes it's just the small things. It’s includes wash, and keeping your room/house/car clean. Working out, keeping up with personal hygiene. Then there are larger things after that, going to school, forwarding your career, etc.

I've gained a lot of my confidence from reading "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" and putting them into action. One of the main points is private victories precede public victories. I think these directly parallel inner game and outer game. When you have the discipline and willpower to attain self-control, you can start winning privately.

For example, I know I want to be an attractive guy; moreover, a good-hearted, successful person. In the past, fun gave me happiness. I knew I needed to focus on my future, but I wanted instant gratification, and would trade time I could spend to better myself to play videogames or watch TV. I had fun for a while doing this, but in the last few years, it's left me feeling more and more empty.

Now I know this- I like fun and entertainment, but it doesn't give me fulfillment. Do I LOVE doing laundry, cleaning my house and cooking meals for later in the week? No, not really. But when these things are done, I feel fulfilled, and ready for anything that comes my way- friends coming in to town, a girl coming over, even unrelated things like my productivity at work. Once I've had these small, private victories, I'm confident I can win in the outside world as well.

A lot of the stuff on the inner game sidebar is very useful information, but I don’t think it’s the first step. The truth is, if you can't handle making the commitment to yourself to be what you want when you're alone, you won't be able to be what you want socially either. It’s like a hidden prerequisite to the prerequisite. To gain REAL, inner confidence, you have to be ALL the things you want to be. You have to move toward being a complete person whose qualities support each other, and then you'll be able to do anything. But even before that, you have to be READY.

I've heard it described as "your home is your kingdom". To me, this is so true. What I know is, the amount of work I have to do will be the same or less if I'm proactive and handle the things I need to handle, NOW. If I wait until later, the work will only compile and intimidate me into submission.

I think a lot of us are in, or have been in, a situation where you don't know what you have until it’s gone. We’ve all had days or weeks of intense motivation only to let it all go at some point, to have a day where we can slack off and do nothing. Then we never get back on our game. We wonder why we feel bad, and in this negative state, we look toward extrinsic things to make us happy. Mine were weed and videogames, what the fuck do you know? And I wondered why I wasn't happy, assuring myself that getting the little things in order couldn’t really bring me back to the level I once was at. The problem was that I was looking at each thing individually, not recognizing that they are meant to work together. I now know, when you do ALL THE THINGS, a synergy develops that keeps you going. You begin to believe that you CAN be everything you want to be. And belief is the most important step. “Fake it till you make it” might work on singular aspects of life, and is great for developing a certain attitude outwardly. I tried this, and it was tough for me. I could never keep up an attitude without having the real character traits and habits behind it. So now I work, get confidence, and trade up. Use a small amount of confidence to step out of my comfort zone, learn and gain more confidence to take that bigger step next time. And in the background, I’m making a habit of trying new things, having fun, and LIVING.

I know I'm reiterating, but the little things we do each day are so important. When you expect yourself to do something; when you really WANT to do something, but you don't because you're lazy or have other bullshit reasons, it can start a chain reaction. When you say fuck it to one thing, at that moment, you're basically saying fuck it to your entire life; you're saying you can’t handle it. A quote that sticks with me: "If you can't handle the dishes, how do you expect to handle running a fortune 500 company?"

Self-control is so god damn important. It saves you from those moments of want, want, want that can send you crashing to the ground.

Forgive me if this isn't that cohesive. I hope I got my point across.

TL;DR Win over yourself before trying to win over others. Work hard each day, and gain respect for yourself, then play. Be everything you want be, down to the seemingly insignificant actions, and feel fulfilled.

Edit: It seems some people might believe that I'm saying "achieve to build confidence." This is almost correct. My point actually is, do what you expect of yourself. Be congruent with your values. Imagine what the ideal you would do AT THIS MOMENT, and do that.