After a challenge given by someone in this thread to pick up a woman by opening with the phrase "Butt cheese", I decided to give it a go just for yucks. The following is a fairly approximate narration of the events that transpired and the conversation I ended up having.

While visiting my parents in the Chicago suburbs, I decided to grab a drink at one of the local shitty sports bars before I headed back home. This place wasn't much to look at; just a bar in the center of the room and a bunch of high-def televisions playing the hockey game or whatever. It was a Thursday, so there weren't many people in the bar, save for a handful of guys who'd gotten off of work, some older women who were chitchatting about something, and a girl in a knitted scarf drinking a Blue Moon and sucking on the orange slice.

I figure, fuck it; I've got nothing to lose. I hardly ever make it out to the suburbs and judging by the way this girl's dressed, she looks like she's got a sense of humor. So I start walking over to her, doing a little white guy dance as I'm walking, making my approach fairly comical. She catches it and begins to smirk, then grin, obviously wondering why I'm walking up to her doing a duck face and some kind of butchered version of the electric slide. When I finally get up to her, I lean in and whisper, "Butt cheese." in a completely monotone, almost Buffalo Bill style of voice.

She bursts out laughing. "What the fuck?!" She asks, her confusion and amusement in equal measure.

"Yeah, I got nothing. I just wanted to see if that'd work. Shots?"

"What?"

"Shots. What kind you want?"

"Uh... I dunno. What are you drinking?"

I lean in and yell at the bartender, "Two Rumchata shots."

"What is that?" She asks.

"You're a girl, you'll like it."

She laughs. The bartender pours the drinks, the girl and I encircle arms and down them. She's following my lead at this point because she has no idea what to do in this situation. I slam the shot glass down. She obviously likes the drink, as she's bobbing her head in approval at it.

"Right?" I say.

"Rumchata?" She asks.

"Yeah. It's like a horchata but with booze."

"I've never had one of those before."

I give an exaggerated look of disapproval. She laughs and asks, "What?"

"Sheltered much?"

"Oh my god!" She punches me in the arm playfully. "So what do you do?"

"Shit, is it too late to make something up?"

She laughs again. "No, by all means."

I pretend to think for a second. "Uh... Pirate astronaut."

"Wow!" She laughs and gives me an exaggerated look of fascination. "That sounds really exciting."

"So what are you, a model or some bullshit?"

She laughs and bats her eyes and touching her hair in a modeling pose before playfully batting at my wrist. "I work at Kohls."

"That was my second guess."

She gives me a fake look of shock and says, "Ass!"

At this point, I look at her drink and see it's halfway down. "You been nursing that long?"

"I drink slow."

"Chicks, man."

She laughs. I order her another drink on my tab and pull out my phone. "How do you spell your name?"

She looks at my phone, pauses for a moment, then says, "K-A-Y-L-A. Did you even tell me your name?"

"Nope. 815?"

She laughs and proceeds to fill in her number. Then I smirk and reply, "Jack."

"A pleasure to meet you."

"Ditto." I keep looking at my phone the whole time, texting her the message "Butt cheese." as we speak. She looks at her phone a moment later and sees the text, then bursts out laughing again.

"What does that even mean?"

"I assume either a wedge of cheese in your ass, or some sort of disgusting waxy substance you get after not showering for a few days."

"Blegh!" She makes a gagging expression. "What the hell?"

"I dunno. Some guy told me I should say it to the next hot girl I see."

She laughs and starts to blush. "You're terrible."

"Yeah, I know. And now I'm gonna leave you to think about that one."

"Wait, you're leaving?"

"Yep. Got shit to do and places to be. I'll shoot you a text some time. Later, nucka!"

And then I pay my tab and leave.

So far it's been roughly five hours and I've received about eight texts from her. She seems nice. I think I'll hang out with her next time I'm in the burbs.